- Paperback: 280 pages
- Publisher: Seal Press (Sep 6 2011)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1580053327
- ISBN-13: 978-1580053327
- Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 14 x 1.8 cm
- Shipping Weight: 272 g
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Amazon Bestsellers Rank:
#99,039 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #45 in Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Dating
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Product Details |
Product Description
Product Description
This title offers an intelligent analysis of how and why young people today are rejecting traditional dating and mating pressures - and why they're better off for doing so. Romance and love are in a state of crisis: Statistically speaking, young women today are living romantic lives of all kinds - but they're still feeling bogged down by social, cultural, economic, and familial pressures to love in a certain way. Young women in the modern world have greater flexibility than ever when it comes to who we choose to love and how we choose to love them; but while social circumstances may have changed since our parents' generation, certain life expectations remain. In "Outdated", Samhita Mukhopadhyay addresses the difficulty of negotiating loving relationships within the borderlands of race, culture, class, and sexuality - and of holding true to our convictions and maintaining our independence while we do it. "Outdated" analyzes how different forms of media, cultural norms, family pressure, and even laws, are produced to scare women into believing that if they don't devote themselves to finding a man, they'll be doomed to a life of loneliness and shame. Using interviews with young women that are living around, between, within, and outside of the romantic industrial complex, Mukhopadhyay weaves a narrative of the alternative ways that women today have elected to live their lives, and in doing so offers a fresh, feminist look at an old topic: How do diverse, independent young women date happily and successfully-and outside of the box?
About the Author
Samhita Mukhopadhyay is a writer and activist, and is currently the Executive Editor of Feministing.com. She is also web manager at the Center for Media Justice, an Oakland-based organization that provides media strategy and action for justice-based grassroots organizing groups. Mukhopadhyay focuses most of her writing on popular culture, race, gender, the prison industrial complex, and the romantic industrial complex. She lives in Brooklyn, New York.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
4.2 out of 5 stars (11 customer reviews)
22 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Thought provoking and relevant!, Sep 24 2011
By Nicole S - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life (Paperback)
I received my copy a couple days ago and read through it in no time. It is an engaging and approachable read! This book provides a thought-provoking analysis of why the world is such a complicated place to be dating while feminist! Samhita explores many of the ways in which society pressures and influences our ideas around romance, articulates the problems with so many dating books, and articulates connections between romance and oppression. She slays myths about feminism, love, and sex, and validates many ways of approaching love.At the same time, Samhita manages to balance this with an approachable and candid style that I felt I could relate to well. This is not a simple-to-follow dating self-help book with a formula or a specific end-goal. Rather, it is a look at the way oppression, particularly sexism and heteronomativism shape today's dating landscape that feels conversational and realistic. The book does not end with advice, or a path to follow. Rather, it is a critical look at our world that can inform many different, equally valid, decisions about what is right for each person.
While I found it extremely useful and relatable as a fellow single and dating feminist, I think many young feminists in relationships may also find it worthwhile. Outdated's analysis focuses not only on barriers for single feminists but on the role of oppression within personal relationships and how we can work to have meaningful relationships and communities on our terms. I will definitely be recommending this book to MANY many others! Thank you so much for the wonderful book!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Welcome to Feminism, May 19 2012
By nkl1 - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life (Paperback)
I didn't identify with feminism - I think I perhaps rejected it; due to lack of understanding. I know I'm not the only one who has ever been a bit uncomfortable by the mention of that word.It really wasn't even on my list of things to know more about until my last few years of trying to make sense of the pieces of living in our culture that didn't feel good (Love relationships, consumerism, political agendas, rampant dysfuction in our society-how it all the dots connect) brought me to a situation in which I was introduced to the author of this book. She handed me her business card. I looked at it and asked `What is feminism?' I don't remember her answer (the discomfort of the 'F-bomb' made me tune out), but the experience stuck with me and reading her book was at the top of my list.
I got my hands on the book and it's thourough examination of our world sparked some revealing conversations for me. As I was discussing it with some people, I could concede to an understanding of what she was saying about love, dating, equality, political systems, marketing machines, really dated ways of living and how it adds to the confusing messages we hear. She clearly spelled out what I had been trying to untangle in my mind with very little support. It helped me reach clarity about my own experience and empowerment in the choices I was making that didn't necessarily fit in with the rest of the world.
One of the most empowering statements in this book, for me, was : "If you stop worrying about finding The One, you can just enjoy meeting new people and all of the possible adventures that come with that." - It was so nice to see someone else be on board with this; I think I want her to be my new best friend! But me? A feminist? No.
It took some surrender, but I finally understood, thanks to this book, that feminism is simply removing the molds that we're expected to fit into, fairness, equality-not only for women, for us all. Who can't get behind that? Maybe the F-bomb makes you a bit uncomfortable. Tuck that word aside for awhile, get the book, get a few friends to get the book. Read it together. Talk about it together. Maybe one of you will do what I did, throw your hands in the air and declare:
`I'm a feminist.'
9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fresh and honest reflections for just about anyone, Oct 14 2011
By M. Kranz "puck" - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life (Paperback)
This book is a really interesting meld of analysis and personal reflection that can probably be a great meditation for just about anyone on the nature of relationships.The author's starting point is very personal, which one of the other reviewers, for some reason, takes as a weakness. For me, however, this is really helpful and honest. By laying out her perspective and making it clear that relationships are not one-size-fits-all, she really leaves a lot up to the reader in terms of where to go with the information and ideas presented in the book. Further, between the references and endnotes, there are a great many directions to go in terms of further reading. At first, it struck me as a little too academic how many citations there were, but, as I moved forward, I realized it was a way to give the reader the freedom to explore all the sources of the author's analysis and draw her or his own conclusions.
And that's one thing that really impressed me about the book, and sets it apart from other dating books: there's no "answer," strictly speaking. There is a lot of really solid criticism of the sorts of patters we're all trained to follow and how these can stand in the way of authentic relationships, but the reader's intelligence is respected enough to not offer a simple, pat alternative.
On top of it all, I couldn't help but bust out laughing in just about every chapter or subsection. The sarcasm and comedy flowing through what is a really heartfelt and smart book makes some of the hard truths in it (like that there's no easy solution) a little easier to stomach. Even the section titles are great (like "Hopeless Romantic or Glutton for Punishment," which is one of my favorites). That said, I think one of the other reviewers probably took a lot of the humor too seriously, though it's hard to tell since of lot of that reviewer's sentences are hard to decipher.
Finally, as someone who, like most people, hasn't lived a fairy tale, this book actually made me feel a bit hopeful and less alone in my struggle to find and build lasting and loving relationships. Between the humor and insight, there's a lot to gather and I left it feeling refreshed and excited to continue building meaningful relationships with friends and lovers.
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