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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) [Hardcover]

Chuck Sambuchino
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 16.99
Price: CDN$ 12.26 & FREE Shipping on orders over CDN$ 25. Details
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Book Description

Sept. 7 2010
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.    
   Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter is breached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.

Frequently Bought Together

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) + Abbott Resin Garden Gnome
Price For Both: CDN$ 30.27

  • Abbott Resin Garden Gnome CDN$ 18.01

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Product Details

Product Description


“Just AWESOME...filled with delightfully demonic photographs of rampaging, blissful garden gnomes. This is a classic ‘gift’ book (just in time for Christmas) with eye candy pictures galore.”
—This Garden Is Illegal blog, 9/29/10

“reminiscent of a ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’ sketch, which is the highest praise I can bestow on a humor book.”
—Carpe Geum blog, 9/26/10

“The book is written so straightforward that it seems believeable. And helpful. And—well, words fail me...the book is a hoot...[it] is perfect to display on a coffee table. Think of the fun you'll have when your guests notice it. Will they look around to see if diminutive creatures are sneaking up on them? Will they look at you as if you're totally nuts. At any rate, fun will ensue...The book would also make a great gift for a gardening enthusiast—especially if the gardener already has some garden gnomes. Or bundle the book with a garden gnome and let the recipient really wonder about you.”
Peevish Pen blog, 9/23/10 

"Let’s say your smiling lawn gnomes are plotting a home invasion. Here’s the definitive guide to 'prevent, prepare for and ward off' that attack."
Sacramento Bee
"This breezy read and its charming photos are ideal for anyone who melts whenever they find a new version of that classic ceramic yard ornament, the gnome."
Denver Post
"Hooray to Chuck Sambuchino for not breaking character once during his entire book … including the Acknowledgements page. This book is for those special folks with quirky senses of humor."
San Francisco Book Review
"Every gardener and most non-gardeners will love this stylish, hilarious book."
Buffalo Spree Magazine

“You’ll laugh. You’ll question the sanity of the message. You will look with new eyes on that garden gnome you thought was a mere, sweet little elfin garden ornament. I found myself wondering as I finished this marvelous small book; when will How to Survive a Pink Flamingo Attack, be released? I highly recommend this book to gnome lovers/owners everywhere. Even if you are not a gnome owner, but a gardener or have a neighbor who gardens—you need to read this book for your own protection or for a laugh a minute if you prefer humor.”  
—Billie A Williams, award-winning mystery and suspense author

About the Author

Chuck Sambuchino is a produced playwright, and a magazine writer, freelance editor, husband, dog owner, and cover band guitarist. He is the author of Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript, 3rd Edition, and editor of Guide to Literary Agents and the Screenwriter’s & Playwright’s Market. Sambuchino lives in a heavily fortified residence in a secret Midwest location.

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Surprise hit Sept. 15 2010
By enigma
I bought this book for my grade eight class, but ended up giving it to my 10 year old nephew. He often doesn't like books, but he read this, in the car, until his eyes were worn out. Then he read it all again the next day. He will read it out loud to his parents and wants to take pictures of garden gnomes. He want to know if there is a sequel. I haven't had such a reaction with him, so I would definitely give this book a high rating. The humour is clever enough for older people too.
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Format:Kindle Edition
Garden Gnomes are a serious threat to the human race. A lawn decoration such as a gnome may seem innocent but they are as deadly as they come. It is about time that we take action against these foul beasts and I think Chuck truly took this to heart.

This book is great for amateur gnome hunters of all ages. Of course the book is only about how to defend yourself in the event of a gnome attack, if you want to actually get out there and hunt the little devils, I would recommend doing a bit more research. But don’t get me wrong, this book is still a great foundation!

Thank you Chuck Sambuchino for helping out the gnome hunting community! Hunting these creatures can often put you or your families at risk of being attacked and this is an excellent way to be ready for that situation.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Will you be prepared when they attack? Feb. 17 2014
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Adorable book, very cheeky and fun to read. Pictures are great quality. Bought it as a fun joke for a gnome skeptic, and we have gotten some good laughs out of it.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! Nov. 13 2013
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Fast shipping, the book is in a perfect shape. I'm very glad about this purchase. I recommand without hesitation. Thank you so much.
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