My Secret Bully [Hardcover]

I wish I'd had this book when I was a child!

Monica, a "tween" (8-12) is facing the ugly truth about subtle bullying. Her former friend Katie makes snide comments about her to other girls; excludes her from games and tells Monica who she can and cannot talk to.

Monica is devastated; she and Katie had been friends since they were in kindergarten. She cannot understand why Katie turned against her. She tells her mother about the problem, but the two are at a loss as to what to do. To Monica's mother's credit, she does not tell her to be nicer to Katie or blame her; I know from personal experience that when I was a tween that was the kind of atrocious advice I would have been given.

When Katie's insidious hostility becomes so aggressive, Monica suffers from tension and stomach pains. She dreads school. Naturally, this forces her hand into telling her mother about the problem. Monica is empowered once she learns her mother is an ally and not beguiled and duped by Other People's Children, as I always believed mine was. (I never understood why people who are blessed with children sing the praises of Other People's Children to their own.)

Monica's mother comes up with an excellent solution. She said to confront Katie using mental strategy; instead of stooping to retaliation, Monica might say, "Does it make you feel good to say mean things to me in front of other people?" and comments of that ilk. That way the bullying behavior would be on record and Monica could stand tall and walk away, knowing she'd called Katie on her behavior.

Sadly, such insidious nastiness is very common among girls. This is to date the best book I've come across in openly and intelligently dealing with this subject. I highly recommend it to all parents and educators.

I read this book to my third graders just before a class meeting. The children were mesmorized by the problems faced by the characters and the discussion afterwards focused on a thoughtful account of discreet bullying going on in our school. This led to further discussions about bullying in our weekly class meetings. Trudy Ludwig has captured the essence of childhood bullying in this thoughtful book.

This subtle type of bullying is probably more universal--and definitely more insidious--than the kind we usually think of. I've never seen it addressed so explicitly before, and that alone is indispensable in helping kids to recognize what's happening to them and getting a grip on what to do about it. The subtle torture girls inflict on other girls can be extremely debilitating and damaging, not only at the time, but for the rest of their lives. Trudy Ludwig has created a beautiful book and done an extremely valuable service. I wish every girl could read it.