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Product Description
Book Description
Dr. George K. Simon knows how people push your buttons: your children-especially teens-are experts at it, as is your mate. A coworker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to look good doing it. Too often, those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them.In this eye-opening book, you'll discover:-four reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships-power tactics manipulative people use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior-ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and the abuser-how to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation-two tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships
--This text refers to the
Audio CD
edition.
From the Back Cover
"... you'll ... discover": 4 reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships Power tactics manipulators use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior Ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and an abuser How to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation 12 tools for Personal Empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Most helpful customer reviews
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Best book for the layperson on this topic,
By
This review is from: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (Paperback)
Written by someone who doesn't pass the blame, Simon tells it like it is. He puts the responsibility for abusive behavior squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator. Controlling, manipulative people are free to make choices, but they choose narcissistic processes and outcomes. We must stop excusing their bad behavior and confront it.Simon says (!) his readers have to take responsibility for their own lives; since they aren't likely to change their perpetrators' behaviors; victims must change the pattern of interaction with perpetrators---and that's the key. His suggestions aren't just off-the-cuff remarks. They work! For instance, have you ever noticed how hard it is to think of what to say in the moment? How easily we can think of a perfect retort after the moment has passed? Simon's simple suggestion to say, "Will you please repeat that?" works wonders. It's just the break one needs to collect thoughts. Simultaneously, it throws the perpetrator off-base. They don't want to repeat themselves, particularly now that others might be listening more closely. Insults never come out the second time with the same conviction. Next, we're advised to repeat back the insult, such as, "You feel I am _____. Do I understand you correctly?" Being certain you understand the intentions of alleged perpetrators is important. Authors like Patricia Evans (Controlling People) see insults at every turn, her perpetrators typically being stereotypical men or "mothers". Sometimes words don't come out as intended. We don't need to do battle with those we misunderstand. Once you grasp the accusation and have gathered enough facts to assess the situation, Simon advises you offer the perpetrator the option of taking the discussion into a more private session. It's easier to settle differences when not performing before an audience. He goes futher with terrific insights and suggestions, but buy the book. It's the most helpful one I've ever read on the topic (and out of misery and desperation, I've read reams). I grew up in the home of a woman who made it clear to me she didn't love me; I walked into a horrendously abusive relationship right out of high school, then I moved on to a controlling husband for the past two decades. For the first time in my life, I understand why I perceive people are "always taking advantage of me". I've let them. Since I've been speaking up, I feel empowered and alive. This book saved my perspective, if not my life, without encouraging me to swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Covert-aggression personality disorder.,
By A Customer
This review is from: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (Paperback)
This is an absolutely brilliant book. If you are being victimized by a covert-aggressive person, then this book will help you articulate that person's game. If you can articulate what is going on, you are far more likely to gain support from others who, otherwise, are unlikely to understand the complex and utterly subtle dynamics involved in the machinations of the cover-aggressive person. I firmly believe that covert-aggression is as pronounced a personality disorder as any you will get on the DSM-IV scale. The author of this book clearly outlines the characteristics of these types of people. Having read the book, I am now convinced that covert-aggressive personality disorder is as prevalent and at least as malevolent as passive-aggressive personality disorder, or borderline disorder, to name two well-known ones. I first encountered people with this disorder in church leadership circles, where one would least expect to find them. I found it interesting that one of the case-studies in the book was a pastor. The book is a real eye-opener and should be part of the standard curriculum on all mental health course curricula. I also believe that covert-aggression personality disorder should become part of the DSM-IV scale.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
So useful I keep referring back to it,
This review is from: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People (Paperback)
This is a fairly short book, the edition I've got runs to just under 150 pages. but what a book! It very clearly goes through all the aspect of covert aggression, and how to deal with it. It is amazing how much simpler it is to deal with manipulation when you can instantly see what covert techniques are being used on you.Most manipulations are so succesful purely because the victim isn't even aware of what is happening, he just feels that something isn't right but goes along with it anyway. The classic ones being the guilt trip and the pity trip - both are sure-fire indicators that you are being manipulated via your emotions. It also covers more obvious aspects of bullying behaviour and how to turn the situation around without being sucked into the dynamic. A fantastic little book that can completely turn your life around. It is written in very clear language, very easy to understand and doesn't require you to have a degree in psychology to get the most out of it. I have to keep lending it out to my friends and family as it is so useful!
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