Relationship Intelligence: Why Your Rq is More Important to Your Success and Happiness Than Your IQ [Paperback]

o Common mistakes that can ruin a man/woman relationship.

o What brain research reveals about Male/Female differences!

o Why are people who fall in love on drugs? Why do they need to be careful about becoming romance junkies?

o What are the four stages of intimacy and why do many people never get beyond stage two?

o Is living together a good way to find if someone is a good marriage partner?

o Which surprising group has the best sex, health, and longest life expectancy?

o Why do good girl/bad girl stereotypes persist throughout the world?

o Why do declining rates of marriage endanger the physical safety of women and children as well as men?

o How is youth violence linked to their parents’ sexuality?

o Which popular 20th century beliefs about sexuality are based on junk science and why do they hurt men, women and children?

o How can you avoid falling into the Fairy Tale, Love conquers all, Entitlement, Virtual Reality, Lone Ranger and other relationship traps?

o What group is the most endangered species in TV-land?

o Why were many men happy to become feminists?

o Why do most college courses on marriage and family flunk the Relationship Intelligence test?

o What are the trends that could make the 21st century an age of Relationship Intelligence?

o Find out why What’s your price tag? may be the most important question you will ever ask your self!

I recently heard the tragic story of a bright, energetic young woman living in Columbus, Ohio. She did very well in her studies in high school and was accepted at an Ivy League school on an athletic scholarship. She was the first one in her family and one of the few in her neighborhood able to go to college. The college’s health exam revealed that she was HIV-positive. She’d had sex with just one person, a young man she’d known most of her life.

I thought about this young woman, her anguish and her regret. Thousands of girls like her in high school or college have sexual intercourse without the same consequences. Many do end up pregnant. Many get other diseases which are more widespread and, usually, less lethal than AIDS. They get more time to learn from, or at least survive, their mistakes. Despite advances in the medical treatment of HIV/AIDS, she is unlikely to get the same chance.

Some would argue that sexually transmitted diseases are just dumb germs who don’t care who you are and whether this is your first or tenth partner. And they’re right.

While it’s true this young woman made her own decisions and must live with the consequences, I can’t stop thinking that the way our society understands and discusses love and sexuality is a travesty. On the one side are those who think that everything can be solved by leaving boxes of condoms around everywhere, as actress Sharon Stone suggested at World’s AIDS Day in 1998. On the other side are those who think that just telling young people to just say no is enough.

Beyond advice, warnings or commandments regarding sexual expression, there are larger issues-what is the connection between love and sexuality? The 20th century saw a radical departure from the mainstream of traditional wisdom about this important area of our lives. As we enter the 21st century should we build on 20th century trends? Should we junk our recent past as a failure and start from scratch? An article in Parade magazine mentioned the upcoming 55th wedding anniversary of actor Charlton Heston and his wife, Lydia. Asked if she ever considered divorcing the Ben-Hur star, Mrs. Heston replied, Divorce? Never! Murder, yes.

As a child of divorced parents, I didn’t see up close and personal the strength and security expressed in her kidding response. I’ve met other couples from the same World War II generation who have the same unquestioning commitment to each other. It’s hard not to have enormous respect and even awe at their beautiful faith in their marital relationship. Who wouldn’t love to have that kind of respect and friendship after 50 years of being together?

More recent generations are a different story. Last year for a TV show pilot I interviewed couples at a local mall regarding many of these questions about love and relationships. Many couples were insightful. Some were confused. All seemed to be still searching as if there is no clearly successful model to emulate. When asked about the best way to prepare for marriage, many thought that living together was a good idea, even though there’s a lot of research showing that living together usually damages the chances of a marriage lasting.

Some people will ask why a book about relationships spends so much time focusing on sexual issues. The reason is that the way we deal with sex impacts not only the man-woman relationship itself and any children born as a consequence of intercourse, but also the way we relate to others and, most of all, to ourselves. Sexuality is powerful and its distortion can have consequences on our own lives and those of others for generations to come. Of course, in the right context it’s great!

As we go to press, a friend has just emailed me a quote from Sharon Stone (mentioned earlier) about her marriage to Phil Bronstein: I had no idea what marriage could be. Married, loving sex? I don’t care how much you might be in love with someone, there’s nothing like married, loving sex. There is no way to tell someone who hasn’t had that experience what it does to the way you look at the world. (September 1999 issue of Movieline) If Ms. Basic Instinct can have a change of heart, it seems there must be hope for the rest of us . . .