NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children [Paperback]

First, let me start off by qualifying that title. This book will almost certainly change the way you think about parenting. But it won't completely change everything, and you may find that you already know/agree with what's in the book. What the book does, is look at 10 aspects of child development: praise and self-esteem, sleep deprivation, racial stereotypes, lying, early markers of intelligence, sibling conflict, teen rebellion, self-control, aggression, and infant speech.

The authors then summarize the current research on each of these topics, and come up with answers that run counter to popular conventions. For example, scolding your child for lying can have the effect of promoting lying. Because it teaches the child that admitting to lying means they're going to get a scolding. Better for them to just keep quiet. Better yet for you to praise their honesty, so they're motivated to be honest rather than trying to motivate them to be afraid of lying. That's not revolutionary, but then again, neither are children. They are complicated though, and so is parenting. While they aren't as careful in the individual chapters, the authors do state in the introduction that children are not "one size fits all" in their development. That's important for parents to realize. Still, science can tell us what works for most kids most of the time.

So it's very nice to have a book that does a lot of the hard work for parents by speaking to a wide range of different experts, reading (sometimes dense) scientific journal articles, and coming up with an easy-to-read summary of the issue. As a professional and a parent, I found that I knew and agree with parts of the book, but there were other issues that were enlightening to me. Bronson and Merryman are careful not to preach to parents about what's right and wrong. Rather, they present the evidence, which speaks pretty clearly for itself. This kind of advice- impartial, evidence-based, and pragmatic, makes the book a very worthwhile read for parents of children of all ages. The advice, as you can tell from the topics, ranges from infants to teens. The book in general is clearly written and engaging, but there are still lots of good references at the end of the book should you be interested in digging deeper on your own for any of the topics. My only complaint would be that there weren't more topics covered, but that would both go against making the book easily digestible and be a never-ending task. As it stands, Nutureshock will almost certainly make you think about how you parent and/or the reasons why certain parenting actions make the difference that they do.

Most parents raise their children 'by the book,' but a new body of research would suggest that society's strategies for raising kids are indeed backfiring.

Why is it that children are sleeping in class?
How can praising children have an adverse effect?
Why do children lie?
Why do siblings fight?
Can self-control be taught?

These and a multitude of other questions are being addressed in NurtureShock.

The style of writing for this book is easy to follow and relies heavily on recent research to support the authors' argument. It is straight forward and not a 'dry read'; you don't have to look up anything on Google or on Wikipedia. The concepts and findings are easy to understand and the authors build up what is necessary in order to make their point.

The authors aren't telling the readers what is the right way to nurture children as that would be an insult to many parents, but rather what the research is telling us about the effects of the different ways parents and teachers are contributing to the children's growth. The book is more about the general findings and how this may be applied to most children.

This book is far from boring. To many parents, many ideas will challenge you and baffle you. I wouldn't say this book will ultimately change the way kids are being raised as old habits die hard, but you will experience a nurture shock.

I love books that reference solid research to back up claims. This book does that in a very easy to read and understand way. Great for both parents and teachers.