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Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship [Mass Market Paperback]

John Gray
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 18 1998
You Don't Have To Be Single Forever.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Now he blasts off into the exciting new territory of the singles universe, applying his unique experience to unattached men and women'including the newly separated or divorced'looking for lasting intimacy.

Going beyond the old rules, John Gray doesn't just tell you how to behave; he explains why. With compassion and understanding he takes you through the five stages of dating'attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement'provides inspired ideas on finding your soul mate, and offers advice on creating a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship. If you're trying to find a date, debating whether to continue a relationship, or searching for commitment, Mars and Venus On A Date is your essential guide to successfully getting what you want.

Product Details

Product Description

From Amazon

The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

You're from another planet if you don't know who wrote this singles dating guide.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

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First Sentence
"During my relationship seminars, single women often come up to me and describe in great detail what they thought was a wonderful date." Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dating advice for traditional men and women Jan. 28 2003
By A Customer
I borrowed this book from my brother about four years ago. Four years later I have been married for three years and decided to finally read the book.
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement
The rest of the book is a collection of insights on how to make relationships successful or how to recognize when it is time to end a relationship.
My Comments:
First, I must admit that being involved in a traditional relationship (I am a married heterosexual) the insights in the book seemed fairly relevant and well designed. But, this is also one of the problems I see with the book. The book is designed exclusively for traditional, heterosexual relationships. If you are not a man or a woman looking for someone of the opposite sex to marry, then this isn't the book for you. The ultimate goal, as defined in the book, is marriage. If you are not looking to get married, then this isn't the book for you.
The book is written from a very traditional perspective. With the increase in non-traditional relationships (homosexuality, bisexuality, cohabitation, etc.) this book could alienate a lot of people. Also, there are continual references to God throughout the book. These references often coincide with a concept the author calls 'soul mates'. There is a trend in American society away from the traditional view of God, specifically seeing God as an active force in people's lives. As a result, this book could also alienate those people that don't believe in God or don't feel that God is active in their lives. And the idea of soul mates (as Dr.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars oh dear Aug. 10 2000
By A Customer
The people John describes are not people I recognise from my world. His men, for instance, only talk to each other when there's a problem. His single women are looking for marriage, whereas all the single women I know want to avoid it.
He gives gender-specific advice. He says that the man's role in dating is to make the woman happy, and that the woman's role is to acknowledge that the man is making her happy. He says that women shouldn't pursue men; he doesn't give a reason, which is a shame, because a rule like that is a constraint on a process which is already hard. He says that men should apologise more and should make a point of calling back; politeness is a good thing, although I've not found it a gender issue.
I disagreed with most things in this book. What bothers me is that John is a relationship expert while I am anything but, and that a lot of people have found this book useful. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe it's a cultural thing. It may well be that I'm delusional and the world really is as John describes it; although if it is, I don't think I'll be doing any dating - it doesn't sound much fun!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Moronic Sept. 12 1998
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Whatever credibility John Gray had is shot with his inclusion of a list of 101 places to meet your soulmate. I thumbed through the book at a co-worker's desk and couldn't believe what I was reading. (Neither could she.)
Most of the suggestions are so preposterous that I could read them verbatim at Open Mike Night at a comedy club and bring the house down. Some gems with my comments in brackets:
"If you're a woman in a restaurant, go to the rest room repeatedly so you can catch the eye of men." [And hope that a convention of urologists is in town?]
"If you wear a uniform, wear it when you're off duty because people will approach someone in a uniform." [I'm sure the meter reader from the local utility company is besieged with offers in between houses.]
"If you don't attend a church or synagogue, go to the one where there are the most eligible people." [Hey, who's got the best babes, the synagogue or the Episcopalian church?]
"If you don't like a museum, go to one and ask an art lover questions." [Allow me to display my total ignorance and annoy you. Two surefire ways to get you to spend the rest of your life with me.]
Finally my favorite of the list I've read so far:
"If you go to a bar and drink alcohol, go to a place where they don't serve alcohol. Your soulmate might not drink." [As opposed to 'If you don't do crack, go to a crackhouse because your soulmate might be a crackhead.']
I wish I were making these up, but I'm simply not that clever.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars OK at first, then offensive May 15 2004
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
The first 2/3 of the book was OK, with balanced "points of view" and "how-to's" for both men and women. Some of the information was interesting, explanatory, and useful; some was not.
But then the author began giving unbalanced treatment, primarily telling women how they ought to behave and what they ought to say. The message was that a man has a large and fragile ego, and that a woman should support his ego. She should never disagree with him, except "playfully". In public, she should paint him as a white knight, regardless of what really happened.
Perhaps it was just the author's writing style, but most of his examples, supposedly of real couples he'd observed or counseled, seemed made-up.
Finally, at the end of the book, the author insults the reader's intelligence with an idiotic, redundant, and unnecessary list of 101 places to look for a mate. Very patronizing.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Well explained!!
This is now my ultimate reference. It covers the phases of a date, released my worries because I do understand better our differences and how to feel less resentful in a... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Vicky St-Hilaire
4.0 out of 5 stars A must!
I've read this book numerous times and each time I learn something useful. Although redundant at times, this is a must read for any young couple. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Alexandre
5.0 out of 5 stars Very eye opening
There were so many light bulbs going off in my head that I lit up the room! I am about half way through and looking forward to the rest. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Sherri H Brideau
5.0 out of 5 stars Always a good one to have on the bookshelf
Even though I take all of John Gray's books with a grain of salt, they most certainly have come in handy. They DO make some things clear. Read more
Published on Aug. 15 2011 by rachelleme
If you are not a believer of this psychology, all I can say is give it two months of honest 100% trial, and you will be amazed at the results. Read more
Published on March 18 2011 by Violet Vega
3.0 out of 5 stars Solid, but a minor warning to shy readers
John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date" is a solid piece of work, with well-reasoned insights into the dynamics of male-female romantic relationships. Read more
Published on April 10 2004 by DBW
A year ago,I didn't want to believe this book was the truth.I wanted to believe I could be the agressor in dating and relationships. Read more
Published on Feb. 29 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book, Good Points
I heard about this book and decided to check it out at the library. I really enjoyed it. This book is easy to read, insightful and funny. Read more
Published on Dec 26 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
I am a skeptic and I usually do not like relationship self help books, but this one offers such practical advice, and is such a fun and easy read that I was immediately sold. Read more
Published on Dec 3 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars All that is true, but....
the truth is the sad one. I found that author made great, insightful observations, and I'll be using this book as a guide to dating (amongs some others, like "The Rules", etc). Read more
Published on Dec 1 2003
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