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Moscow Zero [Import]

Vincent Gallo , Oksana Akinshina , María Lidón    R (Restricted)   DVD

Price: CDN$ 10.27 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over CDN$ 25. Details
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Amazon.com: 1.8 out of 5 stars  16 reviews
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Moscow Zero (2006) is disappointing. Nov 6 2008
By lk2 - Published on Amazon.com
Format:DVD
Moscow Zero (2006) is a disappointing film. This is an independent film, but it was not meant to be a cheap exploitation movie.

There are some solid actors in the film:
Val Kilmer, Joss Ackland, Joaquim de Almeida, Rade Serbedzija, Vincent Gallo, Oksana Akinshina.

The filmmaker was trying to make an atmospheric horror movie/psychological study of darkness, and she created a soggy, boring mess.

This was a waste of some good, talented actors.

A major part of why the movie fails it that you don't really care what happens to the characters. They are characters without much connection to the audience. The characters are killed, and you don't care one way or the other. The deaths are not interesting or creative or fancy or much of anything except dull.

And there are no scares. You are supposed to be scared, but instead you are bored, waiting for something exciting or meaningful to happen. You watch the entire movie (if you don't turn it off in disgust before the end) and then think, "What a waste of time".

Most of the action is supposed to take place in chambers that are beneath Moscow. So for atmosphere, most of the film is dark, and it's sometimes difficult to see clearly what the characters are doing. Adding to the confusion, it's hard to understand why the characters act the way they do. The meaning is supposed to become clear and unfold as you watch the movie advance in time, except that the characters, like in a low-grade horror film, are doing things without much sense to them. So even when you say to yourself, after seeing the added meaning of characters/items
you saw before, "OK, now I understand what's happening more clearly", it doesn't really matter very much. The story was simple and did not make much sense before, and it still does not make much sense now. You understand what the filmmaker was trying to create, an atmospheric horror film with meaning that would slowly unfold, but she ended up with a talky, low-budget mess.

There are definitely worse movies out there. But because of the actors in this film, I was really hoping for something worth watching. And this is just a time-waster. No thrills. No scares. No interesting story.

The movie would make more sense as a video game. And be a better experience. If the movie was based on a video game, that might explain why it's such a poor movie. The filmmaker was focused on trying to make a faithful transition from video game or script to film, instead of trying to make an interesting and watchable film.

A simpler explanation might be that the director (María Lidón) is a hack who lacks the talent to make a good movie.

Hopefully, if she does make any more movies, they will be better than this one.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Where is Dr. Kevorkian when you need him? Mar 8 2009
By Elijahbull - Published on Amazon.com
Format:DVD
I just watched Moscow Zero. Apparently they rated it in the title - zero. Please put me out of my misery. They should make prisoners at Guatanamo prison watch this over and over again to extract information from the terrorists. Then again, we aren't allowed to torture our prisoners anymore, so that wouldn't be humane.

This was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Don't even watch it if someone tries to bribe you with money. Your time is too precious.

Let me summarize it for you: Yawwwnnnnnnnnnn!!! (Pause for effect)(Silence with crickets chirping in the background). Oh...okay...you are in a Russian dried out sewer system under a Catholic church. It is a circle. Kids fled with the nuns to get away from communists years before. The nuns told the kids that any adult outsiders were demons. The nuns die. The children await a nun to come and get them, who at some time years before died. They are left to grow up in the dark tunnels They can see in the dark. Adults from above ground have heard rumors of demons below in the tunnels. The kids scratch bones on the walls to scare off demons. The adults above think demons are making scratching sounds. An archaeologist ventures down below to trace the legend out. His friends go looking for him. As the kids run around the circular tunnel, their shadows move along the wall scaring the adults. The adults (supposed demons) scare the kids. They both think each other are demons. A woman is with the men. The kids think she is the returning nun. So they follow her out of the tunnel into the above Catholic church. There is no end, no explanation, no final meeting between adults and kids, no discovery of the truth, nothing, nada. The end falls off the edge of the film's reel before it ends. It's one of these - "What the??? What happened??? I just wasted what seemed like 5 hours on that, and there is no ending???" Actually, after re-reading this review, I should have written the script. Mine was more exciting and less timely.

Should you watch this movie? Is that a question or a joke?
You ask, "Why did you watch the whole thing?" I was hoping that at some time it was going to get better, kind of a gamble after you've invested so much of your time already. I guess I'm just stupid. Don't be stupid yourself. Don't waste your time. You'd be better off watching "Tele-tubbies Gone Wild" on PBS.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Simply The Worst Movie! Mar 3 2009
By Edward Havel - Published on Amazon.com
Okay, listen up LUNA, stop making movies!!
This film actually pisses me off...it's that bad. Can you imagine how many
hungry children in the world you could have fed instead of wasting
all that money on making this unwatchable crap? And leave Val Kilmer
alone! He's a great actor and certainly unworthy of your lack of
vision, talent and storytelling.

SO there!

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