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Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone Hardcover – Sep 15 2009


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: AMACOM (Sept. 15 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0814414036
  • ISBN-13: 978-0814414033
  • Product Dimensions: 2.5 x 15.9 x 23.5 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 431 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #18,452 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

Product Description

Review

"A primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario -- definat executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples -- through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Illustrative snippets from counseling session reveal martial-arts like techniques: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful."" --CareerBuilder.com"

About the Author

MARK GOULSTON (Los Angeles, CA) is a psychiatrist, business consultant, executive coach, and FBI and police hostage negotiation trainer. A bestselling author whose books include Get Out of Your Own Way and Get Out of Your Own Way at Work, he writes a column on leadership for Fast Company and "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark" for Tribune Media Services, and is frequently called upon to share his expertise by the media including the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Reuters, NPR, CNN, Fox News, and the Oprah and TODAY shows.

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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Arthur Fish on Nov. 30 2009
Format: Hardcover
I come to this book as a lawyer who has spent many years dealing with people under intense pressure. I advise families with disabled relatives, often young men with schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder, and mediate intra-family disputes over estates or the care of elderly people. I have read numerous books that purport to offer advice on dealing systematically with "difficult" people or situations. This extremely helpful book is the only one that genuinely and fully delivers on its promise. I recommend it highly to anyone who needs to elicit human co-operation from people - parents, children, spouses, colleagues, clients - who are inclined to withhold it.
The book is clearly written, well edited and thoughtfully formatted. Like most management or business advice books it is structured around real life vignettes. These are all believable, well chosen and avoid the wooden lifelessness that mars most books of this genre. The book is a smooth and pleasant read, but this smoothness in a way masks, probably deliberately, its strengths and those of its author.
Dr. Goulston's prescription is straightforward, and it works. There is no doubt in my mind that this book emerges from considerable practical experience, combined with ongoing study. He understands human needs, and his main lesson is that we must all strive to grasp our own and satisfy those of others. In his foreword he notes that he had to cut away a long chapter on the brain. This was a sound editorial decision, but one hopes that such a chapter will see the light in another, different book. There are numerous moments in the book - for example a seemingly offhand comment on workplace violence and disturbed object relations - that demonstrate the hidden depths of Dr. Goulston's knowledge.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Donald Mitchell #1 HALL OF FAMETOP 50 REVIEWER on Oct. 12 2009
Format: Hardcover
"Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion." -- Romans 12:16

I was attracted to this book because I knew that Dr. Goulston would have something new to offer about listening. Most books on the subject simply rehash the same points. Just Listen fills the empty advice space between books on negotiating such as Getting to Yes and the NLP books that focus on the power of words and physical mirroring. Although most readers won't want to know very much about the latest in brain science, Dr. Goulston provides that a tad that provides more perspective about helping people regain control over their emotions.

For me, the book's strength was in its many examples of using the principles that are described. I was so impressed that I immediately rethought a family situation and hit on a solution that has already proven to be unexpectedly productive.

Dr. Goulston provides nine core rules that get you from being out of control to in charge of difficult situations, even ones you want to exit. From there, he provides 12 methods for gaining someone else's attention and agreement. I was struck that I had used most of the methods at one time or another, but I didn't have them categorized into when they would be most useful. I could also see ways to combine the methods that I had never considered before.

I was also amused to read some examples that involved people I know, which made Dr. Goulston's activities even more interesting as I compared what I did to what he did. Very helpful!

If you simply read a list of what he proposes, it wouldn't impress you. You need to read the book and put yourself into the stories he describes. Then, you'll get it.
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Format: Paperback
Note: This review is of the paperbound edition, published in March 2015.

The communication process that Mark Goulston introduces in this book (first published in 2010) can help almost anyone get to almost anyone else who would be otherwise inaccessible. Dorothy and her friends were advised to follow the yellow brick road. Goulston advises his reader to follow the five-step 'persuasion cycle.' There won't be any flying monkeys to worry about but there may be distractions so focus on the basic nine rules he identifies and master the twelve 'quick techniques' he recommends.

In essence, this is how the process should go: Convert the given person(s) from (1) resisting to listening, (2) from listening to considering, (3) from considering to willing to do, (4) from willing to do to doing it, and (5) from doing it to being glad they did'and will continue to do so.

These are among the dozens of passages of greatest interest and value to me, also listed to suggest the scope of Goulston's coverage:

o The Persuasion Cycle (Pages 7-10)
o The Secret: Getting Through Is Simple (10-13)
o Amygdala Hijack and the Death of Rational Thought (16-17)
o Mirror Neurons (19-23)
Note: You may wish to check out Gregory Hickock's The Myth of Mirror Neurons: The Real Neuroscience of Communication and Cognition.
o How Well Do You Know the People You Know? (41-43)
o Why Does "Feeling Felt" Change People?
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