Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids [Paperback]

 

 

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Consider the following questions:

(1) Have childless women missed out on one of the greatest experiences a women can have?
(2) Are mothers happier than childless women?
(3) Are mothers more fulfilled than childless women?
(4) Does being a mother make a women more "complete?"
(5) What are childless woman REALLY up to?
(6) What do childless women do with all the time they have not raising children?
(7) Are childless couples really DINKS (double income, no kids)?

These are just some of the questions answered in this enlightening, provocative, and sometimes humorous book, an anthology of brief essays (the last essay is actually a poem). The editor of this surprisingly frank book explains:

"[These] personal essays written by Canadian and American women...range in age from their early 30s to [their] mid-70s. Not all of the 21 contributors are professional writers--some are teachers, researchers, Aboriginal-rights activists, and world travelers--although almost all of them rely upon language and the written word in their work...This collection of personal essays examines the child-bearing choice intelligently and honestly, from [the] individual contributors' points of view; the essayists are your neighbors, your sisters, your colleagues, and your friends."

The women who contributed to this book can generally be put into three groups:

(1) those that are child-free intentionally
(2) those that are child-free by circumstances
(3) those that are child-free due to some twist of fate

Did I read some essays where there was some regret expressed about not having children? Yes. It seemed to me that this regret was more of a "comparison regret" or a "conformity regret" where the childless woman compared herself to usually her siblings and friends who were having children. This regret didn't seem to last long. I did notice that all contributors did have one thing in common: an overwhelming contentment with their lives.

Each essay ends with a brief description of a particular essayist's life. Here is an example:

"Lorna Crozier has taught at the University of Victoria [in British Columbia, Canada] since 1991. She has published 12 books of poetry...Her books have received [many awards]. She has also published non-fiction in various anthologies and has edited several collections of essays. Her poems have been translated into several languages and she has read her work from one end of the world to another. Her love for animals, especially cats, is boundless."

Finally, my only minor quibble with the book is with the above brief descriptions. I think they would have been more effective at the beginning of each essay so the reader could become acquainted with the female writer from the onset. (When I came to a particular essay, I flipped to its end to read about its writer then I read the essay proper.)

In conclusion, it's about time we had a book like this that deals directly with a controversial issue. Many of the contributors to this book have written books. Thus, I'd like to leave you with this quotation by Virginia Woolf:

"The world might perhaps be considerably poorer if the great writers has exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood."

As well, here is an interesting quotation from comedian Rita Rudner:

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our rugs or ruin our lives."

(first published 2006; forward; introduction; 21 essays; main narrative 225 pages; acknowledgements)

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This is a great book! It really touches on all of the questions and comments that child-less woman get on a daily basis. It is humourous at times, and very realistic. Highly recommend it for any woman who does not have children.

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