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Product Description
Product Description
Do you really need to buy this book? You gotta ask yourself one question: Are you going to be ready when the sh*t goes down? Here is a quick checklist:
1. Have you dug up your wife's rose garden and built a fallout shelter, equipped with a prison where you can lock up annoying family members?
2. Have you mapped out an escape route to your safe zone?
3. Is there a vehicle of death sitting in your garage?
4. Have you filled your go bag with all the needed instruments, including waterproof matches, postapocalyptic goggles, and at least one sexual party favor?
5. Have you learned how to milk various types of animals, including a giraffe?
As you can see, you need this book more than you even know. Without it, you're roadkill. Lucky for you, Forrest Griffin is the perfect apocalyptic chaperon. When he was in the womb, his mother had visions that the world would soon crumble, and Forrest would be the messiah of all mankind. He learned of these "visions" at the age of ten, and although they led him to believe that his mom had just been watching Mad Max and eating bad Mexican food, nevertheless he began his postapocalyptic training—a part of which involved his becoming a proud member of the Webelos, which is just one step below Boy Scout. And you know what the Boy Scout motto is. (Well, I hope you do, because Forrest doesn't have a clue). Another part involved hoarding ketchup packets, which he sucked down in the darkness of his room while listening to Nine Inch Nails. Hey, don't judge . . . hoarders are survivors. Just look at squirrels, they have been around longer than sharks.
If you want to survive the end of the world, and then avoid ending up in a government holding pen suffering from a bunch of diseases and listening to crying babies, you've got some skills to master. But don't worry—Forrest has you covered. From spotting the signs of the global downfall, to alienating your loved ones now so they don't come looking for you after, to hot-wiring a car to starting a religion in your own image, he provides you with all the hot knowledge you need to survive the downfall of civilization. Simply put, this is the most important book about the apocalypse that you will ever read by a UFC fighter from Georgia.
About the Author
Forrest Griffin is one of the top-ranked light-heavyweight mixed martial artists in the world. He won the first season of The Ultimate Fighter in 2005 and has been one of the most beloved UFC fighters ever since. He is the Day man, fighter of the Night man, and champion of the sun. He is also a master of karate and friendship for everyone. But calm down, ladies, Forrest and his main squeeze, Jaime, live in Las Vegas.
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Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
A hilarious blend of survivalist advice and masculine anxiety,
This review is from: Be Ready When The Sh T Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse (Hardcover)
Forrest Griffin is funny - really, uproariously funny, among his other traits that have endeared him to MMA fans. _Be Ready_ is the perfect book for someone like Griffin to write, taking hyperbole just to the very edge of the absurd while still - mystery of mysteries - managing to instruct. What he advises may not be unique (well, the detailed instructions for improvising a sexual aid may be an exception there); how he commits it to paper is definitely unique. His writing style is conversational - perhaps as conversational as, say, the Ultimate Warrior can be - but his humor is both self-effacing and wholly en pointe. This may be the men's answer to _The Feminine Mystique._
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) Amazon.com:
3.9 out of 5 stars (38 customer reviews) 20 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
MMA and Survival-ism mixed with male humor = Brilliant gifting!,
By B. Risenburg "abbabeffy" - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Be Ready When The Sh T Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse (Hardcover)
I bought this book on a whim as a Christmas gift for my Husband.It never made it to wrapping. I cracked it to read a page, and I got hooked in by a quiz about "when you eat your friend". I smiled openly (and I am female) and proceeded to read out loud the inlet of the cover. My husband loves survival-ism, it's a happy distraction for him since he is disabled. He has a packed/stocked "bug out bag" in our house for the both of us, and our dogs. Also, as a former fighter/Master martial artist, he loves Forrest Griffin. I hear about him being from the same state as us... never ending MMA or UFC facts. I had no idea that this book existed, but Amazon led me to it. THANK YOU. Forrest Griffin made my husband smile... that alone is worth the 17 dollar price tag! 15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Yeah...I read it...irreverent and funny as hell!,
By Anna "Anna" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Be Ready When The Sh T Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse (Hardcover)
This is definitely a book for the 14+ - 40ish guy crowd or any woman that really likes UFC. I went to a book signing on Long Island where Forrest spoke and took questions for about 45 minutes. I have to say, he is a naturally funny guy - like stand up funny with a small crowd. He has a great sense of timing and humor...which probably means he's a heck of a lot smarter than anyone realizes...making him a dangerous man to tangle with...even before the 'stuff' goes down. This is NOT a book for anyone under 14 - language and situations are for adults only.I think he admitted that this book didn't take all that long to write, and it shows. But this isn't a book anyone is going to read for the literary value, unless they get to twenty by counting on their toes. It's a great read for anyone with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD or AD/HD or ADD); Forrest throws in little 'Forrest Factoids' and 'Fortune Cookie Wisdom' paragraphs whenever the mood strikes. These paragraphs kind of act like little mental speed bumps, and they either enhance the story or sending the reader into deep thought while contemplating all the wisdom. It doesn't take that long to read either - which for me, was a blessing. Probably the funniest thing about the book is that it actually has some good advice - like what vehicles are the best to commandeer (hint: avoid tractors), and the importance of weapons (for protecting your stuff). I could have done without the knowing that Forrest attempted to milk penguins when doing research for this book; sadly only a nuclear explosion (nearby) will erase that from my memory. I hope the penguin wasn't traumatized...or at least not as bad as Forrest when he saw a freshly killed deer stuffed into the trunk of a Lincoln Continental. The best thing you can do is buy the book here on Amazon. I paid full price, and man, am I stupid. 5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars
Funny read,
By J. Aguinaldo - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Be Ready When The Sh T Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse (Hardcover)
I'll admit, I wasn't really expecting much from this book as I had heard it wasn't an MMA book but I picked it up anyways. And, for the most part, it was a fun read with some laugh out loud moments. Granted, if you're looking for a serious literary piece of work, avoid this book but if you're looking for a have a good time in a neanderthal kind of way...this book is right up your alley. And...you may even learn something useful.
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