Loving an Adult Child of an Alcoholic Paperback – Apr 16 2007
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Most apparent in the reading of this book is that Doug and Deborah Bey believe in the possibility of adult children of alcoholics being able to garner and sustain healthy couple-ship. Addressing the well known issues of lack of trust, hypervigilance, difficulty with conflict, inability to play, assuming the worst, and fear of commitment are just a few of the dynamics in which they offer support and direction for both partners. With a wealth of examples, compassion, and humor this couple offers validation and hope to the possibilities of developing secure and healthy relationships. (Claudia Black, Ph. D., best-selling author of It Will Never Happen To Me: Growing Up with Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults)
About the Author
Dr. Douglas Bey is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, served as a board examiner for the American Board of Neurology and Psychiatry for many years, was past president of his county medical society, his hospital medical staff, and his county board of health. Deborah Bey is an adult child of an alcoholic. She trained at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis and was the head nurse on a hospital chemical dependency unit for a number of years. She later worked in a multidisciplinary private psychiatric group practice with Dr. Bey where she counseled ACOAs on an individual and group basis.
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Top Customer Reviews
Many behaviours of an ACOA are nearly impossible to understand coming from a great home and family. Thank you for writing this book, it will literally change my life for the better and keep us together.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Although the book is aimed at ACOA partners, I think it's full of wise advice for ANYONE who understands that relationships thrive and grow because of WORK.
One charming thing about it is that the Beys freely admit that they don't have all the answers, and have even been wrong in their evaluations and suggestions in the past. Although everyone knows no one is perfect, it's rare to see this sort of candor in a book of this type.
I am hoping to get my partner to read this as well, as I think there's a lot that we can discuss from it.
The only even slightly negative thing I would observe (and this is more a quibble than anything substantial) is that their writing style is a bit odd, with a strange avoidance of contractions and an aim at simplicity. It's almost as if it wasn't written by someone for whom English was their first language.
That said, it's still very clearly written. Overall; extremely highly recommended.
I feel the idea and intent are great, but it just doesn't accomplish what it's hoping to. It's poorly organized and written. They change topics mid paragraph with no warning whatsoever, leaving you confused and having to backtrack thinking you missed something. Points are also often needlessly repeated. For example, they created a chapter about something they had already thoroughly covered earlier in the book.
I also felt as if some of the stories were made up. Some of the things they claim people said to one another just do not sound realistic at all. I also don't buy into some of the claims they make in the Using Humor section. If an ACoA is in a fit of rage over something stemming from her father leaving her sitting at the bar drinking a Pepsi while he got drunk and her spouses response to her rage is basically to chill out and have a pepsi I'll be there in a minute, it is more than highly unlikely the ACoA is going to find humor in that. It would more realistically further enrage them.
I appreciate the authors time, effort and intent, but I just honestly don't feel as if this is the most helpful book available. Personally, they didn't cover anything that I hadn't already read in Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz, and that was a much better read and well worth the money!
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