I Never Promised You A Goodie Bag: A Memoir of a Life Through Events, the Ones You Plan and the Ones You Don't [Hardcover]

I read a lot of memoirs, and was drawn to this one because of the title. It sounded cute and fun. What I got instead was one of the best memoirs I've ever read. Jennifer Gilbert's story is one I think all women in New York City, certainly (and elsewhere!) should read, as she opens up about the attack by a stranger that almost killed her, and then how she coped with it, both in healthy and less healthy ways. She is searingly honest about how the attack affected her closest relationships, with friends, family and romantic partners, how it helped drive her event planning business, Save the Date, and how it affected her process of getting pregnant. I stayed up late to finish this, utterly inspired by Gilbert's drive, her ability to, sometimes grudgingly, love herself, learn how to be a better person and let go of the shame she held onto around her attack. She goes back to topics she'd gone over earlier and gives different perspectives as she moves through major life passages, like becoming a mother.

Gilbert is humble, as well as humbled by what she's been through, and while I got many lessons out of this book, the biggest one is that what you look like on the outside isn't always how you feel on the inside. I'm sure this is something everyone instinctively knows, but when you read about Gilbert's hiding of her scars, facing her attacker in court, her chasing after unavailable men until finally welcoming love (with some cold feet along the way), learning from her children that once you start on a course of action, no matter how instinctual and habitual it feels, that you can always change, was incredibly moving. Gilbert writes, "The scariest step is always the first one." In this memoir, she takes multiple first steps, both literally, and figuratively. She rebuilds herself from the inside out, over and over, and has an incredible amount of empathy, mostly for others, and eventually, for herself. While about her very personal story of building a successful business and life from a tragic event, this memoir will also speak to anyone looking to move beyond their past and learn from it and help it mold them not into someone who succeeds despite their past, but because of it. Read this book, and keep tissues handy.

Albert Einstein said, "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

For years, Jennifer Gilbert, "Chief Visionary Office" and founder of "Save The Date," has focused on other people, committing herself to helping them celebrate milestones and lifetime achievements, sometimes with grandiose events. In this autobiography, she shines her spotlight inward with laser-edged awareness, revealing her insecurities, motivations, frailties and strengths.

In Part One, the author recounts the horrific attack she endured at the hands of a stranger and the aftermath that left her questioning "everything" and what might have caused it to happen. Through sheer determination, the former "happy-go-lucky" girl from the suburbs created a life for herself in New York City.

With the help of a good therapist, Gilbert began to loosen "the tight grip" on her emotions, dedicating herself to relationships and her work. It's impressive and inspirational to realize that this ultra-successful event planner (whose company grossed $30 million one year) began by making "cold calls" at a small company, "working non-stop" for $18,000 plus commission. She recounts some amusing stories about events, throughout the years, that nearly spiraled out of control. Her creative solutions to the problems that inevitably arose demonstrated a touch of genius.

The author also gives a logical narration of her years of dating and how she came to commit to her long-time friend, her "rock," Bennett, their subsequent "surprise wedding," difficulty getting pregnant (and IVF), and parenthood. I appreciated her overall honesty and snippets of humor, and I marveled at her courage, determination and personal growth.

Compelling subject matter and highly polished prose made this a "super fast read."

Jennifer Gilbert survived a HORRIBLE ordeal- she was almost stabbed to death by a crazed man who followed her into an apartment building and stabbed her repeatedly with a screwdriver. Despite the incredible pain and suffering she went through as a result of that random attack, Gilbert still managed to launch an amazing career as an executive and high-end party planner- she managed by keeping her suffering deeply to herself, hiding both her physical and emotional scars to everyone around her, including close friends and family. Her story is to be commended.

My main issue with this book is the way it sort of goes back-and-forth. There are these incredibly moving and honest accounts of Gilbert's intense suffering, as well as the struggle that came with making a psychological recovery. And then, a few pages later, she's talking about nightclubs in Europe and the sparkly slinky dresses she and her friends wore to impress the bouncers. In the next chapter, Gilbert goes into vivid detail about her desperate efforts to hide the scars on her legs and lower torso by never taking off her shorts during her stays at her luxurious summers in the Hamptons, but she makes absolutely sure to mention that all she wears on top is a bikini. It just doesn't connect for me.

There's so much amazing writing that is negated by small details that are thrown in to make sure we understand how connected Gilbert is. Lots of name dropping, traveling, status-stuff. I tried to overlook it, but every time she'd suck me in and make a really profound point about her recovery or an astute observation about life, she'd follow it up with something quite shallow.

I have to be honest, that weird sort of "up and down" made me wonder what Gilbert's story really is. It's not that I doubt Gilbert, it's just that I think she's still doing a fair amount of "covering up" to protect the injured parts of herself that she still hasn't resolved. I wish she knew she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone- she's clearly a survivor and should stand firm in the fact that she got through this ordeal and managed to make a beautiful life despite a crazed man's effort to end it.

This is a well written book, and it's an inspiring story of survival. But it's also a reminder of Gilbert's social status. Unfortunately, those constant reminders put a sour taste on an otherwise bittersweet story of an incredibly resilient woman.