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Mom's House, Dad's House Paperback – Nov 18 1997

3.6 out of 5 stars 26 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone; REV1 edition (Nov. 18 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0684830787
  • ISBN-13: 978-0684830780
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 2.3 x 21.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 386 g
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars 26 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #106,564 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

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According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend."

About the Author

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.

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"WHERE do you live?" the middle-aged businessman asked the nine-year-old girl sitting next to him on the plane. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

3.6 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I bought this book in the midst of a custody case for my husband's daughter. The description of the book, chapter titles, etc., made it sound like exactly the information I was looking for to help us through a very rough time and give us some ideas on how to improve communication and ease tension.
However, I finished this book feeling a little let down and confused. As another reviewer pointed out, if the people in the book were able to work so well together while getting divorced, why did they not attempt to remain together and seek counseling/structure for their marriage? The ultimate dream of any small child with divorcing parents is for them to remain together.
Also, it seemed like 90% of the examples of families/home structures in this book had the children living with their mother, and the father as the non-custodial parent. Although my husband did not ultimately get custody of his daughter, he is a wonderful father, and we know many dads who have physical custody. A few more examples of kids living primarily with their father would have been nice. As a parent, I can definitely say that I don't believe a mother loves a child any more than a father does. There is a special bond for a woman and her children to be sure, but there is just as special and loving bond between father and child.
While the real-life examples conveyed the anger and frustration of divorce, there wasn't much about custody cases. This was a topic that was supposed to be covered in this book, and it was only lightly touched upon. Dr. Ricci would have done more of a service to the readers of the book if she had touched on any and all scenarios of divorce/custody/visitation.
I believe there is always room to grow as a person and as a family. This is not a bad resource, but check it out from the library rather than buy it, and look into other materials as I am.
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By A Customer on June 16 2003
Format: Paperback
I think this is an extraordinarily valuable book. This was my guide through a very painful process, perhaps the single most difficult thing I've ever experienced.
I think the book correctly takes the high road, and focuses on the right things. This book won't heal your hurts, it's not supposed to do that. It can help you get on with life. And, my circumstances were very, very painful - involving addiction, infidelity and deceit. I chose to be an adult, and keep my kids out of the process. Thanks to this book, I was able to avoid a lot of the "battling tops" games that typically arise in these situations. I got down to business, put my emotions in check, and got it done. And, I'm a MUCH happier person today.
And, the proof is in the pudding: my kids about got STRAIGHT A's, DURING the divorce process. Their lives continued, while Mom and Dad figured it out, as adults, away from them. That's how it should be, they're the innocent victims. There were no games, no using the kids, no yelling. My ex and I crafted a very unique parenting plan, that was applauded by our attorneys AND the Judge.
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Format: Paperback
If parents can get along as well as Ricci purports in this book, then I don't see why they would have ever gotten divorced. While I do think that parents need to make the children a priority in divorce, this book can tend to make divorced parents feel like failures if they do miss their children when they are visiting the other parent or make custodial parents feel guilty for having primary custody. Her stories of how divorced mates still love each other and admire each other from afar and work together in harmony for the sake of the children tend to read more like a fairy tale than the reality of most divorce situations.
This book fails to address issues of selfish parents and what to do with an ex spouse who is bitter and angry and consistently uses the child(ren) as a weapon(s). The book tends to villainize parents with primary custody, making them sound like selfish control freaks who only have their own interests at heart and not their child's. In most cases that I have seen, this is far from the truth and joint custody isn't nearly as rosy as Ricci claims it can be.
If you can pull it off, I give you lots of credit. But very few divorced parents that I know can do this successfully.
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Format: Paperback
I have to say that I am currently in the process and almost finished reading the original Mom's House, Dad's House - Making Shared Custody Work and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has changed my belief system on shared placement (responsibilities). The very first page of Chap. 1 made me cry. My main concern was that our son (4 1/2) feel as though he had a place HE could call HOME. I felt that flip flopping back and forth on the current 5,5,2,2 day schedule was unstable for him. I feel as though an angel touched me on the shoulder and brought this book into my life. My view instantly changed about shared placement when the little girl from Chap. 1 responds to the businessman on the airplane that she has two "real" homes. I tear up thinking about each time. I no longer feel that our son should be placed primarily with me - that he will have 2 homes - 2 families and that is wonderful for him. I especially love the use of "rose" words and changing ! such terms of "visiting" to "living with" each parent. I have already implemented the use of these terms. The surveys are also wonderful self examinations that (if answered truthfully) will be so educational for you. The use of a "Parent Agreement" is also something I think is wonderful. I have already typed the initial draft and I plan to approach my child's father with it and get his input. It was great to see the different stages literally mapped out for you. I also enjoyed the chapter on changing your once intimate relationship into a business relationship and avoiding the negative intimacy that can be so prevalent in these situations and how to avoid "hot spots".
I cannot emphasize how inspirational this book has been for me!!
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