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Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship [Mass Market Paperback]

John Gray
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 18 1998
You Don't Have To Be Single Forever.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Now he blasts off into the exciting new territory of the singles universe, applying his unique experience to unattached men and women'including the newly separated or divorced'looking for lasting intimacy.

Going beyond the old rules, John Gray doesn't just tell you how to behave; he explains why. With compassion and understanding he takes you through the five stages of dating'attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement'provides inspired ideas on finding your soul mate, and offers advice on creating a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship. If you're trying to find a date, debating whether to continue a relationship, or searching for commitment, Mars and Venus On A Date is your essential guide to successfully getting what you want.

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Product Description

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The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

You're from another planet if you don't know who wrote this singles dating guide.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

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"During my relationship seminars, single women often come up to me and describe in great detail what they thought was a wonderful date." Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dating advice for traditional men and women Jan. 28 2003
By A Customer
I borrowed this book from my brother about four years ago. Four years later I have been married for three years and decided to finally read the book.
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement
The rest of the book is a collection of insights on how to make relationships successful or how to recognize when it is time to end a relationship.
My Comments:
First, I must admit that being involved in a traditional relationship (I am a married heterosexual) the insights in the book seemed fairly relevant and well designed. But, this is also one of the problems I see with the book. The book is designed exclusively for traditional, heterosexual relationships. If you are not a man or a woman looking for someone of the opposite sex to marry, then this isn't the book for you. The ultimate goal, as defined in the book, is marriage. If you are not looking to get married, then this isn't the book for you.
The book is written from a very traditional perspective. With the increase in non-traditional relationships (homosexuality, bisexuality, cohabitation, etc.) this book could alienate a lot of people. Also, there are continual references to God throughout the book. These references often coincide with a concept the author calls 'soul mates'. There is a trend in American society away from the traditional view of God, specifically seeing God as an active force in people's lives. As a result, this book could also alienate those people that don't believe in God or don't feel that God is active in their lives. And the idea of soul mates (as Dr.
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3.0 out of 5 stars Solid, but a minor warning to shy readers April 10 2004
John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date" is a solid piece of work, with well-reasoned insights into the dynamics of male-female romantic relationships.
One note, though, to men who are shy, and might see the book as a guide to learning how to get dates more easily. Shyness is not really addressed here. This is by no means meant as a criticism, but given the notoriety of the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" books, many men may wonder if this kind of help is being offered here.
The closest Gray comes to touching on shyness is when he says that many men get tongue-tied when approaching women they're attracted to, and that usually the best advice is to say the most simple thing ("Hi, I'm John," etc.). He also briefly touches on the various ways women might flirt, and the ways to tastefully send out non-verbal cues that you're interested. This territory is covered in a total of maybe three paragraphs, at different points in the book. One of the last sections touches on dozens of places to meet your soulmate.
The book is great for people who don't have any trouble in the initial, attraction phase. But for those who can't get to that first approach, this may not be the best place to start.
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4.0 out of 5 stars All Stages Are Necessary Aug. 22 2003
The book describes the five stages of courtship: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement. Although different people have called these stages different things, the second stage is the one that is unique to this book. When a couple begins dating, there is inevitably a period of uncertainty. Even if someone expresses his undying love on Friday night (and really means it), he can change his mind by Saturday morning. This period of uncertainty can really throw the other person off. "How can he possibly not love me today, when he loved me yesterday? What happened? What changed?"
As a dating expert, I know first-hand that people are most confused by this period of uncertainty. And John Gray uncovers another gem-much uncertainty is caused by rushing intimacy. Once you understand this concept that, your next relationship will have a much greater chance of success if you follow the five stages of courtship in the order they were intended.
This book is more like reading Shakespeare than flipping through the pages of Cosmopolitan. John Gray's writing style reflects the fact that he spent many years in school, writing thesis after thesis. Although it may be more fun to watch Sex and the City, reading this book will be a lot cheaper than reclining on a therapist's couch. Plus, you'll be one step closer to a lasting relationship.
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4.0 out of 5 stars A good read, but form your own opinions... Aug. 10 2003
This book has some good points and bad points. Like most relationship guides (i.e. The Rules), if you agree with what the author is saying, it's a good book. If you don't agree with them, it's a bad book. I think the point to take away with this book is that John Gray has talked to a LOT of people about relationships and the suggestions and information in this book is based on what he learned from talking to real people.
For example, he talks about why men don't call after a date. I had no idea that if a man didn't call you, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you. It's good to know the other reasons why he's not calling, and that not only is it okay for you to call him, but you SHOULD call him because it'll let him know that you're not mad at him for not calling!
He does have some very old fashioned views, such as, the man should always pay for the dates. Nevermind if the man makes $25K a year and the woman makes $70K... now-a-days that kind of thinking is just not practical. He also says some strange things like, if a man opens a car door for you, you should not reach over and unlock his door because that will take away all the pleasure that he got from opening the car door for you.
All in all, it's a good read, has some good information about the five stages of dating, why men and women act the way they do, how to talk to each other, and how to act. Take what you agree with and use it, but form your own opinions. Don't follow it like it's a bible.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Well explained!!
This is now my ultimate reference. It covers the phases of a date, released my worries because I do understand better our differences and how to feel less resentful in a... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Vicky St-Hilaire
4.0 out of 5 stars A must!
I've read this book numerous times and each time I learn something useful. Although redundant at times, this is a must read for any young couple. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Alexandre
5.0 out of 5 stars Very eye opening
There were so many light bulbs going off in my head that I lit up the room! I am about half way through and looking forward to the rest. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Sherri H Brideau
5.0 out of 5 stars Always a good one to have on the bookshelf
Even though I take all of John Gray's books with a grain of salt, they most certainly have come in handy. They DO make some things clear. Read more
Published on Aug. 15 2011 by rachelleme
If you are not a believer of this psychology, all I can say is give it two months of honest 100% trial, and you will be amazed at the results. Read more
Published on March 18 2011 by Violet Vega
1.0 out of 5 stars OK at first, then offensive
The first 2/3 of the book was OK, with balanced "points of view" and "how-to's" for both men and women. Read more
Published on May 15 2004
A year ago,I didn't want to believe this book was the truth.I wanted to believe I could be the agressor in dating and relationships. Read more
Published on Feb. 29 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book, Good Points
I heard about this book and decided to check it out at the library. I really enjoyed it. This book is easy to read, insightful and funny. Read more
Published on Dec 26 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening
I am a skeptic and I usually do not like relationship self help books, but this one offers such practical advice, and is such a fun and easy read that I was immediately sold. Read more
Published on Dec 3 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars All that is true, but....
the truth is the sad one. I found that author made great, insightful observations, and I'll be using this book as a guide to dating (amongs some others, like "The Rules", etc). Read more
Published on Dec 1 2003
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