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on June 28, 2004
If you have experienced a miscarriage, BUY THIS BOOK!
I lost my first pregnancy at 17 weeks after trying to conceive for 2 1/2 years. After the loss I was in a fog of despair I had never come close to experiencing. This book put into words so many of my feelings that I was too lost and raw with pain to even begin to explore. All of the books I had read only dealed with early loss or stillbirth. I felt like my feelings of mourning weren't normal and I felt completely alone--like I was the only person in the world to suffer a second trimester loss.
This book had accounts of women who had lost their babies at the same point in pregnancy I had and those accounts saved me. Also, some people have mentioned that the physical aspects aren't mentioned, but the most important physical aspects for me were talked about. My milk coming in, seeing my body no longer growing with life, etc. were some very physical aspects that no one had discussed with me but were touched on in the book.
Through reading this book I stopped feeling like I was crazy or losing it. I learned to honor my grief and allow myself to mourn the life of my child and the hopes and dreams that were dashed when we lost our baby.
This book also helped me deal with my mother. She kept getting upset when I'd cry. She would call my sisters and say "oh no, she's crying again" as if I was doing something criminal. I gave her the book finally and she read it and hasn't said one thing to me since to make me feel guilt over mourning my child.
Good luck to all of you out there that are so unfortunate to have to buy this book. And a huge thank you to the authors for providing a much needed bible for women dealing with loss.
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on July 17, 2003
Having had a miscarriage myself recently, I wanted to read all the books I could about it. I found most of them to be pretty dry, very "fact based" and brushing over the emotional aspect of miscarriage. You see, miscarriage is much less a PHYSICAL experience but an EMOTIONAL one. The pain and grief you suffer is much like the death of a close family member. However with miscarriage there are no rituals--no burials, no supportive phone calls, most women don't even know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It is a very sad and lonely time and society certainly does not recognize the emotional aspect. No one can understand the devastation until they have gone through it themselves.
What I love about this book is that there are no medical facts--this book is about FEELINGS. There are hundreds of interviews with women who lost babies to miscarriage or stillbirth. They share their feelings, how they coped. Even "weird" things they did to help comfort themselves that many women (myself included!) could relate to. I felt less alone after reading this book. It made me realize that many women felt the same way I do after their miscarriages, and that it is ok to grieve. I absolutely LOVE this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who has suffered a miscarriage or knows someone who has.
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on May 19, 2001
I don't know if I would ever have described a book as supportive before reading this. A friend of mine (who lost a pregancy in week 16) sent this to me right after I lost my baby. It really helped me during my grieving process, which lasted about 5-6 months. By reading this book, I realized that I was not alone, nor was I crazy or overreacting to what was a devastating loss for me. I read it, cried, scribbled notes in the margins, and grieved (and grieved and grieved). It felt like a support group in a book!
The book was also useful in helping my husband understand what it was I was going through. I was too angry, sad and exhausted to be able to explain myself to him and it helped me to be able to simply underline passages and have him read them.
It's important to note that this book deals almost exclusivley with the emotional side of miscarriage. It does not attempt to explain the physical components of loss. It is for that reason that I think it is so valuable. After all, most of us are fine physically after losing a pregnancy. It's the emotional scars that take so long to heal.
Sadly, I have bought four more copies of this to give to friends of mine who have also suffered miscarriages. While I am grateful that this resource exists, I wish so much that none of us needed it.
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on September 29, 2000
I discovered this book after my 3rd miscarriage, and I am incredibly grateful for it. It has helped me to begin work through my grief. It was so reassuring to realize that many other women have had similar feelings, and that my feelings are normal and healthy.
After reading this book, I decided that rather than getting rid of any 'mementos' from my pregnancies (such as ultrasound pictures and journal entries), I wanted to gather them to together and keep them as a concrete reminder of my babies' brief lives. I also decided to name each of my children. I found that acknowledging and honoring their lives has not caused me to dwell more on the losses, but to be able to grieve for them, which I believe is really the first step to 'recovering' from the loss. Obviously I will never 'recover', but the sadness does decrease over time.
I would recommend this book to any woman who has had a miscarriage, whether recently or years ago. If any of my friends are unfortunate enough to suffer a miscarriage in the future I think that I would bring them this book and a large box of tissues (and maybe a heating pad and something for the cramps too :-) ! )
I also wish that this book was required reading for every OB (or any medical professionals who deals with pregnant women). I was lucky enough to have a wonderful midwife, but I have heard horror stories about treatment from many other women. I think that this book would give them a better perspective on miscarriage from a woman's point of view.
I was also glad to see that this book was not overly religious. So many of the books on miscarriage are incredibly "Christian" - many bible quotes etc. There is a wonderful chapter at the end of the book that definitely deals with spirituality and religion that I appreciated, but it was not the main focus of the book.
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on December 2, 2002
After my miscarriage I went to the liabary and they didn't have any books, my doctor didn't have any, and as I am in South Korea I didn't have a store I could go too, to buy some. So I came online and of the four books I bought this one alone helped me.
This book is so well written and at times I was even brought to tears because these women had the same thoughts and feelings I was going through. reading what they each had written, how they had coped and grew stronger, was the best help I could have gotten. It made me relize that I will surive and that eventually I would be able to make it a whole day, then a week and now it has been a couple monthes without the pain.
If one of my friends has a miscarriage then this would the book I would pull off my shelf and tell them to read. It hurts to read but it feels good afterwards.
If you do need this book then let me tell you that from my heart I feel for you and it will get better. Trust me.
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on January 25, 2001
I found this book in the library after my second miscarriage. I read as much as I could right there and when my own emerging feelings of grief overwhelmed me, I headed home to read the rest. I felt remarkably reassured to be able to label my emotion, "grief", rather than thinking I was crazy.
The format allowed me to skim areas that I didn't identify with ("a need to name the baby", for instance) and delve into more deeply those emotions I was feeling ("grief").
I rushed to get it again after my third miscarriage. It helped me once again. I feel so grateful to the authors for their help - they saved my sanity! Now that I've had two successful pregnancies, I still think back on what a difference this book made to me at my darkest hours.
I highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with this tragedy.
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on November 16, 2015
This is a great book for any woman who needs to process and grieve the death of their unborn child in miscarriage, whether early or late. It helped my husband and I to understand my thoughts and feelings, as chapters have information and then stories from a wide array of women and experiences. Yes, I cried when I started reading it, and I did have to put it down now and then and return to it the next day or so, but it was one of those necessary things that I had to do. I realized that like the book said, closure is not easy when there isn't someone to lay to rest in the ground. In addition, it was so comforting to read the feelings of other women who felt like I did. Overall, a great book and highly recommend for anyone going through this anguishing time.
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on April 6, 2000
I read this book shortly after I miscarried my first baby (and first pregancy) at 12 weeks. I was a little surprised when a good friend sent it to me because it seemed like too much too soon. But in actuality this was the ideal book for me to read immediately following the miscarriage. It helped me to begin my grieving process and it validated every emotion I was experiencing. I highly recommend this book to women (and men) who have experienced a miscarriage prior to the 20th week of pregnancy. The narratives spoke to me and the author's words helped me begin to work through the pain, fear, anger, guilt and confusion. I cannot give this a higher recommendation.
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on June 19, 1998
After my second miscarriage, I felt that I needed some support and insight as to whether or not my feelings of desperation and grief were rational. This book helped to understand my grief and made me feel that I was not alone.It addressed so many issues and answered so many questions for me. It should be mandatory reading for physicians and health care professionals. I mentioned it to my infertility specialist and he said he would get a copy for his waiting room. I'm beating him to the punch and ordering a copy for him. No woman should feel alone through this terrible ordeal and this book will certainly help to address those feelings.
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on October 30, 1996
I searched everything available on this subject after my miscarriage. Finally I came upon this book. Thank God I did. It was helpful to me in a way that all of the others combined were not. The book helped me to understand my feelings and to deal with them in a way which honored my baby and brought comfort.
It brought my husband and me closer together again. My doctor learned how to handle women in the future in a manner more helpful.
This is a book in which women help women to find comfort for a soul wound of women. Need I say more? --Marianne in California
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