NEW Bloodrayne: Thethird Reich (DVD)

This is a movie about vampire Nazis killed by a katana-swinging medieval chick. There is NO excuse for it to be this bad.

But yes, "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" really IS that bad, combining everything that was wretched about the last two movies and adding plenty of new idiocies of its own. Unerotic sex, slapdash action scenes, a plot crammed with filler and starring Natassia Malthe's breasts, this is an exercise in bored ineptitude... or, in other words, an Uwe Boll movie.

During World War II, Rayne (Malthe) has taken to slaughtering Nazis at the camps, when she isn't hanging around a bordello getting naked massages. However, some of her blood was splattered on Commandant Brand (Michael Pare), right after she stabbed him, and he soon rises as a vampire. So the sadistic Dr Mangler (Clint Howard), a cut-rate Mengele clone, decides to take his vampire research further.

Rayne is horrified (or mildly confused, if you go by Malthe's expression) by this discovery, and she soon realizes that Mangler is planning to inject vampire blood into Hitler to make him immortal and nigh-unkillable. So she teams up with the local Resistance (populated by a bunch of undeveloped people whose names I can't remember), and tries to eliminate the vampires before Hitler grows a pair of fangs.

"BloodRayne: The Third Reich" is just as silly as the first movie, and as devastatingly dull as the second. And since this is Uwe Boll, there's lots of explicit gore, silly fight scenes, stupid plot holes (those Nazis don't hear a guy being killed TEN FEET BEHIND THEM?!) and unintentionally hilarious dialogue ("I am the prodigal son of the Third Reich! I am power incarnate... OOF!").

But don't worry, NONE of that is half as campily entertaining as it sounds. The story is painfully limp, and it sort of oozes by slowly -- most of it is just the Commandant and Dr. Mangler plot world domination, while Rayne hangs around with the Resistance doing... nothing much. It takes FOREVER for her to actually start fighting the bad guys.

However... that is STILL not enough. So Boll crams the movie with filler -- REEEAAALLLY LOOOONNG softcore lesbian sex scenes, Vampire Hitler dreams, and whole SUBPLOTS that exist merely to take up time. What is the point of the codebreaker Magda again, except to eat up ten minutes of running time and never be mentioned again? Don't be silly, there IS no point!

And you know the movie is full of fail when the best-developed character is a Nazi lieutenant. Natassia Malthe is awful as usual -- she looks, acts and sounds like a whiny teenage girl, especially since she spends much of the movie squeaking at the doughy Resistance leader. She does have two qualifications, though -- and both of them are CONSTANTLY on display.

It takes a special brand of horribleness to wreck a VAMPIRE NAZI movie, but Uwe Boll managed it. "BloodRayne" completes the trifecta of vampire wretchedness, so don't watch it except for a MST3K weekend.

This was a pain to watch...i was not even able to finish the movie. Thats not just even a cheesy movie but as well disturbing, boring action scene, predictable. It has to be bad for me not to finish a movie. Its a low budget movie and they spent more money on the nice cover then on the movie itself.

Well the only power evident here is the power of the stench that this terribly BAD film gives off!
"BloodRayne-The Third Reich"(released Nov/10)....what can one say about this stinker? I have not sat through a watching experience like this since Woods'"Glenn or Glenda";and some may even consider that a few notches above this one.Natasha Malthe stars as the lead Rayne,dressed to the hilt in black leather,push up bra and with a voice not dissimilar to Mila Jovovich(intentional?).Her co stars are Ron Howard's younger brother Clint as a German Scientist(definitely the acting vet of this entire company)and with Brendan Fletcher as Nathaniel,the partisan leader.I last saw Brendan in Freddy vs Jason some years ago;a movie 3 stars better than this.
The plot,such as it is,finds us in Western Russia,I would guesstimate either in /42 or /43.Rayne is a vampire but working on the side of good,ie.she's very anti-Nazi.During a fire fight with some German soldiers at a train station she impales their leader,then bites him.Well that one incident is the catalyst for the rest of the film.The Nazi leader of course comes back to life,thanks to Rayne(you would have thought she would have known better),and working in tandem with a German scientist,he starts to turn his subordinates into vampires also;an army of the undead he wants to take back to Berlin and show off to Der Fuehrer.
Well Rayne,with the help of the local partisans will have nothing of this.However the Germans learn of the partisans hideouts and later in a firefight in a warehouse the partisans and Rayne get captured.Rayne and Nathaniel are sitting in a lorry being driven to the train station for deportation to Berlin,when the rest of the partisans jump the convoy and free them.The film ends as we see the group back in the saddle again stealthily entering a concentration camp and taking on the Nazi contingent there;helping the allies gain freedom over this German scourge.
Go Rayne!......not.The film last barely 72 minutes....and to have gotten through it at all says alot about what this reviewer won't do for YOU,the dear reader.I think I should put in for a purple heart after all this,what do you think? Now I must say the acting here wasn't as bad as the stars that rate this charade would have you think.They all did the best they could with what they had,but what they had was miniscule.The dialogue and action is SO predictable as to be see through.For example,there is a scene where the scientist is playing chess with the vampire commandant.When the scientist says"checkmate",the German picks up a glass.Now who doesn't see a glass being crushed by hand as a sign of anger coming? No one.And if you want your sexual thrills thrown in,and what writer/plot that cannot think of something in the very least intelligent to impart doesn't,this is a good one.Rayne goes one on one with a female bordello employee.Later she switches over and goes at it with Nathaniel in the back of the lorry they're being taken to the train station in.Riiggght.Oh yes,the piece'de resistance?The "Germans" talk with an American accent,almost to a man.We're not surprised.
I see the budget on this bomb was about $10 million.Hmm.This film was done in Croatia during,I would guess,the winter of 2009/10.Since we don't have any Meryl Streep's or Clint Eastwood's about,I would guess the majority of the budget went for heaters,as it did look pretty darn cold.What else could explain an exorbitant budget like that....for this? It was obviously filmed in digital,which is much cheaper than film, one giveaway being its look.The backgrounds are much clearer,in fact the eye can see everything better,which leaves it up to the cameraman to adjust his types of shots.And now that you know the"plot",the money sure didn't go into the writing either.
Technically speaking the film is in a w/s a/r of 1:78:1.The extras include a featurette,commentary,trailers,and an interview with the writer;now THAT would be interesting to watch!Oh yes,for you masochistic types,there is a digital download,also.
Well,here is where I usually stick in my recommendations,but there aren't any.If you see this DVD in any way,shape or form anywhere,even if someone GIVES you a copy free,treat it like it has the bubonic plague virus all over it....and run like heck!