Manos: Hands of Fate (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

"Mystery Science Theater 3000" is all about digging up the worst movies possible, and relentlessly making fun of them. But Joel and the robots may have met their match in "Manos, the Hands of Fate" -- a tedious, fossilized movie with literally no redeeming characteristics at all. While the movie is too awful to even be amusing, it's kept funny by the running commentary.

On the Satellite of Love, Joel experiments with a module that causes all the bots to worship him -- and of course, once he removes it, they go right back to normal. Then comes the invention exchange, which is about as surreal as you'd expect, and then some.

Then the guys go into the theater for "Manos, The Hands of Fate"... and yes, that comma SHOULD be a colon, but isn't. After being treated to a horrible short film about "prospects," they are launched into the worst movie in the world: after a few hours of "driving" footage and some cop-related red herrings, a very boring all-American family arrives at a weird out-of-the-way house, occupied only by the knobby-kneed Torgo.

Amazingly, Torgo's creepy tics and constant babbling about "the Master" doesn't tip the family off that something weird might be going on in this place. And of course, eventually the bots begin to go insane from the sheer ineptitude of it all -- "Hey look, there's a field! And another field! And another field!" "Oh yes, it's very scenic. It's just like a scene from... "Manos, the Hands of Fate!". Cue Tom's hysterical sobs.

Well, what can I say about the movie? It is a dusty, tedious, grotesquely dull lump of fossilized excrement and I can barely believe it was actually released in even one theater. An example: after a make-out session is interrupted by a cop, the girl pauses, glances around as if confused, rearranges her hair and then shrieks in a Britney Spears voice, "Whah doncha leave us ALONE?"

I mean it. The movie is so bad that Frank and Dr. Forrester actually call to tell Joel and the bots that they feel sorry for them.

But the snark aimed at it is nothing short of BRILLIANT, especially since they have to make the worst movie EVER be entertaining just with their own wit. Of course, the bots spend most of the story alternately snarking ("Uh, that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo") and sobbing ("Ma-ma-ma-MANOS! THE HANDS OF FATE!"). And, of course, mocking the horrible production values, ghastly dialogue, and spasmodic acting.

"Manos, the Hands of Fate" is unquestionably the worst movie ever released in theaters (although I'm sure there are some worse student films out there), but the Mystery Science Theater 3000 snark is classic. Ma-ma-ma-MANOS! THE HANDS OF FATE!

"Manos: The Hands of Fate" is by far the best episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" ever. The film itself, about a family who stay in a sort-of motel run by satanists, is also coincidentally the worst in MST3K history. The pacing is horrible beyond belief, the acting is atrocious, and the script is underdeveloped, to say the least. The MST3K riffing is constantly hilarious, with barely a dry patch in sight. The host segments, while not among the series' best, are acceptable.
The host segments on DVD looks perfectly fine, slightly better than the VHS tape and certainly better than old bootlegs. The colours are vibrant and the image is sharp. The movie itself looks absolutely horrible, but really, what does one expect? I doubt that "Manos: The Hands of Fate" looked particularly good when it was first released. The menus are played to Torgo's theme music, for those who just want to hear it again and again and again. As a special feature, an MST3K blooper reel ("Poopie!") is included. Clocking at about 30 minutes, it's fairly funny, although certainly not for the casual MST3K fan.

MANOS would be embarassing to watch if it weren't for MST3K. The jokes are timed perfectly. This clanker of a horror movie is prime fodder for the denizens of the Satellite of Love because it has nothing going for it. The flaccid script takes itself so seriously, as does the directing, and that makes any film fair game for skewering. Then there are the characters: Torgo, the igor-ish idiot savant without the savant. There's the pathetic family performed in equally pathetic form. And of course there's Manos, who looks like Mr. Fawlty after too much abuse from Sybil.

The crew of the SOL, especiall Crow, are merciless, as fits the crime of this movie. This is a great place to start if you've never had the joy of watching MST3K