It doesn't get any cheesier than this: a wrestling pay-per-view featuring eight of the world's most terrifying (albeit generic) monsters: Frankenstein, The Mummy, Lady Vampire, the Werewolf, Swamp Gut, Cyclops, Zombie Man, and, of course, Witch Bitch. There's no Michael Booker asking fans "Are You Ready to Rumbleeeeee?" but that's just as well since there aren't any fans there. The monsters are sort of shy around crowds, and the last thing promoters want is for some fans to get their arms torn off, so the ring is set up in a creepy old graveyard - a cursed, creepy old graveyard - in Michigan. But hey, Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart is there, and Kevin Nash joins in the fun as Colonel Crookshanks, the man who's been secretly training Zombie Man for the past decade. Providing the funniest play-by-play since Celebrity Deathmatch are Sasquatch Sid Tucker (Art Hindle) and Buzz Chambers (Dave Foley). Is it stupid? Of course, it's stupid - but what glorious stupidity.
These are death matches, folks. Two monsters step in the ring, and only one leaves alive. The only rule is that there are no rules. You just know all of those tombstones around the ring are going to be put to good use. I don't know why the two middle-weight winners don't wrestle for a championship but, let's face it, we're all really here to crown a heavyweight champ. That's right, the winners of Werewolf vs. Swamp Gut and Frankenstein vs. Zombie Man must return to battle it out for the Monster Brawl Heavyweight Championship. And what a glorious fight it is, with both men - ahem - monsters showing remarkable resilience and unbelievable heart in a monster fight for the ages.
If you think monsters can't wrestle, think again. You'll see a number of actual wrestling moves, including the Figure Four (my favorite, despite the fact that my neighbor used to use that on me every time we wrestled as kids), the Sleeper, multiple clotheslines, and all kinds of good stuff. If you love monsters and wrestling, you're going to love Monster Brawl.