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How to Get Your Lover Back: Successful Strategies for Starting Over (& Making It Better Than It Was Before) Paperback – Sep 10 1989


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How to Get Your Lover Back: Successful Strategies for Starting Over (& Making It Better Than It Was Before) + How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Dell (Sept. 10 1989)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0440500893
  • ISBN-13: 978-0440500896
  • Product Dimensions: 13.6 x 1.3 x 20.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 181 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #452,348 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

From the Publisher

If your lover has left you...

If your relationship is on the edge, and you feel fragile and out of control...

If you regret walking out...

If you're not sure you want your lover back, but you need to understand what happened...

You do have a second chance--if you know what has to come first.

Falling in and out of love is a natural process that can be understood and mastered. Love properly understood can be love regained and kept alive for a lifetime.

This step-by-step approach developed by psychiatrist Blase Harris works. It has worked for the people in this book. And now it can work for you. Dr. Harris's practical guide shows you how to avoid the common mistakes ex-lovers make, love 100 percent, and get your lover back!


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Your lover may seem just beyond your grasp, and to pause a moment may seem an eternity; to scream about the grief that has been inflicted upon you may seem the natural thing to do, as if that would shorten the moment, as if that would get your lover back. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on Feb. 23 1999
Format: Paperback
I was disappointed in this book. Granted there was some solid useful advice: That you should show by word and deed how much you truly love your ex and put your own neediness on hold; use positive visualization; don't grovel or argue. My problem is that all such useful advice is presented in a general and abstract fashion, whereas the material that is concrete and specific is severely limited in application. For example, almost all of the couples in the case histories are already seeing one another regularly for dinner and a movie. But Dr. Harris offers no real advice on how to get to that point! What if you are not regularly seeing your ex at work or school or for "catch up dates?" There is an extremely limited chapter at the end, almost like an afterthought, on "Dealing With A Resistant Lover," that needs to be expanded! If your lover isn't "resistant," you don't need this book in the first place. A big chapter up front, on "Sex With Your Ex" seems largely gratuitous. If nothing else, the placement and weight given to these two subjects should be reversed. I'm anxious to try out the good stuff I learned from Dr. Harris. I just wish he had told me how to get close enough to my ex to do that. Sorry, but his advice to send cards and/or gifts at Christmas and birthdays doesn't quite cut it.
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Format: Paperback
I stumbled across this book at a local bookstore after I had broken off a relationship.
Although I was pretty embarrassed to be seen buying this gaudy-looking number I quickly found out it was just what the doc had ordered: I had ended a relationship (won't go into details here) but realized that I really had made a stupid mistake; yet, I somehow felt too prideful to try and get my relationship back. Working with this book helped give me the courage to go for it without feeling I somehow was going to lose face in my attempt, which was a big issue for me.
I'm not saying that had I not seen this book that I wouldn't have attempted to get my guy back -- yes, a lot of the book's advice seems to be common sense -- but Dr. Harris' supportive writing style helped give me the backbone to start ASAP by giving me the recipe to apply my efforts effectively and efficiently, instead of letting me potentially stumble and fumble through the process. Via this book I felt encouraged all along the way and gained confidence in my relationship skills.
Just as important, I am grateful to have felt that I had someone in my corner, cheering me on. Harris has a lot of wisdom about relationships in general that will keep me on track with my guy, with whom I couldn't be happier. This book was well worth the investment -- especially since it took so little of my time to read it -- for the results that I have gotten.
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Format: Paperback
I started this book last night, and as I get into the 'nitty-gritty' of how to get my lover back, I am a thousand times more hopeful than I was before I started reading it. Blase Harris really captures the loneliness and despair of losing the love of your life, but seems also to be documenting the steps I've taken already, since I broke up with my lover a month ago today. He writes, "There is a...very parctical, crucially important reason for getting a lover back. If you don't learn how to make a relationship work, then when? Finding another fish in the sea is not good enough...So long as you and your ex-lover are alive, your relationship is not dead". This gives me the inspiration to continue, and Harris seems certain to help me find the ways and the words to make it happen.
The book is worth reading, if only for the excellent plot summary of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
The title, and rather flamboyant cover of this paperback edition is a little off-putting though.
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Format: Paperback
When my relationship soured, I was very frustrated trying to get help from counselors (influenced by 12 step programs) who only talked to me about my co-dependency, and "What was wrong with me that I wanted my partner back?" When I was really in a lot of pain, I could hear them thinking "Oh no!, Not another couple who got together without realizing how screwed up they were! Got to get them apart!" Although it's true that both my lover and I had plenty of areas to where we need to grow, we had a lot of good things going for us too, and I was pleased to find an approach which allowed me to use my strengths to improve the areas where I was weak in the relationship. I've never been convinced that wanting to work on a relationship always co-dependency. Stephan Levine, John Welwood, Gail and Hugh Prather, Barry and Joyce Vissel and others all speak of a relationship can be a path of awakening, and all would agree, I think, that there are times when one person has to carry the relationship. This book shows how to do that.
What I liked best about this book is that the author's ideas allowed me to take an *active* approach to untangling the knots in my relationship. The approach gave me something to do -- internal work on myself which made a difference in my relationship. It was not about bugging my partner.
I bought the book when I read in chapter 1 where the author wrote "A lost relationship may be a lost opportunity for growth." You don't hear that much from anyone. (And that's the way I felt, not that I just wanted to cling to my lover.If I was clinging, I wanted to stop.) And in chapter 2, "Loving 100% to Get Your Lover Back," I really enjoyed reading the author's working definition of love: "the active care and concern for the life and growth of another human being.
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