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Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood [School & Library Binding]

William S. Pollack , Mary Pipher
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (102 customer reviews)
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Book Description

January 1999 0613222482 978-0613222488
2 cassettes /  3 hours
Read by the author

Boys today are in crisis. On the surface, many boys may appear tough, confident, and cheerful, but underneath, many of them are sad, lonely, and confused.

As the bestselling Reviving Ophelia took us into the worlds of girls, this groundbreaking book reveals the worlds of boys to show how society's mixed messages to boys put more of them at risk today than ever before.

Boys' voices and experiences rise up from these pages as Dr. William Pollack of the Harvard Medical School draws on almost two decades of work with boys as well as on a recent study called "Listening to Boys' Voices" to present new findings about the true nature of boys and new insights into how to raise them to become happier, more confident, more successful men.

"I get a little down," says Adam,"but I hide it very well. I'd say I wear a mask of some sort. Even when kids call me names or try to taunt me,  I'd never show them how much it was crushing me inside. I'd keep it all in."

Pollack reveals how many boys today are like Adam, whose confident exterior hides painful feelings of loneliness and isolation.  Other boys are in trouble overtly--depressed, suicidal, doing less well at school than they could, having trouble with drugs or with friends.  Real Boys shows why, and what to do about it. Pollack describes how outdated gender stereotypes push boys to conform to society's inhibiting
Boy Code, even as boys are pressured to relate to girls in new ways. Boys conceal themselves behind a mask of independence, which not only prevents them from truly knowing themselves but makes it difficult for us to know them. Conventional expectations about masculinity still encourage people to treat boys like "little men," and to raise them through a toughening process. Illuminating the daily lives of boys of all ages, Real Boys lets us know what boys are really like, revealing new findings about the expressive nature of boys, how they are different from girls and how they are similar to them, and what they are thinking and feeling.

Pollack addresses a wide range of topics--boys and their mothers, fathers, friends; boys in school, sports, and adolescence; how boys can develop more self-confidence, and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues they may have to confront--such as depression, love and sexuality, drugs and alcohol, divorce, violence.

After you listen to this original and insightful book, you will see every boy you know in an entirely new way.

Based on new research into the inner worlds and daily lives of boys today,  Real Boys explores in depth the following:

¸  The loneliness of "normal" boys today--what we do to cause it, and what we can do to prevent it

¸  Low self-esteem--why more boys today are suffering from low self-esteem and what we can do about it

¸  The power of mothers and fathers--how to help boys become more confident, loving, and able to lead happier lives as men

¸   Adolescence as a "second chance"--how to use adolescence as a new  opportunity  to grow closer to a boy and to help him deal with  such topics as smoking, drinking, and sex

¸  Getting boys to talk--the timed-silence syndrome and how to encourage boys to talk and share their feelings

¸  Overcoming depression--the hidden crisis of boyhood depression: how to spot it, and what to do about it

¸  Violence, alcohol, drugs, and much, much more
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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From Amazon

Listening to the author William Pollack read Real Boys, it doesn't take long to find out that being a boy these days isn't all fun and games. As codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical Center, Pollack has seen behind the stoic masks of troubled, modern boys as they struggle to cope with the mixed messages, conflicting expectations, and increasingly complex demands they receive from our evolving society. "New research shows that boys are faring less well ... that many boys have remarkably fragile self-esteem, and that the rates of both depression and suicide in boys are frighteningly on the rise."

What are parents to do? They could start by listening to the author's thoughts on contemporary child-rearing techniques, analysis of the root causes of many male behavior problems, and recommendations for avoiding all-too-common pitfalls. In Real Boys, Pollack draws upon nearly two decades of research to support his theories and makes an impressive assault on the popular myths surrounding the conventional definition of masculinity.

While listening to Real Boys, it is important to remember that Pollack is a psychologist, not a professional narrator. His enunciation is less than perfect and his reading sometimes strikes a clinical tone, but his intelligent writing and the obvious concern he holds for this important subject help carry a passionate message and compensate for any vocal shortcomings. (Running time: three hours, two cassettes) --George Laney --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

In a lucidly written primer for parents, Harvard Medical School psychiatry professor Pollack dismantles what he terms "the Boy Code"?society's image of boys as tough, cool, rambunctious and obsessed with sports, cars and sex. These stereotypes, he argues, thwart creativity and originality in boys. Linking clinical insights to practical suggestions, Pollack advises caregivers how to help boys repair their fragile self-esteem, develop empathy and explore their sensitive sides. Drawing on his clinical experience as well as an ongoing Harvard research project, he offers advice on "attention deficit disorder"? which, he maintains, is often a misdiagnosis for normal high-energy behavior? recognizing signs of depression, discouraging violence and helping boys cope with their parents' divorce. In discussing homosexuality, he notes that many of the assumptions of the psychiatric profession have been shown to be incorrect, such as that homosexuality was abnormal, a psychological disorder. Pollack's glorification of sports as an arena for self-transformation and emotional openness is counterbalanced by his recognition that athletics often encourages brutal competitiveness. His proposal that schools adopt curricula "on traditionally 'male' and 'female' topics" to spark separately the interests of boys and girls seems at odds with his own imperative to break through gender stereotypes. On balance, though, his manual is enlightening and stimulating. Author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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First Sentence
Adam is a fourteen-year-old boy whose mother sought me out after workshop I was leading on the subject of boys and families. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Groundbreaking; Destined to be a Classic Aug 13 2002
Format:Paperback
This is a book about the pervase, institutionalized child abuse that turns innocent boys with open hearts into shut-down, terrorized creatures of constant shame. It explains beautifully how it is possible that sweet-hearted children, who happen to be male, can grow up into numb dehumanized men, out of touch with affection. It provides one very plausible explanation why so many of our young men are depressed, violent, or substance-addicted. Even if a boy is never raped, hit, or otherwise physically abused, it is possible for him to suffer corrosive abuse that threatens his mental health. Indeed, it is happening right now in millions of homes and schools in North America.

The abuse Pollack describes is something we are all tacitly agreeing to impose on our boys and men. It is something we can change, one boy at a time. But doing so requires a new critical view of mainstream norms of masculinity, and the development of awareness of extremely subtle symptoms of emotionally troubled boys. Pollack provides all of this and much more.

If you are raising or helping to raise boys, and if you have a clue what it means to have an open heart, and to embrace the full gamut of emotional experience and expression, you need to read this book. You will need the framework it provides for raising boys into open-hearted, strong-hearted men with as much familiarity with love, joy, sorrow, and fear as they have with rage and dirty jokes.

You will also need courage, dedication, and willingness to be seen as the local lunatic who allows his son to cry.

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars More Bookish Thoughts... Jun 16 2011
By Reader Writer Runner TOP 50 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback
In "Real Boys", Harvard clinical psychologist William Pollack argues against the "boy code," stressing that it's impossible show any child too much love. He presents practical hints for supporting our boys and includes a wealth of moving and disturbing case studies.

Pollack's topics range from promoting "action love," a preference for side-by-side connection during shared activity, to enhancing self-esteem, to battling a failing school system. Readers learn that boys often battle depression and cry out for reconnection in subtle ways; we also gain valuable tips on how to uncover hurt beneath a boy's brave facade.

The book is long, at times tedious and lacking in social context. Ultimately, however, it teaches a simple truth: listening without judgment and providing boundless love can make a critical difference in raising sensitive, confident and independent men.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Rescuing Our Sons from Destroying Themselves Feb 23 2004
Format:Hardcover
Real Boys is a pivotal book that explains in great detail how to shatter the myths with which most boys are raised in our society, which prevent them to be allowed to be who they are. Their roles have been stereotyped, and have resulted in deep pain. Many fathers do not understand the bond that their sons need with their mothers, as well as any boyï¿s need to share feelings, even if that means to cry.
Dr. Pollackï¿s book brings tremendously valuable insight for parents who have sons, and how to spare them from guilt, shame, and to embrace their authentic selves in order to thrive, as opposed to devalue themselves.
If you are raising a son, I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. It also addresses teen suicide, and the signs of depression to look out for in order to prevent this from happening to your son.
Highly recommended for the tremendous insight it brings in order for boys to be REAL, and thrive.
From my heart, Barbara Rose, author of ï¿If God Was Like Manï¿ and ï¿Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life.ï¿
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Most recent customer reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Coddling is not the answer
This was a book I was assigned to read for a graduate level diversity class. In a group consistng of myself and three women, our opinions on specific topics in the book varied. Read more
Published on Nov 29 2003 by Cody
1.0 out of 5 stars Questionable theories in a feminist and PC world
Try "Bringing up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson
Published on July 21 2002
5.0 out of 5 stars An eye opener
I consider myself to be a woman who is happily married, continues to have good relationships with her 2 brothers and father, and has many male friends as well (I worked as an... Read more
Published on Jun 15 2002
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
This book was required reading for a child pychology class I took. I think this should be requrired reading for everybody who has a male in his or ger life. Read more
Published on May 7 2002 by Tara McGillicuddy
5.0 out of 5 stars Our Boys Need Our Help
William Pollack has called us all to action to save our boys. He has researched and captured the problems that our boys face today. Read this book and hear our boys cry for help. Read more
Published on Jan 7 2002 by Cheryl W. Walker
4.0 out of 5 stars Before you trash it, consider this...
There have been a number of complaints about this book ranging from thoughtful to narrow-minded and ridiculuous. Read more
Published on Dec 28 2001 by "wackyz_2000"
5.0 out of 5 stars a very important book
Very thought-provoking. To be a fully functioning human being, one must be able to express all emotions without shame or fear of ridicule. Read more
Published on Oct 8 2001
4.0 out of 5 stars boys can think
Every parent I know tends to fall into the same old habit of not letting our kids think for themselves. This seems to be especially true for boys. Read more
Published on Sep 7 2001
5.0 out of 5 stars lets talk boys
This bbok is so helpful and informative. It makes you think twice about the way we talk to boys. Boys are fragile and should not be put under the stress of manhood by society. Read more
Published on July 27 2001 by julie
5.0 out of 5 stars This book shows you the truth of our society!
Real Boys is an enlightning book that shows you how boys think and react. William Pollack gives you a good taste of this by explaining just how boys think and react in situations. Read more
Published on July 27 2001 by julie
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