Last Gift of Time [Paperback]

Even though she admits it's nice to have younger women friends to "stay in touch" with popular culture, all I could say to myself was, wow, she is sure out of touch. This book relates in no way to the struggles of women my generation, women from broken families with no support, women inheriting tens of thousands of dollars in school debt to remain competitive in the market, failed marriages or victims of spousal abuse, poor to no healthcare, worries over the future of their own social security and families split by the economics of hunting for work far away from personal history and friends. With her priviledged lifestyle (a steady secure job with the same institution for most of her life...who has that anymore?) she can afford to buy a new separate house of her own after already owning a grand home in the country and a flat in the city?! I found nothing to identify with. So she can wear pants now. Well how do I translate that for my own coming years? So she identifies with writers as secret pals. Ok, so does anyone who enjoys reading at all. She likes dogs. Yes, dogs and cats make good companions. That's pretty much accepted fact no matter what age you're at. I wanted to peer into the deeper lessons of life and love and all she can offer me (from the safety and security of her long and seeminly rather dull relationship) is that men are like cats? And this is from a woman who doesn't even feel strong and independent enough to buy a house truly on her own without draggin the cat, oh, I mean husband, along to help make the decision?

C'mon Carolyn. I'm happy that you're happy, but it looks to me you have alot to be happy about. Your book however really tells me nothing except that it must be nice to have those royalties in addition to a nice retirement to create your private paradise for one. I guess if I wanted a little more realism I should interview the folks at the local rest home and see what kind of advice they have to offer. Give this book to your grandmother and she'll really enjoy it as a quaint look down memory lane. Don't however expect it to be a peek into the future of your own senior class.

Reading the younger reviewer who obviously didn't "get" Heilbrun causes me to suspect 1)she does not work with men; and/or 2) she is not old enough to appreciate what her older female "sisters" have accomplished. Women struggling with the daily Chinese water-torture of patronizing and discounting males in the workplace (never subtle), and/or older women who lived through the 50s and 60s who were not allowed to attend "men's" schools or hold "men's" jobs will appreciate Heilbrun. (As will enlightened men.) Although the women's movement has accomplished much, much remains to be done. As Heilbrun points out, until the preference for male babies ends and the existence of "pompous, self-satisfied, established males" is terminated, the movement is not over.

Heilbrun's chapters are conversational, newsy, and cheerful. They contain the sort of friendly advice you seek from an old friend. Yes, get a computer and learn how to use email. My aunts in their 80s have learned how to log on and write mail to each other and their children and nieces and nephews. Like Heilbrun's family, we are a reconnected family again. If you have an older relative, help them become computer literate.

Heilbrun says enjoy slacks!!! I laughed out loud when I looked in my old 1959 high school year book and recalled that we girls were "allowed" to wear pants to school one day a year, the day we worked on the homecoming floats (I'm not given to looking backwards, the younger gals in the office wanted me to bring my yearbook to work so I checked it out beforehand to make sure it contained no embarrasing moments). I also had the unpleasant experience in 1973 of being "thrown out" of the commisary at the local army post because I had had dared to enter the store wearing pants. I had a full cart of groceries and was in the check-out lane. I had to go home with my three children under age 10 in tow, change clothes and drive back to the store and start all over again. You better believe Heilbrun's chapter "On not wearing dresses" stuck a cord with me.

In "The dog who came to stay" Heilbrun shares her experiences with Bianca the Black Shepherd. She says a dog can get you out for that walk you need every day and provide you with all the unconditional love you can stand. Her section on men is equally informative. She says, if you get a cat you should expect he will scratch the furniture, and you make up your mind you will tolerate his "catty" behavior because you love him--don't try to change his nature. If you can be tolerant of your pets habits, you can be tolerant of your husband's habits too. She also recommends nailing underwear to the floor.

Heilbrun says reading is a wonderful pastime in retirement, but if you haven't been a reader, you're not likely to start when you retire. However, you should develop a hobby and have something to look forward to after you leave the workplace for good (or else keep working like my 72-year old husband).

Heilbrun has written several biographies, and lists biographies as one of her favorite "reads." Her chapters on Gloria Steinem and May Sarton are quite good--particularly the section on Sarton, whose literary executor she is. I appreciated Heilbrun's thoughts on Sarton's rages against male publishers, and Maxine Kumin's uphill fight for recognition. This is a great book for women moving into their older years, and some men will enjoy it too.