It's easier to live in harmony when you know yourself and the person you're living with. Not "know" as in, "Why, hi, I'm Bob, glad to know you, want to live with me?" But more like "know" as in you've spent quality time and effort to figure out how you and your partner think (process information) and react to a wide range of (often unobvious) challenges. Most of this book offers things to think/talk about that may not have occurred to you. That's because we're usually blind to the ways we've been brought up; we don't often think about how we think and we don't often challenge our own beliefs. Friction arises from these areas of invisibility. Once the veil is lifted, and once you realize how you've been controlled and influenced by your personal upbringing, you're in the enviable position of being empowered to choose to stay that way or to change. All change will affect your relationship. These changes, themselves, may well improve your relationship(s) to the point that more heavy-duty "problem-solving" techniques are unneeded. In my view, it's so important for you try on. In my view, it's so important for you try on your new self (and your new understanding of your partner) that the serious discussion of actual issue-solving strategies doesn't even begin until Chapter Seven; if your concerns and upsets hang on to you through Chapter Six, we throw the kitchen sink at them in the final two chapters.
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4.3 out of 5 stars
3 reviews
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars
402 not 401 -- more advanced ideas for relationships
Oct 3 2008
By TammyJo Eckhart
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
There are strong positives and also strong negatives to this second book in the "Master/slave Relationships" series from Bob Rubel. The strengths are admitting Ds/Ms relationships need work, explaining multiple theories and methods, and the acknowledgment that everyone must do the work to make things function well in a relationship. However the negatives outweighed these positives for me including the basic idea that all relationships can work, confusion over how much work or compromise the master must do, and the need for more examples of serious problems and solutions. Being the first book of it's kind in kinky circles is a good thing but I'd like people with longer, more successful Ds and Ms dynamics to jump into this discussion. I know several folks, myself included, who have decades of experience in finding, supporting, and maintaining healthy Ds and Ms dynamics and we need to start talking about how we get it all to work.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent and Must read!
May 15 2013
By MsHeim
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book offers solutions to common issues that pop up in all types of relationships. It has helped us to find new ways of handling issues that arise in our family. Thank you!
5.0 out of 5 stars
Sexual Problem Solving and more
Aug 26 2012
By Blyss Albright
- Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
It IS all about communication. Asking questions. Listening with an open mind and heart. Giving up the need `to be right'. Moving into a place of `I wonder..." . Giving the other the benefit of the doubt. These solutions work, in relationships, ALL relationships. Yep, that means if you really apply them you will likely become a better employee/employer, parent/child and it will all cross over into easier, cleaner, clearer communications inside your relationship. There are no easy answers. As a friend says: successful M/s the PhD of relationships. The techniques offered here, can't hurt and might just help.
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4.3 out of 5 stars
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