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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
 
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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough [Hardcover]

Lori Gottlieb
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 32.50
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Review

"Marry Him is a frank and funny read, weaving real people's stories with Gottlieb's own experiences, and containing sharp examinations of how society and culture-everything from When Harry Met Sally to The Bachelor-come into play when modern women look for love."
-The New York Observer

"A provocative pop culture treatise... she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions."
-The Chicago Tribune

"A funny cautionary tale of one woman's journey through the modern landscape of dating."
-Library Journal

"A well-conceived and convincing argument on how to find a more realistic Mr. Right. If you've ever sought your own Prince Charming, your love life will never be the same again. And that's a good thing."
-Christian Science Monitor

"A sensible plea to discard the toxic fantasy of romantic comedies and think realistically about what makes a solid partnership."
-Salon

"This impeccably researched tome is mandatory reading."
-The Huffington Post

"Funny and relatable... anything but antiromance."
-People magazine

"This is the smartest relationship book I've read in years."
-AOL's lemondrop.com

"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved... She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
-The Examiner

"An unexpected delight. Honest and darkly comic... the truth can be liberating."
-The New York Times

"Marry Him is surprisingly, unnervingly convincing."
-O, The Oprah Magazine

"In business, 'good enough' is often 'very good'. So why should we expect-and demand-perfection in dating and marriage?"
-Forbes Woman

"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved...She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
-The Examiner

"I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn't been able to should read this book."
-Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com

"What Gottlieb is saying isn't subversive--it's smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more."
-Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning Screenwriter of Juno

"Finally, here's a cautionary tale for anyone wondering why she hasn't found Mr. Right--with a hopeful message about the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. Close Enoughs, and even the Mr. What the F*#%s."
-Jill Soloway, writer and executive producer for Six Feet Under

"Engaging, hilarious, brutally honest and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real."
-Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a HUsband After 35

"This is a daring and wise book. Gottlieb tells it like it is: In our modern world of excuses, too many of us have unrealistic expectations about men and love, and even more unrealistic views of ourselves. Women (and men) should take Gottlieb's message to heart: 'Look for reasons to say yes.' It could change your life."
-Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University and author of Why Him? Why Her?

"I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what's in this book as my own sage wisdom."
-Kurt Anderson, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday and host of public radio's Studio 360

"Marry Him shows women how to find true happiness when seeking love--by giving them a new way to look at the world. Gottlieb manages to be hilarious yet thought-provoking, light-hearted yet profound on the questions of: Why do we fall in love? What qualities really matter in a marriage? For what reasons do we make the decisions that affect our whole lives? Like provocative realationship classics such as The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You, Marry Him will set people talking for years."
-Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project

"Lori Gottlieb's smart, insightful, witty observations gleaned on her own unusual romantic path signal and important new voice in single-girl lit. The Rules turned single women needy, He's Just Not That Into You made them depresed, and Marry Him finally sets them free, preaching that in the long run, 'good enough' might be better than great."
-Amy Sohn, author of Prospect Park West

"Marry Him is a treasure. A must-read on getting the male and female brain together in almost perfect harmony.'
-Louann Brizendine, New York Times bestselling author of The Female Brain and the upcoming The Male Brain

"By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb's incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women's magazine. For anyone who is single but looking, the surprising truths in Marry Him go against just about everything we've been brought up to believe about dating and marriage."
-Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series

Book Description

Lori Gottlieb discusses Marry Him in a video on The Atlantic website.

You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven't found The One just yet. Surely he'll come along, right?

But what if he doesn't? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn't realize it?

Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough.

Looking at her friends' happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, "Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb's probably got a point," to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, "Lori Gottlieb didn't want to take her mother's advice to be less picky, but now that she's turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right." Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their "type"?

That's where Marry Him comes in.

By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face--how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy--as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties.

Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.


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Customer Reviews

4 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.2 out of 5 stars (4 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars wow..i thought i was the only woman that was like that.., Jun 14 2011
This is a great book that provides a lot of insight if you are serial dating and going mental and frustrated with yourself. It makes you refocus and ask yourself exactly what you are looking for. Its a funny read, and you can relate if you are familiar with online dating. Definltly changed my approach.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Common sense advice, Jun 1 2011
By 
wabibito - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)   
Marry Him is a fun, easy read and, through Gottlieb's highly-relateable dating experiences, the book aims to be a wake-up call to women on why it is okay to "settle" for Mr. Good Enough.

Of course, the concept of "settling" is a gimmick to stir up controversy and sell books. When Gottleib speaks of "settling", she is advising women to let go of their rigid notions of what Mr. Right is supposed be and look like and focus on the qualities that really matter - his loyalty, honesty, goodness and kindness. Basically, common sense conclusions that are hard to disagree with. Although I found myself nodding in agreement to many of her points, ultimately, the book did not resonate with me, largely because I found it hard to be sympathetic to Gottlieb. Maybe it was just me, but in reading Marry Me, I was not convinced that Gottlieb, despite writing a book on the topic and speaking with many "experts" and laypersons alike, really got her own message.

This book, in part, is an autobiography of Gottlieb's dating history. Perhaps that is why I felt like this book would speak to a very specific demographic, i.e. Gottlieb's demographic: a woman in her early 20s to mid 30s, likely well-educated, has a decent career, is relatively attractive and has had opportunities in life to succeed. This woman grew up in an era where she benefitted from the breakthroughs of the Women's Liberation Movement, having "equal" opportunities in society, education, workforce and relationships. As a result of her personal and external circumstances, this woman probably grew up believing she really could "have it all". Importantly, and specific to this book, this woman has a history of rejecting men (maybe other people/things, as well?) on the basis of something relatively superficial and in looking for someone (something?) "better".

Gottlieb identifies a common issue for this woman (i.e. herself) - how does she reconcile her expectations of having it all with her desire for a happy marriage and family? What is she to do with her long list of must-haves in a man, which she believes she deserves and is attainable? Gottlieb asserts that these attitudes are the reason that many more women today in their mid 30s and 40s are single (including herself) - and facing the reality of a man pool that is a fraction of the size as when these women were in their 20s.

Despite her common sense conclusions, a word of caution, dear reader. When I consider the number of women that proclaimed in online reviews that this book saved their relationship, I could not help but think that, like all opinions, Gottlieb's advice should be taken with a grain of salt. No book, and certainly not this book, can capture The Whole Truth. Gottlieb made many generalizations throughout the book to make her point . The book was filled with examples of women who were filled with doubt about their "good enough" guy, left them, only to still be single years later. On the flip side, the book was filled with just as many examples of women who "settled" with their "good enough" guy, and of course, are happily married x years later.

In reality, there is a large gray zone in the middle. I could (hmmm...maybe I should) write a book about how being single after a long-term relationship can be highly beneficial for a young woman.

For what it's worth, my personal experience leads me to believe that, if by fate, you are lucky enough to even have a shot at "having it all" (because let's face it, around 5,999,000,000 other people in the world do not), you just may be able to have it all...but not all at once. C'est la vie.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Much Needed Reality Check, April 27 2011
By 
The wisdom and insights in this book were invaluable to me. It opened my eyes to the reality of being 41 and single, as well as assumptions and misconceptions I had made over the years on the guys I was and was not attracted to. It tuned me into the fact that I believed in the fallacy of "The One", as well as my unrealistic expectations of who/what my potential mate should be.

I highly recommend this book to any woman of any age that is out there dating right now. For me it was a much needed reality check.
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