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She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman [Hardcover]

Ian Kerner
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)

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Book Description

May 13 2004

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay -- simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and illustrated step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamousline to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

Product Details

Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


“Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they’re not satisfied.” (Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City)

“Take note, guys. This book is your secret weapon.” (Jauretsi Saizarbitoria, Jane Magazine)

“Here comes a book that puts men in their places - smack dab in between women’s legs!” (Cake)

“An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!” (Playgirl)

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LADIES FIRST, gentlemen. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thumbs Up from a Connoisseur July 1 2004
I've always prided myself on my oral abilities and often thought that I should write a book on the subject myself if I wasn't so lazy, since none seemed to be written by straight men or get beyond magazine-type tips. In short, no book elevated oral sex to art. So when I heard about this book, I was ready to hate it and dismiss it as fluff, but I read it over the weekend and it's really substantial and well-written. Dr. Kerner has put into words what I've always felt about oral sex and has even elevated it to the ranks of literature. It is written by someone who loves women and wants to show men how to translate that love into action. The book is really about much more than oral sex and the author brings a knowledge of female sexuality that is unparalleled. Every guy should read this, even if he thinks he's an expert, because it will inspire you to be even better. And not just at oral sex, but at appreciating the sophistication of female sexuality and how it's different than a man's. You'll learn things about women that you never knew before, and it's all fun and easy to read. Dr. Kerner dedicates the book to his wife, and says that in the world of mouth-music, she's his Stradivarius: priceless and precious. That comment says it all about his approach. This book isn't just about satisfying women, it's about cherishing them too and giving them true gifts of pleasure and intimacy. As Rhett Butler said, "you should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." This book is for any guy who has a romantic streak, or wants to be inspired to have one.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
It takes a real man to realize and openly admit he doesn't automatically know how to savor a woman's "cassolette." (Perfume box- oh, what a great term!)
This book will guide you deeply on the ins and outs you can't learn by watching porn, or talking in the locker room. For wetness sake! This book offers a cunning cunnilinguist manifesto, cites Marx, Rabelais, Kundera, Taosim, Shakespeare and Nabokov for the literary lover, has precise drawings for the curious cunnilinguist and even a cheat sheet for the harried lover. What have you to lose from reading a book on pleasuring a woman? Your innocence?
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars She comes first... Sept. 20 2007
..then it's your turn. And so this is the premise of this very enlightning book on how to pleasure a woman. The author (Kerner) really gives good advice and isn't coy about it, either. I liked the straightforwardness language and have found this book to be useful in the bedroom. Likewise, I also enjoyed "Sex Machine"--Kane and highly recommend it as well.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Small Penis, Big on Tongue June 30 2004
By A Customer
I heard about this book on Howard Stern this morning and had to check out the "Elvis Presley Snarl" and the "Jackson Pollack lick" and the other techniques Howard talked about. Like the King of All Media, I have a small penis, but I'm big on the tongue and am always looking to improve. I don't know if the book is good or not, but any guy who devotes himself to satisfying women and can let Howard and Artie take the piss out of him about going off too quickly and double condoms has to be okay.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good information about female sexuality March 21 2012
The first section of the book contains good information about female sexuality. The remainder of the book is focused on performing oral sex on women. The book is worth buying for either part alone.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Underneath the Bow June 24 2004
I saw the author on the Today Show, and they wouldn't show the title of the book and made a big deal about saying the title was too sexy for tv -- it looked like they covered the book with a bow or some ribbon. The author seemed really smart and honest and young (and cute) and I couldn't imagine what was so offensive -- so I went out at lunch-time and bought it and was surprised about all the fuss. What's so bad about saying "She Comes First?" It's cute and funny...and most of all it's true, or at least it should be true! It's about time women came first, in every sense of the word. Which is why I just ordered three copies for my sister and friends. I've only read the beginning, but it seems really well written and important and the illustrations really make me want to know how to get men put a woman's pleasure first. Because just don't get it. I'm going to give it to my boyfriend with a bow on it too, but not because I don't want him to see the title, but because I want it to be the best present I ever gave him.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, Informative and Thorough July 6 2004
By A Customer
I can do nothing but praise Ian Kerner's work, She Comes First. Don't think that it's training men to be more generous out of charity. It plainly explains WHY men should make sure their partners have been given ample attention as well as HOW to do so. This book brilliantly addresses issues of safety, effective technique, variety, philosophy, biology, psychology and so on. This work is the perfect blend of humor, humility, statistically-based facts, genius insight and creativity. You can feel illuminated just by the first few chapters and still want to take more in. I know this is definitely a great read for us guys and imagine women would likely enjoy learning more about how exactly their bodies are working. Pick it up now and hope for more from this author. Enjoy.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars His Wife Must be the Happiest Woman in the World July 13 2004
I can't marry Ian Kerner, but I can sing the praises of his funny, honest, liberating book. I've seen him a couple of times now on the Today Show and he's always dead-on when talking about sex and what's happening in America's bedrooms. I've even emailed him anonymously with a couple of sex questions and he's been really responsive and caring. Katie Couric won't say the title of the book on TV, but she's a smart girl and I bet you she's got a copy on her bedside table. Smart women like smart guys and She Comes First really is the thinking man's guide for pleasuring woman. It's about time.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars How do you know if she has? Who cares?
Who really cares if she does?
Published 2 months ago by DEWEY_U_2
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic book
This is just the best book I have red on how to pleasure your woman with your tongue. It is specific and fun to read. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Majie H. Lavergne
5.0 out of 5 stars Guys, Gals, couples... Read this book
best book ever
Published 3 months ago by troy
5.0 out of 5 stars wow
very explicit well explained techniques and anatomy,i thought i knew how to please my wife .I was so wrong!!! Read more
Published 5 months ago by gator
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for any man of any age.
An 80-year-old I loaned this too is amazed at the information he finds, and wishes he had had this book 60 years ago when first married. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Sheila White
5.0 out of 5 stars mmm, mmm, good
Initially thought leaning the biology, or part 1 of the book, was not important and thought I'd go right to technique. I'm glad I didn't, and I believe so will my partner. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Gordon E Cook
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For Men
You may think you know it all about how to pleasure a women, but you will definitely learn more by reading this book. A true game changer.
Published 10 months ago by DavisM
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what you need
right to the point, great step-by-step... will get you doing the right thing and being the best guy she ever met
Published 11 months ago by Alex Alves
4.0 out of 5 stars When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
I picked up this novel with the intention of learning something new about a pretty important, yet hush-hushed, aspect of life. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Benjamin Diplock
5.0 out of 5 stars Can you say "Viva la vulva"?
I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. Read more
Published on March 15 2012 by Tommy Skylar
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