The Possibility of Everything [Hardcover]

Hope Edelman's new memoir reminded me a lot of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia in ways good and bad. I liked "The Possibility of Everything" more than "Eat, Pray, Love" and I predict Edelman's book will strike people in many different ways depending on their personal point of view and expectations as readers.

Here's the good news: Edelman writes beautifully. At times I wanted to weep both from Edelman's prose and the anguish she felt as she and her husband struggled to deal with their intense three-year-old daughter, in the midst of their intense lives. Reading as a mother, the feeling of fear and panic that 'there is something wrong with my child and I don't know what' resonated with me on an elemental level.

Edelman's honesty also shines through--she is not afraid to lay bare her own inadequacies, or fears about life, parenting, and her marriage.

However, I am just not sure that there is enough to this story to merit a 320+ page memoir. Hope's daughter Maya was having trouble and acting out, manifested by her obnoxious imaginary friend "Bad Dodo;" the family went to Belize for about a week, received two sessions of shamanic healing; Hope had some profound insights and her daughter got a lot better. Around chapter 11 out of 13, I was wondering if it the detailed story would all pay off. I really liked the book's conclusion, but the hour-by-hour coverage of the trip was too much buildup for me.

Part of the trouble was that the character of Hope was really irritating as she interacted with Maya. It seemed like the little girl was looking for some leadership in her family that her anxious, overly attached mother and workaholic father were unwilling to provide. I can't recall either parent ever really setting a limit for Maya. Hope was too busy being angry on her daughter's behalf for any perceived slight (like when people were put off by Maya's tantrums). Everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around Maya, hoping to avoid setting her off. This was epitomized by the family's visit to the ancient ruins in Guatemala, when little Maya got ticked off that everyone kept saying "her name" all day long. The tour guide ended up working around it, trying to avoid saying MAYA in the MAYA city, which seemed absolutely ridiculous.

Edelman does achieve valuable insight into these issues, and healing in the end, but along the way I often felt like I was trapped in someone else's uncomfortable family vacation.

Although this book is well written, as a mother of teenagers, I kept going back and thinking I missed something. I couldn't for the life of me understand why the mom was so freaked out by the imaginary friend. The whole premise of the book seemed ridiculous to me. I felt sad that such a normal part of childhood had to be twisted into something pathological even after assurances from the teacher and doctor. It seems like such a shame that the author was so disconnected from her child and not enjoying those young precious years. The idea that a trip to Belize was in order seems like the epitome of over kill. These folks did need some time off but sitting around reading, playing and slowing down to listen to their child would have been a whole lot cheaper and just as effective. Alternative healing is wonderful from whatever culture you choose, I just didn't see what they were trying to "cure". There is no shortcuts to just plain conscious parenting, children will act out when their needs are not met and it can be terribly inconvenient but easier to meet them when they are 3 then have them go unmet and have a really angry and troubled 18 year old. It worries me that so many people connected with the author and her anxieties, it seems to me a symptom of a really disconnected, overworked, media saturated, fear based society. I'm glad the author could some how find her way to faith but clearly most of society is not in a position to take such a radical departure from their regular lives. We need more stories from all the mothers who every day are balancing parenting, trusting their instincts, and making difficult choices to put careers on hold all without any family support or hired help!

Hope Edelman admittedly lives in high anxiety encompassing all areas of her life, including her marriage, all other relationships and her child rearing practices. When imaginary friend Dodo arrives in the life of her precocious three year old daughter, Maya, and seems connected with increased bad behavior and tantrums ("meltdowns"), Edelman's anxiety goes into high gear as she decides that Dodo may signal the onset of mental or emotional problems for Maya. Assurances from friends, relatives and health professionals about the normalcy and harmlessness of imaginary friends at Maya's age have no calming effect. Edelman quickly finds herself applying a folk remedy suggested by Maya's nanny, who thinks Dodo is an evil spirit.

Stressed out, Edelman agrees to vacation in Belize and acquiesces in her husband's idea of taking Maya to a shaman/healer there. Her husband already believes that the universe holds more than we can know or explain, but Edelman is a self-proclaimed believer only in what can be proved to the senses. The trip starts poorly because Maya is physically ill, and the incompetent airline so botches things that Maya gets very little sleep for two days, thus insuring irritability and bad behavior. The rest of the trip is somewhat better, although it is chronicled in unnecessary length and detail.

Two trips to shamen occur. The first goes badly, but Edelman seems to blame herself for this. Edelman is impressed with the second shaman, Dr. Rosita Arvigo, who was born and raised in the US. She combines herbal expertise with traditional spiritual approaches (prayer and simple ritual when applying the remedy). After treatment, Maya's behavior improves markedly and she banishes Dodo herself without much ado. Dodo's whole career from arrival to demise is about three months; and Maya herself both creates and destroys him, strongly suggesting that she had full control of Dodo throughout, used him as needed and obliterated him when he became counterproductive. Harmless as advertised.

This book is overlong and rambling. It contains a good bit of potted history on the ancient Mayans, some of it practically transcribed from a guide's talk while touring Tikal, the chief Mayan site. The author includes much tedious and repetitive detail on other aspects of the trip as well (such as the disastrous plane trip to Belize). Inside this overweight and ponderous book may be a good thin book trying to get out, but the author prevented its escape.

How well readers like this book I think will depend on two things: The reader's attitude toward magical thinking and the degree of sympathy one has for Edelman's endless self-involvement and quick self-pity. I am not much on magical thinking although the placebo effect in medicine is proof enough that it can occasionally be effective. As for Edelman, this is her book in every sense. She not only wrote it; she is its main and only star, assisted by a few bit players. Husband Uzi, for example, is portrayed with no more depth than is the resort owner in Belize. Her view and opinions, and above all her endless anxiety, dominate.

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