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Mom's House, Dad's House [Paperback]

Isolina Ricci Ph.D.
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 19.99
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Book Description

Nov. 18 1997
Now revised, updated, and expanded, this groundbreaking guide for parents and professionals covers the legal, financial, and emotional realities of creating two happy and stable homes for children in the aftermath of a divorce, including custody arrangements, mediation, and more.

Can children flourish in any custody situation? If their parents read Mom’s House, Dad’s House, the answer is a resounding yes. This unique ground-breaking classic, which has become the standard for two generations of parents, is again breaking new ground with examples, self-tests, checklists, and guidelines. This comprehensive guide looks anew at the needs of all concerned with even more creative options and commonsense advice, including:

· The map to a “decent divorce” and two happy homes; healing yourself and your children; the New Family Bill of Rights after separation.

· Helping your children with age-specific advice; explaining change, giving them continuity and security; restabilizing their sense of home and family; danger signals; five ways to evaluate your children’s time.

· Negotiating Parental Agreements; legal do’s and don’ts; time arrangements; custody types; attorneys; how to get ready for negotiations; when to use mediation; using “HIRT” test when an agreement is broken.

· Breaking away from “negative intimacy” with a difficult ex; how to talk to your former mate; steps to building a “businesslike” relationship as parents; how to avoid becoming the neighborhood “soap opera”

· Sidestepping destructive myths; making the emotions, “flashbacks,” and heartbreak of separation or divorce work for you and your child.

· Handling long-distance parenting; managing the return of an absent parent, holidays, remarriage, life without another parent

Frequently Bought Together

Mom's House, Dad's House + Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two + Two Homes
Price For All Three: CDN$ 35.02

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Product Details

Product Description

From Amazon

According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend."

About the Author

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
"WHERE do you live?" the middle-aged businessman asked the nine-year-old girl sitting next to him on the plane. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good ideas, but I'll continue to research more... Oct. 28 2003
I bought this book in the midst of a custody case for my husband's daughter. The description of the book, chapter titles, etc., made it sound like exactly the information I was looking for to help us through a very rough time and give us some ideas on how to improve communication and ease tension.
However, I finished this book feeling a little let down and confused. As another reviewer pointed out, if the people in the book were able to work so well together while getting divorced, why did they not attempt to remain together and seek counseling/structure for their marriage? The ultimate dream of any small child with divorcing parents is for them to remain together.
Also, it seemed like 90% of the examples of families/home structures in this book had the children living with their mother, and the father as the non-custodial parent. Although my husband did not ultimately get custody of his daughter, he is a wonderful father, and we know many dads who have physical custody. A few more examples of kids living primarily with their father would have been nice. As a parent, I can definitely say that I don't believe a mother loves a child any more than a father does. There is a special bond for a woman and her children to be sure, but there is just as special and loving bond between father and child.
While the real-life examples conveyed the anger and frustration of divorce, there wasn't much about custody cases. This was a topic that was supposed to be covered in this book, and it was only lightly touched upon. Dr. Ricci would have done more of a service to the readers of the book if she had touched on any and all scenarios of divorce/custody/visitation.
I believe there is always room to grow as a person and as a family. This is not a bad resource, but check it out from the library rather than buy it, and look into other materials as I am.
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5.0 out of 5 stars My Handbook June 16 2003
By A Customer
I think this is an extraordinarily valuable book. This was my guide through a very painful process, perhaps the single most difficult thing I've ever experienced.
I think the book correctly takes the high road, and focuses on the right things. This book won't heal your hurts, it's not supposed to do that. It can help you get on with life. And, my circumstances were very, very painful - involving addiction, infidelity and deceit. I chose to be an adult, and keep my kids out of the process. Thanks to this book, I was able to avoid a lot of the "battling tops" games that typically arise in these situations. I got down to business, put my emotions in check, and got it done. And, I'm a MUCH happier person today.
And, the proof is in the pudding: my kids about got STRAIGHT A's, DURING the divorce process. Their lives continued, while Mom and Dad figured it out, as adults, away from them. That's how it should be, they're the innocent victims. There were no games, no using the kids, no yelling. My ex and I crafted a very unique parenting plan, that was applauded by our attorneys AND the Judge.
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By A Customer
If parents can get along as well as Ricci purports in this book, then I don't see why they would have ever gotten divorced. While I do think that parents need to make the children a priority in divorce, this book can tend to make divorced parents feel like failures if they do miss their children when they are visiting the other parent or make custodial parents feel guilty for having primary custody. Her stories of how divorced mates still love each other and admire each other from afar and work together in harmony for the sake of the children tend to read more like a fairy tale than the reality of most divorce situations.
This book fails to address issues of selfish parents and what to do with an ex spouse who is bitter and angry and consistently uses the child(ren) as a weapon(s). The book tends to villainize parents with primary custody, making them sound like selfish control freaks who only have their own interests at heart and not their child's. In most cases that I have seen, this is far from the truth and joint custody isn't nearly as rosy as Ricci claims it can be.
If you can pull it off, I give you lots of credit. But very few divorced parents that I know can do this successfully.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Downright Educational and Awakening! July 19 1998
By A Customer
I have to say that I am currently in the process and almost finished reading the original Mom's House, Dad's House - Making Shared Custody Work and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has changed my belief system on shared placement (responsibilities). The very first page of Chap. 1 made me cry. My main concern was that our son (4 1/2) feel as though he had a place HE could call HOME. I felt that flip flopping back and forth on the current 5,5,2,2 day schedule was unstable for him. I feel as though an angel touched me on the shoulder and brought this book into my life. My view instantly changed about shared placement when the little girl from Chap. 1 responds to the businessman on the airplane that she has two "real" homes. I tear up thinking about each time. I no longer feel that our son should be placed primarily with me - that he will have 2 homes - 2 families and that is wonderful for him. I especially love the use of "rose" words and changing ! such terms of "visiting" to "living with" each parent. I have already implemented the use of these terms. The surveys are also wonderful self examinations that (if answered truthfully) will be so educational for you. The use of a "Parent Agreement" is also something I think is wonderful. I have already typed the initial draft and I plan to approach my child's father with it and get his input. It was great to see the different stages literally mapped out for you. I also enjoyed the chapter on changing your once intimate relationship into a business relationship and avoiding the negative intimacy that can be so prevalent in these situations and how to avoid "hot spots".
I cannot emphasize how inspirational this book has been for me!!
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Every parent should read
This is an excellent book that every parent should read. The book teaches you that divorce is like death and there are steps which must be taken in order to get through the... Read more
Published on June 25 2004
3.0 out of 5 stars Nice book.
I just needed something that reaches some broader topics. I have referred it to people who weren't facing all the problems I was. This is a nice book.
Published on Nov. 5 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars We formed a new relationship with the help of the book
Mom's House, Dad's House is an island of rational ideas and support in a sea of self help books. Dr. Read more
Published on July 15 2003
1.0 out of 5 stars Outdated Information
I can see from the dates on the 5 Star reviews that this book was more valuable in the 70's. The attitudes in our society and the legal arena have moved way past this book.
Published on May 12 2003
1.0 out of 5 stars The Fallacy of Mom's House Dad's House
Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci: I did not find this book remotely helpful and, by contrast, found it did a diservice to the process in which I was engaged when my ex... Read more
Published on May 8 2003
2.0 out of 5 stars Just doesn't cut it.
1997 information just doesn't cut it for 2003. This is a nice book for a nice person, dealing with a nice person. That's not what I am facing. Read more
Published on Jan. 5 2003
1.0 out of 5 stars Can you say Outdated as .......
I don't care if this was supposedly "Revised and expanded" it's still something that does not have enough relevant information for our time in the 21st century. Read more
Published on Aug. 2 2002 by Richard Schwalbe
1.0 out of 5 stars Only worth the used book price.
This book must have been written in a vacuum. Things are just not this simple as this book makes it look. Don't waste your money on this book. There are much better on the market. Read more
Published on June 8 2002
3.0 out of 5 stars Usefulness Depends on Your Situation
I am going through a divorce that is a little sticky but not horrible. We have one child, and I looked to this book to help me and my wife devise a great dual-home for our child. Read more
Published on May 20 2002
5.0 out of 5 stars i'd love to support to my an adorable kid !
hello! i'd like to have under and support child through to my an adorable kid through to being good parents with our beautiful and good-looking lovely and an adorable kid to me and... Read more
Published on Feb. 18 2002 by A 12-year old reader
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