- Hardcover: 184 pages
- Publisher: Beacon Press; 1 edition (May 1 2006)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0807079642
- ISBN-13: 978-0807079645
- Product Dimensions: 21.8 x 14.2 x 2.3 cm
- Shipping Weight: 363 g
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #1,743,252 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Details |
Product Description
From Publishers Weekly
When his elderly parents begin failing in health, the author, a Bank Street College educator, must come to terms with a drastic shift in caretaking roles. His account recognizes a lifetime of transformative relations with his parents, Depression-era New York Jews, especially his father, for whom the author's declaration of gayness decades earlier struck like a "personal injury." The father's sense of betrayal by the son, begun when the author started writing on gay issues and signing them with his name (which is also the father's name), is compounded as the father undergoes successive, debilitating operations for cancer of the larynx. Losing control of his body, the father reasserts his authority by taking care of finances while lashing out at his son, leaving him feeling "ambushed," intimidated and reluctant to visit the nursing home where his father lives. Despite past efforts to distance himself from his disapproving parents, Silin, well into his 50s, must take responsibility for their care, preferring a caring approach, rather than treating them like dependent children. Forgiveness occasionally graces these encounters, as when the author's partner of 30 years dies, and Silin's father offers a tender acknowledgment. Silin's work is at once thoughtful and erudite. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Former early childhood classroom teacher Silin, who now teaches other early childhood teachers, drew on his professional skills to help his parents as their eighties brought his father glaucoma, spinal stenosis, and laryngial cancer; his mother ulcer surgery, numerous small strokes, and heart problems; and both of them broken hips. In turn, his experiences with them affected his work as he expanded his postgraduate teaching to consider the early years of rapid, obvious development as part of overall lifespan development, and to emphasize the evolution of child-parent relationships over time. His report on the interaction of his professional and filial experiences proves most refreshing in his refusal ever to regard his parents as children, no matter their levels of dependency, for "to imagine that our roles were reversed would have undermined their dignity while burdening me with confusing emotions." As his caretaker role evolves and evokes memories of childhood, he remains forever their child, even as he becomes the primary decision maker among them. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
3.7 out of 5 stars (3 customer reviews)
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
My Fathers Keeper Book Review, Oct 22 2009
By Jess L. - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: My Father's Keeper: The Story of a Gay Son and His Aging Parents (Paperback)
My Father's Keeper is the story of a gay man in midlife who must learn to care for his elderly parents when their health begins to fail. The novel takes you through his life roles as he undergoes a shift in responsibilities. We are taken through the struggles that both Silin and his parents must endure as becomes the caretaker and his parents accept their new limitations. This story conveys Silins struggles with distancing his himself from his parents enough that he can understand them, but not absorb the anger caused by their illness. The ultimate message that we are left with is what it means to be a caregiver to the very end. Silin's work is thoughtful and honest. He offers a series of valuable reports using his experiences from childhood, education, parenting, mental health, old age, death, and forgiveness. This is a unique, well written story that provides us with what may lie ahead.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Have You Been There Yet?, Feb 14 2010
By Dr. J. Randy Beggs "contributor" - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: My Father's Keeper: The Story of a Gay Son and His Aging Parents (Paperback)
I've been there. Caregiving is maddening. This work actually protrays the love and insantity that go with the job.
0 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
too much of a good thing, July 24 2008
By Jeffery Mingo - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: My Father's Keeper: The Story of a Gay Son and His Aging Parents (Paperback)
Many adults have trouble dealing with the declining health and deaths of their parents, so this book may speak to many. However, this would have been better as an essay in a magazine or a chapter in an anthology. This book overstays its welcome with all its meditations on a subject that could be addressed briefly.Don't get me wrong: readers who loved "Dinner with Maury" may truly love this. Still, most people would love to have parents that make it into their 90s. Most people do not see their parent achieve that milestone. This book is not about premature or unexpected death. It speaks about a subject that many mature readers handle well as they see the writing on the wall.
The title is a bit deceptive. Of course it references Cain's biblical quote. However, this is not about the decline of the author's father, but of both his parents. He could have chosen a gender-neutral title, but instead chose an androcentric one. Further, he identifies as a gay man in the title, but few gay-specific issues come up. His experiences may speak to readers of all sexual identifications. Perhaps the author worried that no one would read his book so he specifically marketed it to one community.
The author is a teacher and like many in his profession, he just can't stop speaking about his job. I hate the way those workers have a bit of a God complex, so I really wasn't feeling those parts of the text.
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