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She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman [Hardcover]

Ian Kerner
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (59 customer reviews)

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Book Description

May 13 2004

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue.

Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay -- simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and illustrated step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual.

She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamousline to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


“Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they’re not satisfied.” (Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City)

“Take note, guys. This book is your secret weapon.” (Jauretsi Saizarbitoria, Jane Magazine)

“Here comes a book that puts men in their places - smack dab in between women’s legs!” (Cake)

“An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!” (Playgirl)

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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thumbs Up from a Connoisseur July 1 2004
I've always prided myself on my oral abilities and often thought that I should write a book on the subject myself if I wasn't so lazy, since none seemed to be written by straight men or get beyond magazine-type tips. In short, no book elevated oral sex to art. So when I heard about this book, I was ready to hate it and dismiss it as fluff, but I read it over the weekend and it's really substantial and well-written. Dr. Kerner has put into words what I've always felt about oral sex and has even elevated it to the ranks of literature. It is written by someone who loves women and wants to show men how to translate that love into action. The book is really about much more than oral sex and the author brings a knowledge of female sexuality that is unparalleled. Every guy should read this, even if he thinks he's an expert, because it will inspire you to be even better. And not just at oral sex, but at appreciating the sophistication of female sexuality and how it's different than a man's. You'll learn things about women that you never knew before, and it's all fun and easy to read. Dr. Kerner dedicates the book to his wife, and says that in the world of mouth-music, she's his Stradivarius: priceless and precious. That comment says it all about his approach. This book isn't just about satisfying women, it's about cherishing them too and giving them true gifts of pleasure and intimacy. As Rhett Butler said, "you should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." This book is for any guy who has a romantic streak, or wants to be inspired to have one.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good information about female sexuality March 21 2012
The first section of the book contains good information about female sexuality. The remainder of the book is focused on performing oral sex on women. The book is worth buying for either part alone.
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17 of 21 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars If your into technique only Oct. 28 2006
By Megan
If I was a man, and I needed to be told to flick my tongue when I'm down there, or rub it this way or that...well, maybe its me but I felt these were obvious techniques to try which your lady may or may not like. Can't a guy figure that out with each woman on his own? Isn't that half the fun? The title really has the best advice...the THINKING man.

As a woman reading the book, I can say that although some of these techniques might be enjoyable (although most of them I would just consider foreplay...they definite would not get me there), the MAIN important thing to satisfying me is what is going on in my head. Once my mind is in the right place my husbands technique is of secondary importance...and as long as he is somewhere in the vicinity and not doing anything too distracting I will be satisfied. For my husband and I, nighttime reading of erotica is what saved our sex lives. We can't wait to pull out the books (our favorites which never fail are Enchanted by Nancy Madore, Naughty Bedtime Stories by Joan Loyd and My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday). Reading one or two short stories relaxs me and helps me forget the problems of the day. Where I was almost never in the mood before I started reading at night, it is now a regular part of my life. Plus, the stories gave my husband and I an opening to talk about fantasies, and that has made things more fun in the bedroom too. If you really want to improve your sex life, get your significant other a pile of books. There are tons of them out there. The ones about fantasies are the best.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars His Wife Must be the Happiest Woman in the World July 13 2004
I can't marry Ian Kerner, but I can sing the praises of his funny, honest, liberating book. I've seen him a couple of times now on the Today Show and he's always dead-on when talking about sex and what's happening in America's bedrooms. I've even emailed him anonymously with a couple of sex questions and he's been really responsive and caring. Katie Couric won't say the title of the book on TV, but she's a smart girl and I bet you she's got a copy on her bedside table. Smart women like smart guys and She Comes First really is the thinking man's guide for pleasuring woman. It's about time.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, Informative and Thorough July 6 2004
By A Customer
I can do nothing but praise Ian Kerner's work, She Comes First. Don't think that it's training men to be more generous out of charity. It plainly explains WHY men should make sure their partners have been given ample attention as well as HOW to do so. This book brilliantly addresses issues of safety, effective technique, variety, philosophy, biology, psychology and so on. This work is the perfect blend of humor, humility, statistically-based facts, genius insight and creativity. You can feel illuminated just by the first few chapters and still want to take more in. I know this is definitely a great read for us guys and imagine women would likely enjoy learning more about how exactly their bodies are working. Pick it up now and hope for more from this author. Enjoy.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars When life gives you lemons, make lemonade Jan. 5 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I picked up this novel with the intention of learning something new about a pretty important, yet hush-hushed, aspect of life. The novels structure helped me to follow along and build up knowledge without getting too swamped with information to continue. What I learned was extremely interesting and applicable to real life - plain and simple. I have learned since, through applying my knowledge, that the steps to success are not necessarily universal (one technique does not get it done for every woman - due to mental, physiological or emotional factors not considered in the novel) in their order. Keeping in mind the 3 principles he provides, sometimes switching the method within the bounds of the readings is necessary to produce success. Though this does not take away from the fact that the information Ian Kerner provides results in a better informed reader and more caring and compassionate lover and friend. You are given the information - the lemons - it is you choice and foresight that will determine how you manipulate or turn this raw info into lemonade!

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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Guys, Gals, couples... Read this book
best book ever
Published 13 days ago by troy
5.0 out of 5 stars wow
very explicit well explained techniques and anatomy,i thought i knew how to please my wife .I was so wrong!!! Read more
Published 2 months ago by gator
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for any man of any age.
An 80-year-old I loaned this too is amazed at the information he finds, and wishes he had had this book 60 years ago when first married. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Sheila White
5.0 out of 5 stars mmm, mmm, good
Initially thought leaning the biology, or part 1 of the book, was not important and thought I'd go right to technique. I'm glad I didn't, and I believe so will my partner. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Gordon E Cook
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For Men
You may think you know it all about how to pleasure a women, but you will definitely learn more by reading this book. A true game changer.
Published 7 months ago by DavisM
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what you need
right to the point, great step-by-step... will get you doing the right thing and being the best guy she ever met
Published 8 months ago by Alex Alves
5.0 out of 5 stars Can you say "Viva la vulva"?
I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. Read more
Published on March 15 2012 by Tommy Sixx Morais
5.0 out of 5 stars Master your woman
This is a really, really good guide. It covers the physics but more importantly the whole deal. If you aren't sure, after going through this easy read, you'll be confident. Read more
Published on Jan. 25 2011 by oggie
1.0 out of 5 stars What a Waste of Time
Unless you are a complete woman pleasuring novice, this book is not for you. My first problem with this book is that he writes as if his audience was women. Read more
Published on Dec 10 2010 by Ryan Mann
5.0 out of 5 stars She comes first...
..then it's your turn. And so this is the premise of this very enlightning book on how to pleasure a woman. Read more
Published on Sept. 20 2007 by CB
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