How To Click With People: The Secret To Better Relationships In Business An In Life [Hardcover]

This book tells you a lot more than just how to click with people. It is a generalized treatment of relations and communications geared toward the business setting.

The author builds first from practical steps on interpersonal relations, next to general individual relations theory, then on to general communications, relations, and motivation in the group setting.

The author peppers this offering periodically with a callback to the title: *click!*, we are often reminded. As I read along initially, I thought about what a labored connection that sometimes was, how it wasn't quite accurate at all times, and how I was going to write bad things about it. Later I realized that what the author is offering is some fairly old wine in a nice new bottle with a *click!* label on it.

I want to be clear that that is not of necessity a bad thing. There are a great many truths that we should be reminded of regularly in novel and different ways (think organized religion). And I think that these concepts are certainly among them, and that *click!* is a nice bit of marketing which, I note, certainly worked on me (I did buy and read the book, after all).

The underlying principle, stated once or twice, but not frequently, is that business is a social endeavor, and that if you are not good with people, you will never succeed. This message would be a huge waste of time for my wife, but for me, it should be repeated again and again.

I think it's peculiar that a book that asks to be used as a reference (p. 5) does not include an index. Nevertheless, I will be retaining this book and referring back to it frequently, I expect.

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

The first thing I looked for when I opened this book was a section on "Notes," or "References," or "Other Readings," or anything that would give you a clue that Kirschner reached outside of himself and his own personal resources to write this book. There are none at all. There isn't even an index to the book.

The second thing I looked for when I opened this book -- after finding no sources of any kind! -- was the degree to which Kirschner's information is accurate. I think there is no question on this; however, I found most of what he said to be common sense and common knowledge. Anyone who operates in the world today--in any capacity, I might add -- knows and uses this information. Do we need it codified for us? Probably not. Does Kirschner add anything to the communication world? Not very much.

All that being said, did I find Kirschner's suggestions for dealing with troublesome others to be valuable or even useful? Yes, I did. And I believe that any book, article, set of information, or advice that helps people get along well (or better) with others is worthwhile. This book is full of hundreds of practical, useful suggestions for getting along well with others.

For my own level of expertise in this area, I had a college textbook, UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION that went through seven editions, and I have a best selling popular book, RELATIONSHIP RULES: FOR LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, SECURITY, AND COMMITMENT that covers much of the same valuable information. Sections on how to deal with conflict are prominent in both of these books.

In Chapter 7, "Clicking Electronically," I found it interesting that Kirschner deals with clicking over the phone, clicking using e-mail, and clicking when using social networks, however, he never mentions clicking via texting. Admittedly, many of the suggestions for clicking using e-mail would be useful and appropriate, but a separate section on texting would make the book more up-to-date.

What I appreciated throughout the book was Kirschner's emphasis on the importance of listening. Despite the context, everyone is likely to fair better if he or she begins with a listening perspective. He reveals the importance of listening by offering "A Short Course on Listening," in Chapter 3, then refers back to that information throughout this 254-page book. The topic of "listening" should be a prominent part of ANY book that deals with relationships or effective communication.

This is a "how-to" book designed for beginners--those with little or no experience in the world of relationships, getting along with others, making connections, being successful, developing meaningful associations, and communicating effectively.

One of the keys to success is captured by Kirscher when he says, "Stumbling blocks can cause a lot of frustration, and removing the stumbling block may require patience, flexibility, and determination" (p. 218). Patience, flexibility, and determination--no matter the context, issue, or people involved--is what effectiveness is all about. Often, we demand instant success or instant results, and the world of getting along with others doesn't usually operate at that speed.

There are a number of these types of books out there that claim to be able to identify the behaviors in yourself and others that are keeping you from communicating clearly. Dr. Kirschner's book is the first that gives you the tools to really help you not only identify those behaviors, but correct them when you find yourself talking at cross purposes with someone. It's an easy read and you find yourself almost wanting to deal with those people in your life that have been challenging in the past, be that a boss that doesn't get you or a family member that always winds you up!

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