Overcoming Life's Disappointments [Paperback]

One of the hardest things for anyone to learn, no matter where you are in life, or how much money you have, is coping with times when things don't turn out as you expect. Some people never recover, while others seem to sail past a disaster with hardly a break in stride. The trick isn't in what the disaster is, but how they've handled it.

Longtime author Harold S. Kushner, best known for his When Bad Things Happen to Good People, takes an intriguing look on the ability to cope by using the figure of Moses from the Bible. Yes, that Moses. Out of all of the various people in the Torah, he is undoubtably the most complex. Most of us tend to visualize him as a certain actor from Hollywood, brawny, noble and imposing, able to smite down miscreants when a single blow, but for those who have studied Moses in the Bible find someone a bit more closer to earth.

And if anyone had to deal with disappointment, it's certainly Moses. Called upon to lead the captive Jews out of Egypt, and facing down the most powerful ruler on Earth, it seems that once he's got them out in the wilderness at Sinai, things ought to be improving. Instead, what is happening when he returns with the first set of tablets? Why, they're worshipping an idol in the shape of a golden calf. And it doesn't even stop there -- throughout the forty years of exile, the people complain of thirst, hunger, and on and on and on -- enough to make anyone throw up their hands in disgust and walk away. And perhaps most bitter of all, Moses is denied entry into the Promised Land, and only allowed a glimpse of the goal that he's worked so hard for as he is dying. You have to admit, that's quite a disappointment.

But not once during all of these setbacks, does Moses tell God that he gives up. he might protest that he might not be able to handle the burden, but he does try to complete it. And it's this message that Rabbi Kushner uses to best effect in this book, giving a positive use for the times when disappointment enters our lives, and not to give up. In a society where it seems that perfection is demanded, and failure is viewed as a moral failing rather than something that occurs in every person's life, getting the view across that disappointment is a means of building character rather than a sign that you're not going to amount to much.

It's not a very long book, easily read within a few hours time, but the contents are informative and meaningful. Rabbi Kushner's writing style is very fluid and readable, keeping technical jargon, and while he does go off on tangents regularly, he never forgets what he is talking about. The only problem that I did have was that the tangents occured quite a bit, and were occansionally annoying.

Still, despite the flaws, it's a good book, and earned the four stars that I gave it overall. More importantly, it gives a positive human message that is reassuring and needed in our rather complicated, perfectionist society, and one that is sorely needed.

Serendiptitously I came across this book at a key juncture of my fast approaching mid-life; a time when I felt that I had finally righted the wrongs of my past, made ammends with my soul for opportunities lost, and a new script was about to take on flesh. In short, I was sure that I had successfully authored my own comeback, resurrection, starting-over-point.

However events would soon interfere and these best crafted, thought out plans were not to be so, nor, does it seem, will they ever be. I found myself instant robbed of meaning at age 46--in short, on the world's stage with no script and, hence, no part.

Rabbi Kushner's work is a deeply moving and profound look at the ultimate "what if..." question that haunts humankind; "What if things don't turn out for good?" His book is spiritual without being mystical; practical without being profane; humane without being overly humanist.

After reading and praying over this book, I've come to the realization that life is precious; that it is something more than to be mastered or even tolerated. Life itself is a sacred mystery, and whether we win or suffer defeat, gain or lose, achieve or fail, truly, that which does not destroy us makes us stronger. This, according to the good and blessed Rabbi, is our goal.

Rabbi Kushner's new book, "Overcoming Life's Disappointments" is a good friend to have if you've got some adversity in your life. He takes Moses, who spent 40 years wandering in the desert with his people and then was forbidden to enter the promised land with them, as his model on how a good person copes with trials. His advice is that life continues to have good things in store for us even after our dreams are shattered, if we don't let ourselves become hardened and embittered but keep our minds and hearts open. This sounds obvious enough, but it's easier said than done. Rabbi Kushner provides many stories from his long career to explain how we can cope. As a self-confessed admirer of Sigmund Freud, he's not big on the mystical or intuitive aspects of religion. He's more of a "duty is its own reward" kind of guy. But he is a preacher of what C.S. Lewis called "the Tao": the basic "way" that most religions have in common. If you are looking for essential answers, Rabbi Kushner is a good place to start.