Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby [Paperback]

 

 

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Tracy Hogg claims this is a middle of the road approach. It isn't. As a parent and as a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have read most of the parenting books on the market. This book isn't much different from all of the other sleep training books out there. It is obvious it is written from the perspective of a babysitter rather than a medical doctor or psychologist. Her change a "bad" habit in three days is ridiculous and oversimplified. Yes, you can change a behavior if you are ruthless enough about it, but that doesn't mean you should. Picking up the baby and putting them back down repeatedly as she recommends might make you feel like you are doing something rather than just leaving them there to cry, but you aren't meeting the babies need for closeness. In one example she explains that in one night she picked up and put a baby down 172 times (when he cried, she picked him up and as soon as he stopped she put him down), how frustrating for this poor baby who was trying to communicate a need that went unmet. After several days, the baby gave up and didn't cry in his crib anymore. She cites this as an example of how great her training program is. Babies are people with needs. I met a family recently who used this approach and their baby responded to this program like a trained pup. She was complacent and passive. She slept through the night without a peep and from 8:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. Her daily routines involved videos, bottles, and crib-time with a bunch of pacifiers. No rocking, no lullabyes, definitely no nursing. It definitely was easy as her "E.A.S.Y." program implies. But, this kind of approach has negative long term effects. The mother said that the approach is great because her child doesn't have to "waste energy communicating her needs" because they tell her what she needs. This is a big premise of this book. I found this very sad. Children need to learn to identify their needs, communicate their needs, and have those needs met. In this process they learn to communicate and have healthy trusting relationships with others. These sleep training programs are based on behavioral psychological theories. The problem with this is that these approaches are more appropriate for animals, which is how these theories developed, and can be used for older children and adults for certain problems. But it is completely developmentally inappropriate to use these behavior modification approaches with human infants. The first 12 to 18 months of life the primary task of a human infant is to learn to trust. Books like this make the routine more important than the relationship. This causes significant long term relationship problems that the child will struggle with in the years to come. I see this every day in my practice-problems with intimacy and materialism, attaching and finding comfort in objects continuing later in life- the bottle, pacifier, and blankie become the cigarette, the alcoholic drink, the compulsive shopping, the compulsive eating, etc tomorrow. Of course the occasional use of a pacifier or bottle when mom isn't available is handy, but overrelying on mother substitutes as Tracy recommends is not good for your child. If you want to learn more about child development, go right to the source and study Winnicott, Kohut and Bowlby. Or if you want to read a book marketed to parents the only author I can recommend who is consistent with developmental needs is Dr. Sears.

I'm a maternity nurse, and I bought this book on the advice of a colleague. Being an inexperienced new mom, I tried to follow Hogg's advice for developing a flexible routine for my newborn. Instead of enjoying my son's first weeks, I agonized over the fact that he just didn't seem to eat/play/sleep according to her timetable. Plain and simple, if you breastfeed, and feed on cue (which is necessary for milk production and for baby to thrive), then it is unlikely that your baby will fit the mould outlined by Hogg. Her breastfeeding information is totally wrong and outdated. I'm no "breastfeeding Nazi" as some of the reviewers have complained about, but the truth is, there are actually RISKS associated with formula, none of which Hogg mentions. (I won't elaborate, the advantages of breastmilk and the risks of artificial feeding are well known and well documented, a fact that seems to be lost to Ms. Hogg).

This is a good book if you are looking for an excuse not to breastfeed and not to feel guilty about it. This is a good book if you don't want the inconvenience of "parenting" your baby to sleep. This is a good book if holding and carrying your baby just because he wants it isn't something that you have time for. This is a good book if you find that parenting is just a little too inconvenient and time consuming. This is a good book if a good night's sleep is more important to you than bonding with your newborn. This is a good book if, instead of cuddling your baby, you'd rather preoccupy yourself with charting and plotting every feeding, wet diaper and bowel movement. This is a terrific book if you want to learn how to train a pet.

I hate the fact that this woman made money off of me. I won't even give the book away, for fear that someone might just follow her advice. I gave up trying to follow her methods after a few weeks, read some other books by Dr. Sears and Elizabeth Pantley, and contacted La Leche League,the real experts, who by the way, Hogg portrays as a group who profits from promoting breastfeeding.

Hogg is condascending and treats new parents as total idiots, and leads them to mistrust their instincts. Parenting is never easy, but babies will, with time, fall into a routine. Don't waste your time in reading this book, instead, cuddle your baby, let him fall asleep in your arms while you bury your nose in his fat this little neck and smell his downy hair. Carry him around just because you want to. Savour every second, it goes so fast. Memories of sleep deprivation will fade, but the memories of the closeness you share with your baby will last forever.

This book had a couple helpful things in it, but overall I was annoyed by her lack of objectivity (while pretending like she was presenting an unbias view). And I did find her tone condescending. I have had a lot of sleepless nights in the past 6 weeks which has given me a great opportunity to fly through baby care books. I have to say that I lean toward books written by doctors or sleep researchers that back up their suggestions with actual data and research. I am a total sucker for science and long bibliographies, and that is what I did not find in this book- just opinion. And sure her opinion will work fine for some babies, but some of her methods are potentially harmful (see other reviews for details). I found her E.A.S.Y. program to be meaningless- Eat Activity Sleep You- whatever! She kept referring to it like it was the meaning of life.
I find it quite amusing that she appropriated the "the ABC's of operant conditioning". She calls it her the "ABCs of Changing Bad Habits". I would have respected her more if she had admitted this was borrowed from learning theory and behavioral psychology instead of pretending like she invented it. She uses the same terms (Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence), but she totally misinterprets how it works. Instead of the common behavioral wisdom (change the consequence to change the behavior- brought to us courtesy of Skinner 50+ years ago and still valid), she says "Change the behavior to change the consequence". But how do you introduce a new behavior? She doesn't touch on that- her ABCs make no sense and just confirmed for me what I had suspected- that she skimmed books instead of doing real research.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Best book ever!!
This was the best book I read. I read it while I was pregnant with my first child and I learned so much. I implemented Hogg's strategies and they worked beautifully. Read more

Published 25 days ago by Amber

4.0 out of 5 stars good shape and on time
Product was in great condition and was received in a timely manner. There were no issues with the supplier or the book.

Published 5 months ago by Jaclyn

1.0 out of 5 stars What about twins?
This book ruined my first year with my twins. I learned things from this author that a mom struggling to do the right thing should never hear. Read more

Published 8 months ago by annette mc

5.0 out of 5 stars baby whisperer is the best
This book gave very caring, honest and reliable guidance for parenting my child. We followed the baby whisperer methods/ideas since our child was born. Read more

Published 11 months ago by jm6006

2.0 out of 5 stars Take it with a BIG grain of salt
Some baby whisperer. Her advice is contradictory and unclear. Aside from constantly reminding us how right she was with all her clients (most high-powered execs apparently), her... Read more

Published 14 months ago by Gaelle Eizlini

1.0 out of 5 stars Too much hype!
I heard about this book from a friend, so I bought it...it is very apparent in her writing that the author is too conceited. Read more

Published 16 months ago by ChinaMamma

1.0 out of 5 stars AWFUL, HARMFUL PARENTING ADVICE
In this book Tracy Hogg has given terrible parenting advice to new mothers. I cannot begin to explain how the advice in this book ruined my early weeks with my newborn child... Read more

Published 17 months ago by Soph

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
Prompte livraison dans les délais prescrits et produits neufs! Livre plus qu'intéressant pour tous parents.

Published on Jan 16 2010 by Valérie Beaudoin

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book!
I love this book! I have some reference books, which I'll read once in a while. But, I could not put this book down! Read more

Published on Aug 18 2009 by C. Gillespie

5.0 out of 5 stars Calming common sense for parents and babies
This is definitely the most helpful baby book I have read, and I have read several. Tracy applauds parents' wisdom by saying that every parent needs to take all the information... Read more

Published on April 19 2009 by Polly Winzeff

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