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From Publishers Weekly
Lifton has written before on this highly charged subject ( Lost and Found and Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter ), but this is a more profound investigation of the trauma she sees as occurring when a child is separated from his or her birth mother and is brought up by people not of his or her blood. Lifton is for "open" adoption--meaning, to her, not only that the adoptee should have a chance to find out about his or her birth mother, but preferably that both sets of parents should get to know each other. She discourses at length, with reference to myth, legend, folklore, science, psychiatry, as well as to many personal experiences, about the crippling effect of the loss of the birth mother on the adoptee's sense of self; she even cites evidence showing that adoptive sons are more likely than natural ones to murder their parents. Despite one chapter (out of 17) devoted to him, the father's role seems little considered, that of the mother expanded to awe-inspiring proportions. And no attention is paid to the many cases in which the birth mother would not have been the ideal parent, despite the almost mystical qualities with which the author endows her. An eloquent book, but only one side of an argument in which two reasonable sides exist.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
Drawing on 50 in-depth interviews and over 20 questionnaires, Lifton details the psychological stages and problems of those who have been adopted. An adoptee herself, Lifton has written Lost and Found ( LJ 4/1/79) and Twice Born ( LJ 9/1/75). Here she argues that it is crucial for adoptees to know as much as possible about their backgrounds in order to avoid the trauma that adoption can cause. According to the author, "the secret in today's adoptive family is not that the child is adopted but who the child is." An extensive appendix of resources including networks, support groups, periodicals, and recommended reading is particularly impressive. This is a thoughtful and useful work for all those with questions about the psychological legacy of adoption. Recommended where demand warrants.
- January Adams, ODSI Research Lib., Raritan, N.J.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
- January Adams, ODSI Research Lib., Raritan, N.J.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Most helpful customer reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
A moving account that should not be generalized,
By
This review is from: Journey Of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness (Paperback)
I can imagine how many adoptees, upon reading this movingly written book, feel that their own story is being heard, their own troubles validated. I am not an adoptee and so I can only observe from the outside what it might be like. We adopted our daughter at the age of 4 days in a secret practice in 1969. She grew up with many adopted children. I can tell you that our daughter, who was not interested in searching for her birthparents, does not fit the profile described by Lifton that 'adoptees have been in exile since their separation from their mother' and 'The difference between those who search and those who don't lies in how they formed their defensive structures as children: how much they denied, repressed, and split off.' Lifton was adopted at age 2-1/2 after suffering numerous losses, and her adoptive mother was not a very nurturing soul. In Twice Born Lifton said that after finding her birthmother she had no mother at all since both mothers had disappointed her. I see that her experience in life was very different from that of our own daughter and of that of many other adoptees. Even after our birthmother found us 29 years later and we now have a wonderful relationship, our daughter claims she has not changed since meeting her birthmother, that she doesn't now feel whole whereas before she felt fragmented. Several of her adoptee friends searched and several did not, some non-searchers are happy and well-adjusted adults who do not share Lifton's view simply because they did not suffer like she did. My objection to Lifton's book(s) is that she generalizes from her particular experience so that all adoptees have identity crises, all adoptees feel fragmented and cannot be whole until they are united with their birthparent(s). It would be better if she wrote: 'This is how I feel, and this is what I have heard other adoptees say.' It is important to stay away from generalizations.Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Must Have for Adoptees,
By Francine Stuckey (Tennessee) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Journey Of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness (Paperback)
This book is a must have for adoptees and can be useful for birth and adoptive parents. It gave me insights into myself as an adoptee. It clarified emotions and frustrations that I had felt all of my life. It brings to the forefront the true emotional drama that exists in adoption. It doesn't sugarcoat the realities, and it bares the raw and powerful emotions that follow the adopted child all of his/her life. If you want validation, this is the book for you.
1.0 out of 5 stars
This is not everyone's experience,
By A Customer
This review is from: Journey Of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness (Paperback)
I have just begun reading some books about adoption in an effort to better understand myself. I just finished Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self which is much better than this book. I liked the other book because it was much less biased. It first outlines each normal life stage any individual goes through and then discusses some possible issues for the adopted person versus a person who was raised by their natural parents. I felt Being Adopted took in to consideration how different people react differently. In the book by Betty Jean Lifton, she seems to assume we are all not feeling "real" ever. For goodness sake, I am not saying the adoption process didn't affect my life - but guess what we can't change it. Not matter how much we do or learn will never change what happened. If we spend our whole life trying to undo or redo those initial moments of our life, we will waste all the time we have to walk this earth and hopefully leave it better than we found it. I must feel I often felt like saying to author - Get Over IT!
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