My Body Is Private [Paperback]

All the important issues are discussed in a non-frightening yet serious manner and without providing too much detail about what can happen during a sexual abuse encounter. My goal is to educate my male children about prevention of sexual abuse without enlightening them with details about what actually can and does happen during a sexual abuse encounter; there is an element of innocence I wish to protect at their young ages of two and five.

This is the sequence of the content of this story:
Privacy is defined and several examples are given, and private body parts are described as those covered by a bathing suit. The body parts for both girls and boys are named here using the proper terminology for both male and female genitals and the term "bottom" for the buttocks and anal area. The girl states she already knows that no one can touch her in any way she doesn't like, whether it involves her private parts or any other part of her body, such as not wanting to sit on her uncle's lap. Examples of touching that are enjoyed are given such as cuddling with a dog and dancing with Dad. Tickling is described as fun but that sometimes it can go too far and no longer be fun. The girl is encouraged to say "no" to anyone at any time if she doesn't want them touching her (in sexual or non-sexual ways without using the term "sexual"). The mother explains that it is the feelings of the girl that are most important, not the person who she is asking to stop or saying no to, because the girl worried that if she said no she would hurt the feelings of the other person. The mother warns the girl not to allow anyone to touch her private parts or take photos of them, and she should not touch the private parts of another person. The offending person is said to possibly be a stranger or someone she knows such as a friend or relative. The girl is told to shout "no" and to run the other way, then to tell the parent or caregiver or teacher what happened.

The only thing that I think would make this a more perfect book would be if the parent were talking to a brother and sister at the same time and if the example of touching that the child didn't like was not the stereotypical and common example of adult male with young girl. I'd prefer more examples to illustrate that a boy can be abused as well as a girl. I am amazed that children's books about prevention of sexual abuse never give the example that a boy can be a victim, or that both males and females can be an abuser. Lastly, the mother warns against older children inappropriately touching her and I think it should simply say "other children" as abuse can happen with both younger and same-aged peers. Despite these few issues, this is the best book that I have found to read aloud to my children and I do highly recommend it. Regarding my complaints, I realize that I can address these issues in conversations with my boys.

The book respects readers' intelligence by using the proper terminology for genitalia and the generic term "bottom" to mean the buttocks. I like that. Too many works are weakened by silly euphemistic or babyish names for the anatomy that do nobody any real service. This book is a good teaching tool and an excellent forum for discussion of a serious topic. It is one that all ages would find beneficial.

Boys also can be sexually abused and this is never addressed in this book. I agree that this already excellent work would have been even more effective had the discussion included a brother as part of the discussion. While it is only natural to want to preserve a child's innocence, it is still very vital to empower children with information about what constitutes desired (non-sexual) and "good" touches and what doesn't. This in turn will help families build a more safety-savvy world.

This book does an excellent job of defining "privacy" replete with examples, e.g. "private parts" are the parts of one's body that are generally covered by their underwear or a bathing suit. The girl featured in the story declares that nobody can touch her private parts in ways she does not want and then goes on to describe other kinds of touching she doesn't like, such as sitting on her uncle's lap. On the flip side, "good touches" are highlighted, such as loving cuddles and dancing and an arm around the shoulder. The distinction could not be more clear and for that I salute this book!

Gray areas such as tickling are explored. Tickling can be fun, but it can also go too far where the one being tickled is not enjoying it. That is another example of when to demand that a certain "touch" or tactile activity be stopped. The children are well within their rights to do so at any time. Hugs and kisses are described as generally being welcome and acceptable, but children should not be forced to hug and kiss and/or endure being hugged and kissed by someone who makes them feel uncomfortable.

The literary mother is very wise; she makes it plain to her daughter that it is the child's feelings that are paramount and not to worry about hurting somebody's feelings if she tells them not to touch her in ways she does not like. Genital touching including being forced to touch someone else's private parts is discussed; the girl is also told not to take photographs of somebody's private parts or willingly allow anyone to photograph hers. My favorite part was when the mother tells her daughter that the predator is NOT always a stranger and can be someone the child knows very well, including a relative. That point CANNOT be stressed enough. The child is told to try to escape as soon as possible and tell an adult she trusts what happened.

Sadly, there is a dearth of stories like this for boys as boys also can be the recipients of sexual abuse. Since the girl has a brother, one wonders why he was not included in this safety talk since part of the discussion involved him. His safety has to be considered as well. Another good point to be made is having the mother tell her daughter that it is never acceptable for "other children" as opposed to "older children" because that could be misleading. Those few things notwithstanding, I feel this is one of the best books I've encountered on this very serious subject.

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