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How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk [Paperback]

A Faber
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (87 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Oct. 21 1999

Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be effective with your children.Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.

Recently revised and updated with fresh insights and suggestions, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is full of practical, innovative ways to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.

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Product Description


"An exceptional work, not simply just another 'how to' bookAll parents can use these methods to improve the everyday quality of their relationships with their children." -- Fort Worth Star Telegram

"Faber and Mazlish are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation." -- Parent Magazine

"Practical, sensible, lucid the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery." -- Family Journal

"Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world." -- Christian Science Monitor

About the Author

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
I was a wonderful parent before I had children. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best parenting book for frustrated parents Nov. 13 2003
My mother-in-law, who is a child psychologist, introduced me to this book. She's been using it for years in her practice. I have been irritated by other books that seem to talk exclusively about how to help children while ignoring parents' needs. This book has great real-life examples and doesn't come down on stressed out parents for getting angry or saying dumb things. Instead, it gives practical exercises and rules for helping your relationship. Some of them are hard to do. Habits are hard to change. But it has made a world of difference between me and my 3-year-old. I'm so glad to have read this book so early in her life. I think it will spare us some of the heartache my mother and I experienced, mostly due to poor communication skills.
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Although this best selling book was originally written more than 20 years ago, I find the advice and specific suggestions extremely on target in 2004. The main strategy that has made such a positive difference in my life is to acknowlege my child's feelings before I give the direction for compliance. Most of the time, I do try to give well-meaning, honest (not always calm) responses to my 3-year-old that unfortunately sometimes escalate into a raging tantrum or no win power struggle such as in the following example at bedtime...My son announced, "I'm really scared of the big closet monster, Mommy." I responded honestly, "There's nothing to be scared about, there is no such thing as a real monster. Monsters are just make believe."...This conversation was followed by a long screamimg and kicking fit from a very tired, frustrated little boy.
Now I have learned that by calmly talking to my son's feelings first, he knows that his point of view is understood and important to me. Then I have a better chance of getting him to stay in his bed. Because I chose to validate his feelings first, I got the cooperation I was after. I learned to say, "I see how worried you are...I've got a great idea...I'm getting the broom out to sweep the entire floor including every corner of your closet to make sure nothing is hiding in there...OK, it's completely empty, honey...only clothes in here. Hop in bed and I'll rub you back before our special good night kiss." ...It worked like a charm!
I also highly recommend another newer pocket-sized book to accompany this classic tome called "The Pocket Parent.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not enough in this March 25 2010
By RenLady
I think that the communication ideas in this book are great for both children and adults. However, they can apply only to children who are old enough to have some ability to reason. Despite what authors of this type of program claim, you simply can't usually have a problem-solving discussion with a two-year old. Also, I was frustrated by the way the authors seem to think that if you just use the right words, your child will be able to discuss a solution to a problem and be happy about it. There is no advice for what to do in situations that are truly non-negotiable, or what to do if your child continues to be upset after trying these methods.

A book that explains better how to talk to your kids, and what to do when it isn't working, is "Connected Parenting" by Jennifer Kolari.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Jan. 31 2012
By Sasha
Original book. The cartoons make the book an easy and quick read. Good information. The book covers many scenarios with your kids and provides insightfdul hints.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-saving! Nov. 2 2010
I read chapter one in the morning before my 3-year-old son woke up and most of our problems were solved by lunchtime! I went from wondering why I became a mother to smooth sailing. I didn't realize that I was denying everything he said or thought because in my mind I was the reasonable adult and he was the difficult toddler and if he thinks that vegetables are gross then I'd have to correct him because he is wrong and they are healthy. After I began acknowledging his point of view with the techniques in the book, he seemed to trust me enough to listen to and cooperate with me, instead of resisting everything I told him to do because I was resisting and squashing all of his opinions. Great illustrative examples - it's my favourite parenting book ever.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Always Thankful For This Book, Sept. 18 2010
Children are like computers - they can do great things but they speak their own language. This book teaches parents how to talk to their kids by first listening and acknowledging children's feelings. This 7-chaptered book is packed with scenarios that parents can relate to, comic strips to keep readers motivated and simple assignments and techniques that deliver results. From the methods you will learn to avoid turning simple conversations into argument, learn how to engage children's willing cooperation, use alternatives to punishment, set firm limits with goodwill, and encourage children's autonomy. Difficult concepts made easy through their effective writing and the recommended exercises make practice art of parenting perfect. A life-saver to many families including my own, HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN will benefit you and your family greatly. If you have more than one child, Faber and Mazlish's other book, SIBLING WITHOUT RIVALRY is also highly recommended.
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Most recent customer reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars GOOD BOOK
Good book however it would be more effective if written from a teen's perspective. Think and Grow Up does just that! Read more
Published 2 months ago by Darren Persaud
1.0 out of 5 stars NOT ARRIVED
This product never arrived. It has now been several months late.

I want my $7 back.

What kind of shoddy crooked operation is this?
Published 3 months ago by Julien
5.0 out of 5 stars Wise Advice
An informative and easy-to-follow sensible system which encourages improved behaviour in young people by involving them actively in the process of self improvement. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Maureen Reid
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book!
This is the most pratical and helpful book on parenting that I have come across! It's easy to read and the real life examples are excellent! Read more
Published 5 months ago by Denies Pressman
5.0 out of 5 stars Good book
Good approach, quite same concept with the sibling book. Respect the child and the child learn how to respect you and the others. It is very helpful.
Published 8 months ago by Mama Cat
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book - For Relating to Children and Other Adults!
Worth a Read! This book talks about empathy and relating to people in a way that shows you are actually listening. It also encourages children to think and to problem solve. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Oreosncream
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a "rock" for parents!
This book is a foundational "rock" for parents, especially new ones.
The information is simple, practical, wise, tested by time and research, and
when you're done... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Great Blue Heron
5.0 out of 5 stars love, love LOVE
love this book and would recommend to any parent with children of any age! Really helps you view yourself and situations from your child perspective.
Published 13 months ago by Charlene Ramer
5.0 out of 5 stars Passing it forward!
I bought this book 30 years ago when my kids were small and I was tearing my hair out!! It was an eye opening experience. Read more
Published 15 months ago by R. Wiener
4.0 out of 5 stars Good advice
So far I think this is a different perspective on how to talk to children and I think it's a very respectful and thoughtful approach. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Dobes Vandermeer
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