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How to Win Friends and Influence People
 
 

How to Win Friends and Influence People [Paperback]

Dale Carnegie
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (355 customer reviews)
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This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. --Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Book Description

YOU CAN GO AFTER THE JOB YOU WANT...AND GET IT! YOU CAN TAKE THE JOB YOU HAVE...AND IMPROVE IT! YOU CAN TAKE ANY SITUATION YOU'RE IN...AND MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU!

For more than sixty years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.

Now this previously revised and updated bestseller is available in trade paperback for the first time to help you achieve your maximum potential throughout the next century! Learn:

* THREE FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

* THE SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

* THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

* THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
ON MAY 7, 1931, THE MOST SENSATIONAL MANHUNT NEW YORK CITY had ever known had come to its climax. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

355 Reviews
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 (11)
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Average Customer Review
4.6 out of 5 stars (355 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It won me over., Oct 13 2007
A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical examples. In this way, you can read a chapter quickly, stop and do other things you have to do if necessary, and get back to the book when you have time- all without losing continuity.

Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don't think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts. Also recommend The Sixty-Second Motivator for further reading on motivational principles.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent tips, but not the bible, Jan 21 2009
By 
B. Fulton "thegreenrabbit.ca" (Toronto, ON) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
I normally don't write reviews, but after reading the shockingly cynical comments I had to add my 2 cents.

This book is great for people who have trouble communicating, it gives valuable tips for improving self confidence when speaking, initiating conversation, remembering names and getting buy in.

While it is meant primarily to help in business relationships, I found it has been helpful in my personal life. A normally shy person, the book has helped me start conversations and meet new people. Speaking in terms of people's interests is about getting that conversation started, not about faking an interest and pretending to have the same interests.

Even though the book is titled "How to win friends .." the purpose of the book is not to literally win you friends, it's about improving communication, sales and presentation skills. There is nothing ground breaking in this book and in fact all the principles are simply principles of common sense but it helps you put them into action day-to-day.

I highly recommend this book for people who need help breaking out of their shell, for people who work in sales or give presentations, or for anyone who wants to move up in their job.
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60 of 77 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Insincere appreciation or sincere manipulation?, Mar 17 2002
By A Customer
This book could easily be re-titled "How to Manipulate People and Act Phony," or perhaps, "The True Selfishness of the Human Ego and How to Harness to it for Your Own Personal Gain." I first found this book when I was 19 and thought, "Wow, I'll read this book and finally everyone will recognize me as the good-hearted person I am." The "Gandhian" in me still thought so naïve an objective was possible.

This book was written in 1930s vernacular for a more wide-eyed and trusting America, complete with plenty Norman Rockwellesque "good golly gee" anecdotes where everything works out happily in the end. At times such a writing style can be endearing, in some places, particularly in the chapter where the author uses the resolution of a labor strike as illustration of the effectiveness of his principles, it can verge on offensive. It is somewhat amazing that this book has not been re-written completely because, despite the resent "revision," the style and format remains quite dated and stale. If not for the CD recordings I would have never made it through, as the inflection and dramatization of the narrator brings it a bit more to life. I also bought and read an old participant handbook from the Carnegie seminar as well as the biography, "Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions." This helped to put this book in the appropriate historical and social context.

Though Mr. Carnegie quotes from many people in this book, including the Buddha, and the revised edition even includes a few reflections on the wisdom of Martin Luther King Jr., there really is nothing "transcendent" to be found, and such quotations are often taken garishly out of context. This is not a book about how to deepen relationships or how to broaden our worldview, nor does it teach us how to become genuinely compassionate and remove our prejudices, nor does it aim us in the direction of any kind of true self-realization. Least of all is this a book about putting an end to the futility of looking for happiness outside oneself. This book is about sales. In fact, this book was primarily developed as a text for Mr. Carnegie's class on salesmanship. At the point in American history in which this book was written, there was great need for training and educating in business management. Dale Carnegie stepped into that role and has remained the archetype of corporate (i.e., insincere) niceness ever since. All those clerks, phone solicitors, even used car salesmen, you can thank Mr. Carnegie for having taught them everything they know about hooking the customer by pretending to care. I would not, therefore, suggest anyone use any of these techniques on those they truly love because, like I said, this is a book about manipulation.

The unfortunate thing about this book is that it works. This manipulation is so effective and so brilliantly obvious that it is amazing people still "fall" for it after more than 50 years in print. Perhaps the most manipulative bits of advice, also being the most painfully truthful, are: to every person the most beautiful word in any language is their own name; the greatest desire of all people is to feel important; never forget that everyone you meet considers themselves your superior in some way; a person's headache means more to them than the death of a million people in an African famine; when dealing with people we are not dealing with animals of reason, but beings swayed by emotion, bigotry, prejudice, and vanity. The Gandhian in me sees that all of the above-described, obviously selfish, traits are actually the cause of great loneliness and sorrow in this world, and is therefore frustrated that rather than teaching us to overcome these traits Mr. Carnegie simply teaches us how to harness them and use them for our own personal gain. Are we to believe the key to fulfillment is to manipulate others' feelings of lack of fulfillment? The result is simply a reinforcement of selfishness in others and oneself, and perhaps the resulting loneliness, frustration, and isolation. Mr. Carnegie claims that this is not the case and that this book is teaching compassion and seeing things from the other person's perspective, but even I am not that naïve anymore.

And that is my main problem with this book: the terribly shallow definition it implies for the word "friend." Is a friend someone you manipulate for the sake for making the sale? Or is a friend someone you can be honest with, even if that honesty means revealing how selfish us human beings can be? I am grateful to Dale Carnegie for helping me realize just how selfish and egotistical people often are (myself included), but I am frustrated with him for implying that manipulating that selfishness is what constitutes a friendship.

I refuse to fool myself as to the true nature of this book. I use these techniques consciously when I feel I am at the mercy of people who do not care about me and would rather have me out of their face as soon as possible. But this is not friendship; this is desperation. If I were to fool myself and internalize these techniques and convince myself that this was friendship, I wouldn't know how to have a real honest and loving relationship with anyone - I would live the life of the plastic smile you see on employees in department stores and fast food chains.

I use these techniques to influence people when I have to, but I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would fall for it.

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