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Loving Men More Needing Men Less [Paperback]

Judith Sills
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Feb. 21 1997
A psychologist shows women how they can stop needing men--and negotiating with them--and start loving them, offering day-to-day psychological strategies for single and married women that are designed to help them discover the path to true love. Reprint. Tour.

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Product Description

From Amazon

For women who want to love men, but not too much, Judith Sills provides a balanced recipe. Breathe a sigh of relief: this is not a lesson on how to serve or please men more. True to her feminist roots, Sills insists that love should never include tolerating sexist politics or overlooking abuses and injustices. In order to love men more and need them less, Sill teaches women how to be yogis--maintaining a firm grip on their voices, needs, and desires, while also finding the flexibility to truly love and accept the men in their lives.

About the Author

Dr. Judith Sills, is a clinical psychologist in private practice since 1975. She earned her Ph.D. at the Graduate Faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York City, where she was a three-year National Science Foundation Fellow, and later became director of Outpatient Psychiatric Services at Pacific Presbyterian Hospital in San Francisco.

A contributing editor to Family Circle magazine and a widely known expert on relationships, family issues, and general psychology, Dr. Sills has written three other books, the number one national bestseller Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way (1993), A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage (1987), How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love (1984), and numerous articles for national magazines such as Mademoiselle, Cosmopolitan, and New Woman. Her work has been cited in The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, and U.S. News and World Report, among other publications, and she has made frequent television and radio appearances on programs such as "60 Minutes," "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "NBC Nightly News."

Dr. Sills lives and works in Philadelphia where she shares a home with her husband and daughter. She is currently the host of her own radio talk show on WPHAT in Philadelphia.

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
Format:Paperback
Judith Sills tells us how we can change our relationships with men by Refocusing, Reframing, and Responding Differently to our man's behavior. And since Sills says it better than I can, I'll quote a few sentences from her first chapter:

"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."

If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.

And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.
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By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.
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5.0 out of 5 stars A Keeper July 24 2000
Format:Paperback
This book shows me how to be more tolerant of the man in my life. My expectations can be pretty high--almost unrealistic. I am reminded to let my signifcant other have his shortcomings while allowing some of my needs to be met though other people and, that the only one I can change is myself. It is one of the best relationship books on how to co-exist with another human being and still be a loving mate. Judith Sills is insightful and skilled in her professional life and with her writing, she's one of my favorite "how-to" authors.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.4 out of 5 stars  5 reviews
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This is the best engagement gift I could've gotten. April 1 1999
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Relationship Book is the only one I've Ever Kept March 29 2001
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
Judith Sills tells us how we can change our relationships with men by Refocusing, Reframing, and Responding Differently to our man's behavior. And since Sills says it better than I can, I'll quote a few sentences from her first chapter:

"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."

If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.

And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Keeper July 24 2000
By Gail Burgess - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
This book shows me how to be more tolerant of the man in my life. My expectations can be pretty high--almost unrealistic. I am reminded to let my signifcant other have his shortcomings while allowing some of my needs to be met though other people and, that the only one I can change is myself. It is one of the best relationship books on how to co-exist with another human being and still be a loving mate. Judith Sills is insightful and skilled in her professional life and with her writing, she's one of my favorite "how-to" authors.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible advice... if you're ready to listen! Sept. 3 2008
By CB - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Like so many of us, I've read a vast list of "relationship" books and most have a least a few decent pieces of advice to help gain perspective. However, Judith Sills' straight forward delivery of her blended "old world" and "new world" view of how women apply themselves in relationships REALLY resonated with me personally. I have to admit, it's taken maturity, spirituality and many failed relationships for me to understand how absolutely SOLID Judith's guidance is. I don't know that I would have found it as pertinent when I was 30 and still fighting to find my way but at 40+... this book has been the single best read I've stumbled across in quite some time! I'd say I wish I would have read it sooner but I think it found me at precisely the right time. Thank you, Judith, sincerely.
2.0 out of 5 stars Too Wordy and Rambling Dec 4 2013
By S. Wick - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
The structure of this book is indefinite. Very wordy and rambling. Too many "real life" examples. I just want to facts, Jack!
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