I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide [Paperback]

Book Review

I *Heart* Female Orgasm
By Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller

Reviewed by Shannon Pringle for Venus Envy

The cover seduced me. On a simple white background were three black words and one red heart presented with such simple enthusiasm that I was smitten at first sight. The title of the book read I Love Female Orgasm and I thought to myself, "Me too!" I am sure others will agree that this 3-15 seconds of unparalleled rapture is worthy of such a bold declaration.

I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide is a fun, refreshing, demystifying and inclusive tour through the world of the female-bodied orgasm. Whether you are looking to have your first orgasm, are not sure if you have ever had an orgasm, are an orgasm connoisseur, or are a partner wanting to know more about women's orgasm, this book contains a wealth of information for you. There are a number of female orgasm books on the market, but this one captured my interest, beyond its frisky title, for its attempt to be inclusive, in its approach and use of language, of people of diverse genders and sexual orientations. There is just so much knowledge to be gained from people who experience their bodies and desires differently from what you may be accustomed to, and I Love Female Orgasm underlines the similarities in the human sexual experience rather than the differences.

There are always new things to learn, myths to deconstruct, and shame to squelch surrounding women's sexuality, and Solot and Miller take on this challenge. They have included chapters on the psychology and physiology of orgasms, masturbation, cunnilingus, intercourse, the g-spot and female ejaculation, sex toys, men and female orgasm, queer orgasms, [...] play, and safer sex and birth control. Their thoroughness has left me somewhat daunted in how to approach this review, so I am going to write about what I love and learned from I Love Female Orgasm.

I loved learning, in the chapter "The Lowdown on the Big O," that the plateau phase of the female sexual response cycle can sometimes last for what seems like an inordinately long time, but usually, if the arousing stimulation continues, an orgasm can be reached. So for those out there who feel that taking a long time to come somehow means that they are defective, well it just isn't so. Solot's and Miller's section "Eight Lies You May Have Heard About Masturbation" is a refreshing reminder about how persistent these myths are in our culture, despite the advances of sex-positive feminism. And I Love Female Orgasm contains lots of tips on how to masturbate to orgasm for those who are new to it and for those wanting to change up an old routine.

The chapter "Going Down, Down Baby: Oral Sex and Female Orgasm" is great for anyone going down on anyone with a clitoris, especially if you learned about performing oral sex by watching mainstream porn. Mainstream porn, its sexual techniques and angles, are designed to turn on the viewer, not the participants, which makes it a poor example of how to actually get off. For anyone who fears that they don't measure up to today's porn stars, I recommend the "Porn Alert" section for a reminder on what an artificially created and surgically enhanced world it is.

I also appreciated the reminder that although a person may have a sex partner they are still responsible for their own orgasm. This is Slott's and Miller's take-home point from the chapter on intercourse. It's not fair to put the burden of responsibility for your sexual pleasure on your partner, nor to blame them if you don't come. Penetrative intercourse, whether it is with a biological penis or a silicone dildo, is not physically well designed to produce female-bodied orgasms easily. Only 30 percent of female-bodied people will orgasm from intercourse alone; most will need to have some kind of clitoral stimulation to come. This fact of life does not reflect poorly on the receptive partner, the penetrative partner, nor diminish the intimacy of the act, though we have been culturally lead to believe otherwise.

I was delighted to see the two Venus Envy stores mentioned in the chapter of "Vibrators, Toys and Piercings, Oh My!" as part of a handful of North American, women-orientated, educationally based sex shops. The chapter also has some good ideas for including sex toys in partnered sex. Solot and Miller wrap up I Love Female Orgasm with some tips for being a great lover: there's a chapter titled "Let's Here It For The Boys" that is written largely for biological males who have been socialized as males and a great chapter called "Coming with Pride" which includes lesbian sex advice and information about orgasms for transgendered and intersexed folks. I was so pleased to see this last section as it is the first time I have seen this topic in a mainstream sex guide! I Love Female Orgasm was a great read, and many times it made me want to have an orgasm, give someone and orgasm, and buy the tee-shirt!

I actually picked up this book not because I was interested in what
it had to say (I thought the book was going to be a joke), but
because the title of the book made me laugh. I flipped through a few
pages and decided that I definitely wanted to read some more into it.
I sat down in a chair with my girlfriend and without even realizing
it, read all of the first chapter. I have to say, I learned more from
the first chapter of your book than I have from all of the books and
websites and references on sexuality that I have ever seen in my
life. I told my girlfriend that I HAD to have the book, so she bought
it for me. I read the entire book over the weekend. I made so many
footnotes, bookmarks, and had so many highlighted passages that it
looked like my college textbooks. I have since shared the books with
my family, friends, and girlfriend, all of whom have loved it. Not
only has it increased my sexual awareness by about a bazillion, it
has also brought my sex life to a whole new level.

For women and (especially) men on the quest to better their sex lives, this is the book. On a spree (and after a few hours of research), I bought this along with some Betty Dodson books and Rubel's "Squirms, Screams and Squirts," and I have to say: this was the best--for couples AND singles. I recommend ALL of these books, but if you're on a budget, start here. GENTLEMEN, START HERE: This book has the most detailed information on the G-spot I have found as of yet, and (aside from the aid of your partner) is probably the most likely candidate to help you find it.

Dodson seems to cover more of the psychological side (i.e. getting over inhibitions, etc. to better enjoy your own sexuality), and Rubel's was more of a specific "how-to" book (great for ideas, not always medically accurate); Solot and Miller's was a nice mix between the two, medically accurate and laid out in a very reader-oriented style. No slogging through 30-page, under- or over-detailed chapters in novel-sized print.

Happy reading.

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