We Love Each Other, But . . .: Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last Paperback – Feb 14 2000
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“What a gift from an expert in the field. We Love Each Other, But... is as warm as it is wise. In fact, it was hard to put down. Dr. Ellen Wachtel's ideas can be put into practice immediately and will help couples in all stages of marriage. You don't need to have problems to benefit--this book will make a good relationship even better. It's the kind of solid, commonsensical advice couples need in today's fast-paced world.” ―Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrila Dating Tactics and How to Stay Lovers For Life
“A wonderful accessible, and practical guide for couples seeking to avoid affairs, make good sense out of those shaky moments that inevitably challenge even the healthiest relationships, and last the course happily together.” ―Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair
“Dr. Ellen Wachten is special in the field of family therapy, and this book shows her at her best. She is a highly skilled professional, but more than being smart, she is wise. Best of all, she meets her readers as she does her clients, with true personal openness and candor. In addition to learning important skills, readers of this enjoyable book will be able to address their problems with the help of a comforting, reassuring friend.” ―Donald A. Bloch, M.D., president of American Family Therapy Academy
About the Author
Dr. Ellen F. Wachtel, author of We Love Each Other, But... is widely known in the field of marriage and family therapy. She has a Ph.D. in psychology and a law degree from Harvard Law School. She has taught at the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy, New York University, the City University of New York, and New York City's St. Lukes-Roosevelt Hospital. Married for more than thirty years and the mother of two grown children, she lives in New York City.See all Product Description
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* We Love Each Other But ... Every Decision is a Tug-of-War
* We Love Each Other But ... We Get into Really Bad Arguments
* We Love Each Other But ... We Don't Have Much of a Sex Life
* We Love Each Other But ... But I Have a Hard Time Dealing with my Partner's Emotional Hang-ups
* We Used to Love Each Other But ... Now I'm Not So Sure
* We Love Each Other But ... Life with Children Isn't Easy
* We Love Each Other But ... Is This It?
The author's style is easy-to-read, and she gives terse usable relationship rules that my husband and I have adopted in our day-to-day reactions. We went from discussing divorce to being the strongest couple we've ever been, and look forward to many more happy decades together.
For instance, Dr. Wachtel's advice has turned our frequent explosive arguments into productive discussions. We now walk away from the conversation when either one of us gets emotional or defensive, returning to it after 10 minutes or an hour. We know not to get upset when someone calls a time out. We focus on understanding the other's perspective instead of just getting our own across. We touch more often, and for the first time in a long time, I know my husband still loves me, and he knows I still love him.
I believe that if we'd read this book earlier, and been open to Dr. Wachtel's ideas, we would have never reached the crisis point we came to. I've since bought 4 additional copies of this book (my husband and I each have one) to give as wedding gifts. If you're in a relationship, or think you may be in one some day, give this book a glance. The few hours it takes to read are well worth it.
The fact that Dr. Wachtel uses both same-sex and heterosexual couples in her examples is just icing on the cake.
BUT....then I read this book. It is GREAT!!! I went on line after I identified that the real problem could actually be me, and ordered over 20...yes 20.. books on love, sex, and marriage. I set out to FIX this problem. Well This book is giving me the foundation from which to build. The chapter on your "We don't have too much Sex life" was excellent. To follow up "Dealing With..Emotional Hang-ups," helped me as well. I must acknowledge that some of those hang-ups came about due to the lack of sex. To my female peers, I am sure that you will agree that men are so much more pleasant after you've made love. While reading I would run to my husband and say..."hey read this..let's get those tapes.." I discovered that the hard porn was okay, but it was too synthetic for me, and those women were dumb as an ox. Who actually comes in and says..."oh I want you to ... me" to an absolute stranger?
Plus Dr. Ellen Wachtel didn't speak to me as if I was a patient. I couldn't comfortably read a book that sounds like the author has not had sex themselves in over a decade. Some books analyzed it from a medical point of view. Who cares about how one's testosterone level may effect one's Sex drive. I just want to please my husband and thereby please myself. I took my book everywhere! So, not to run on..which is another trait (smile) I just want to say---DO IT!! BUY THIS BOOK, and try out some of the suggestions Dr. Ellen Wachtel makes.
SIDEBAR: please overlook the typos, I am just so excited about the book, I just finished it--I wanted to scribble off a note to share this discovery.