7 Myths of Working Mothers: Why Children and (Most) Careers Just Don't Mix [Hardcover]

Venker asserts that all working mothers are either a)selfish women who do not want to lose their identity or b) foolish women who did not begin planning for their future child care needs the day after they graduated from college. She makes no exceptions and is harsh and judgemental. She accurately surmises that that many Americans overuse their credit cards and live above their means but that does not mean that every woman who works is trying escape her parental responsibilities! There are many of us out there who are not indigents but who must work in order to provide for some of life's niceties. Things that are fun and enriching for children, such as trips to children's museums, zoos, the ice cream shop, and the YMCA pool are not free!

She also gets testy when working mothers enviously claim that stay-at-home types are "rich." Well, I beg to differ but I have worked as a personal trainer to many stay-at-home moms and by any standard they ARE rich. Many of these "martyrs" have a dirty secret: they pawn their kids off any chance they get. Venker's sunny vision of them doting on their kids from the moment they wake up till they sleep is false. If they didn't dump the kids somewhere how else could they squeeze in time for pedicures, facials, tennis sessions, Pilates sessions, lunch, and shopping?
And no, these pampered stay-at-home moms did not carefully save their dimes and nickels throughout college and in early adulthood so they could stay home. They got access to money and time the old fashioned way: they married it.

If you are a working mother, don't waste your money by letting this repetitive windbag of a writer insult you. Buy Ann Crittenden's book instead.

The tendency to shoot the messenger if you don't like the news, is evident in the negative reviews of Suzanne Venker's excellent book. She has the courage to tell the truth even though a book telling working mothers what they want to hear - which is that they are doing the best thing for their children - would probably have a better shot at being a best seller. It is evident that her love for children, and her concern for how the care they receive will affect society, is her motivation in writing, not any political or traditionalist axe to grind.

As Ms. Venker points out in Myth #5 (I'm a Better Mom for Working), however unpopular the idea may be, children's needs do not change based on their parents' economic status. As an educator and a former director of a non-profit day care center I can personally vouch for what Ms. Venker says about it being a myth that a small amount of quality time is a substitute for spending most of the day with a child. Children do just need quality time, and they need large quantities of it. They will starve on one bite a day of emotional filet mignon.

I also had ample opportunity working in day care to see children's perspective on what was important in their lives. I vividly remember a mother trying to soothe her children who were upset at being left in the morning by saying, "Mommy is working so we can afford a trip to the snow on the weekend. You like trips to the snow, don't you?" With tears in his eyes the older boy, age 4, said solomnly, "No, we'd rather have you, Mom."

In teaching elementary school age children, my current work, it is obvious to me which children have been raised in situations where their needs were met, and which were not. Aggression and lack of empathy are just two of the problems. This does not translate into full-time stay-at-home vs. full-time working outside the home. There is much ground in between. Ms. Venker lays out the issue of keeping a foot in the workforce very clearly, saying, "while they have young children women will have to be creative in fitting other work around their primary obligation to their children." As a writer and a mother she doesn't just talk the talk, she walks the walk. This book is not by some childless woman writing about theoretical ideas, this is someone who knows what every mother goes through in the ups and downs of raising children.

Finally, as the middle-aged mother of two college students, I would urge mothers-to-be and mothers of young children to read Ms. Venker's book and then remember the cliche that's so true - they DO grow up fast. By the later grades of elementary school they won't always want to spend their free time with you. You'll have years and years to work. Much as I love my work, I've never regretted working very, very part-time while the girls were little. I sincerely hope you read and think seriously about 7 Myths of Working Mothers, and that you will be able to look back at the choices you made in your child's early years with no regrets.