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Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years--Raising Children Who are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful Paperback – Mar 27 2007

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Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years--Raising Children Who are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful + Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems + Positive Discipline
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; 1 edition (March 27 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307341607
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307341600
  • Product Dimensions: 18.7 x 1.9 x 23.2 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 454 g
  • Average Customer Review: 2.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #81,709 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description


“The Positive Discipline series has empowered me and my husband to be the kind of parents we want to be day-in and day-out in the face of any and all circumstances. What really struck a chord . . . is that the concepts are simply and clearly presented chapter by chapter in easy-to-read language regarding real-life everyday scenarios. Thank you very much for the contribution you have made to my family’s lives.”—Mary S. McMahon“Thank you so much; the material you provide is so valuable. I have seen such marvelous results with my son in the past few months. For me, one of my biggest priorities is to help him develop into who he is as a person, and not smother his identity or confidence. Your methods have been such a valuable tool in enabling me to accomplish this.” —Maureen Pramanik“When I first became a parent, about six and a half years ago, I fell upon your books and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I have given many of your books as gifts to my friends and family because they teach kids to think for themselves, be responsible, resilient, capable, considerate, etc. Your books have really helped me learn the skills I want to become a better parent.” —Teresa Bouchard

About the Author

Jane Nelson, Ed.D., is a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist, and an internationally known speaker. Cheryl Erwin, M.A., a licensed marriage and family therapist, is the author or coauthor of nine books on parenting as well as a popular speaker, trainer, and parenting radio personality. Roslyn Ann Duffy founded and codirected the Learning Tree Montessori Childcare and has written adult and children’s texts, as well as the internationally circulated column “From a Parent’s Perspective.

Inside This Book

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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index
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Customer Reviews

2.3 out of 5 stars
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Most helpful customer reviews

Format: Paperback
This book is a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo. It is paradoxically complicated and yet simplistic at the same time, in that it delves so deeply into a child's cognitive and emotional development that it leaves the reader with the impression that parents need a psychology degree to truly understand the depths of a child's psyche, and yet will offer ridiculously simple practical tips, such as warning your child that they have one more swing before it's time to go, or that they have to clean up the milk that they spilled, etc. What parent doesn't already do these things? The problem is when the child has had her "one last swing" and yet still refuses to go or refuses to clean up the spilt milk. Or when they won't stop hitting their sibling, even though you've told them to. THAT is when discipline comes in. Nelson presents a false dichotomous view of parenting approaches, that you either punish for everything or reason and communicate your way through everything. A good parent, in my opinion uses both approaches. Each one has their place and time. Certainly I communicate with my child, use humour to diffuse whining at times, try to teach her how to channel her rage into something more civil than a tantrum etc. and sometimes simply getting the child to fix/pick up/have a redo/whatever is sufficient rather than resorting directly to a punishment. But there are times when enough is enough, or when you have tried all of the above methods and they don't work or the behaviour is sufficiently bad that it needs to stop immediately and punishment is required to prevent further reoccurences. When a child is screaming at and hitting his mother in public, saying "Please stop that sweetie, it's not nice" will do squat. I have never seen or experienced that method to work.Read more ›
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By Nikoleta on March 3 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
My expectations were to receive a guide into my kids behavior for their age and how they perceive the world around and this book is more of an Q&A on what to do in certain situations. One thing interesting from it is the translations between actions and emotions and how those apply to the kids. Again they are listed in a table in the book and a bit hard to use when you're at the door in the morning and your preschooler is fighting against the snow pants and can't really stop and check the appropriate response.
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By Maggie 333 on May 14 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
There's not a lot of earth shattering information in this book. I've owned it for a year now, and looked at it once.
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By matt Cronmiller on Sept. 11 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I love this book, highly recommended
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 63 reviews
99 of 101 people found the following review helpful
Best Preschool Parenting/Child Discipline Book I've Found April 13 2009
By J. Meegan - Published on
Format: Paperback
When my first daughter was born in May of 2006, my husband and I agreed we wanted to find a discipline method that fit our style, actually worked, and was easy to understand and put in place. Enter Positive Discipline.

Positive Discipline for Preschoolers was the first PD book I read. I'd just finished reading about the 1-2-3 method and had been giving that a go for a few weeks with no real success and, frankly, a whole lot of mixed feelings about the process. So when I read the back of the PD for Preschoolers book, I was excited and yet a bit sounded too good to be true and therefore it probably was. But I bought it anyway. That was several months ago and we haven't looked back since.

I LOVE the positive discipline method. I am living and breathing proof that it does work. The day after I finished reading the book, we completely stopped all punitive time outs and any other punitive measures we'd been (unsuccessfully) using on our almost three-year old daughter. And we began applying the PD techniques found in the book. Honestly, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of our family and we actually began to enjoy spending time with our daughter again. My daughter's behaviour literally improved overnight. And my husband and I felt we'd finally found a disciplinary method we could happily stick with for the foreseeable future.

Some folks have mentioned this book doesn't provide enough explanation about exactly what to do in various situations. I didn't have that problem but if you do, I highly recommend picking up the PD from A to Z book (which delves into specific solutions to specific discipline problems) and the original Positive Discipline book to get an even deeper understanding of what positive discipline is really all about.

For those of you who are still in doubt, a quick anecdote: My husband is Irish. We went to visit the in-laws in February of this year. We spent a lot of time with my husband's four brothers and their respective families. Almost all my daughters' cousins are within the 0-6 age bracket so we had a chance to see a variety of discipline issues and parenting styles. I had a lot of questions from the various in-laws about the discipline method we used with Maia. It apparently made a positive impression because the day after we returned home, I went online to discover three emails from two brother-in-laws and my mother-in-law asking for more info about PD, how it worked, where they could buy the books, etc.

Bottom line, PD works. It'll make you feel better and more competent in your role as a parent and it'll go a long way towards ensuring you have a positive, stable relationship with your child.
59 of 62 people found the following review helpful
Too few meaningful examples, Attempts to cover too many topics June 12 2012
By Johnnyloops - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
The discipline techniques presented in this book are helpful, however, in this very large book, I was disappointed to find few meaningful examples. Each "issue" generally only had one example. And for the scenarios that are presented, I wish they were further developed and related to the extensive introductory material in the book. Instead, I'd estimate that 75%of this book is dedicated to topics such as birth order, uniqueness of family structure, different qualities of a child's temperment/ personality, etc. There are chapters on the ill effects of technology, ill effects of sugar in a child's diet, etc. I suppose that's all good and relevant information, but not really why I bought the book. Topics that I was interested in, however, such as a child acting out when a new baby is brought home, focused more on the parents perspective. Instead of giving a thorough treatment of specific examples with how to deal with the behavior, I was told to make time for myself. Again, I suppose that's a good idea, but doesn't directly help me solve the problem at hand. The same for potty training, which the authors choose to take on. The book recommends that a parent be patient and handle accidents with kindness, which is all great, but fails to provide meaningful, specific guidance.

A note to Kindle users -- Buy the print edition. The conversion from print to e-book was not done particularly well. There are many places were the outline gets lost as this textbook-like book is read in a novel format. For example, there are summary lists in bulleted format that end up randomly placed in the text. This results in a very distracting reading experience. I imagine the conversion used an automated process without a human to check the result. Additionally, there are several key tables that are TINY on the kindle screen. Very difficult to read.
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
a paradigm of positive and healthy parenting Sept. 19 2013
By penlight - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I own pretty much all the positive discipline books from Jane Nelsen, but have read many other philosophies. She has a very solid head on her shoulders and gives well grounded and healthy advice. It feels much more natural and sensible than love and logic (which I believe is more geared towards older kids 8-16yo).

This philosophy has simple rules but they take a lot of practice and conscious effort to implement. Instead of saying "no" all the time, try to tell them what they should be doing. Using positive timeouts where you and your child take a timeout together in a peaceful and different area to reflect together on right and wrong and reaffirm love for each other. Encourage independence, encourage problem solving, encourage resolution of conflicts. Embrace emotions both good and bad and identify them verbally so they can learn emotional intelligence early, thus allowing negative emotions to be understood, expressed, and managed in healthy ways instead of with more crude ways like bottling them up or releasing them violently. Listening to your kids and respecting them so they listen to you. Modeling behavior instead of dictating it.

All this is positive. All this is healthy. Successful implementation is a total pain the butt I must admit. It is a lot slower than negative reinforcement strategies. If you beat your kid and make them feel real pain or real fear. They will never forget and learn immediately. But they also no longer think for themselves. It becomes not about doing what is right, but more just avoiding pain and fearful things. If no one is watching will they still do what is right? Positive reinforcement strategies aren't successful immediately and sometimes you have to repeat it multiple times with many failures until they finally get it. But when they get it, they learn it for life and embrace the lesson as their own.

I find Jane a bit idealistic at times saying reward systems may result in behavior change not for the right reasons long term. Limits need to be set and punishments need to be considered. I try my best to avoid vengeful punishments like going back on my promise or withholding fun and meaningful activities. I prefer toy timeouts for a brief period, I also prefer delays in fun/meaningful activities. Yet threatening a punishment always turns my stomach as I feel kids don't learn why something is right, they just learn doing right will avoid something bad. I prefer to refer to role models like their favorite characters, myself, teachers, other good examples and ask how they would handle a similar situation.

In the end I don't think anyone can truly mimic entirely Jane's dream of positive discipline but each of us can try our best to approximate it. This kind of philosophy focuses on long term gains instead of short term gains. It may not always work in the short term, but be patient and realize it makes for a much healthier kid long term. I cannot recommend enough that all parents and soon-to-be parents should read this book (especially the first few chapters which explains the basics of positive discipline).

Also note that is in my mind the best website for child development and guidance. They deliver advice in short tidbits weekly and always seem very spot on with problems and issues you may be facing at the age of your child. It also is very clear to me they embrace almost entirely Jane's positive discipline view and use it in solving the many problems you face with your kids.

Read this. It is worth your time.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
best parent guide Sept. 22 2013
By greenmom - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I bought this version after reading the general Positive Discipline, which changed the way I was thinking about discipline in many ways. This book has the same principles and many of the same techniques but is more focused on the tools useful for younger kids. I've read quite a few parenting books since my first child was born almost four years ago, including "happiest toddler on the block" and "123 Magic." I found those books had some useful tools, but I was still left feeling that I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing in many situations. Positive Discipline is very soundly founded in child psychology and child development theory and gives you simple techniques for decoding the reasons behind your child's misbehavior, so you can choose the right way to react. I won't claim that dealing with a 3.5 yr old who has a new baby brother and a new pre-school room is easy, but with this book we have been able to stop power struggles by changing our own behavior. And we've helped our son figure out ways to handle his anger and quickly end temper tantrums most of the time. It has made a big difference in our stress levels, in part because I feel much more confident that we are handling problems in ways that are helping him develop and learn rather than causing resentment, or insecurity, or other negative reactions that can make things worse.
21 of 26 people found the following review helpful
Useful read for preschoolers Feb. 20 2009
By Preschool Mom - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Very useful guide for preschooler Moms (&Dads). After reading this, I was able to really 'put myself in my daughter's shoes'. We had just had a parent/teacher conference, and my daughter was described as needing 'instant gratification' frequently from her teacher, as well as needing help with learning self-control and focus. The guidelines presented in this book in chart form, allowed me to look at what thoughts were prompting these actions. I now learn to engage her as my helper, so that she feels she is contributing to whatever we are doing.