Should You Leave: Amazon.ca: Peter Kramer: Books

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From Amazon.com

Uniquely conceived and utterly refreshing, Peter Kramer (Listening to Prozac) breaks the mold of most advice books with Should You Leave? Expect no authoritative voice retreating behind labels or manufactured jargon. Instead, in a series of fictive sessions with imaginary advisees, Kramer illlustrates complex problems; each one lets him give a different style of advice--from Freud's to Ann Lander's. The central question pushes the limits of traditional "silent therapy": can a direct, simple response to any problem of the heart be valuable?

Should You Leave? moves fluidly between discussions of psychological theory and imaginative flights, revealing both a wide body of knowledge and compassion. Kramer's questions, framed with sensitivity and irreverence, challenge our cultural fixation on autonomy and assertiveness. Given these, how can intimacy thrive? --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

You've had enough?or so you think. But should you really leave? Kramer, author of the best-selling Listening to Prozac (LJ 5/1/93), examines how people seek an answer to this crucial question of the heart. Along the way he offers great insights into the human condition and helps the reader to understand why we each do what we do about interpersonal relationships on the brink of a breakup. The book is concerned with more than just answering the title's basic question. It also delves into the intricate and complicated issue of psychotherapy and advice itself. Kramer contemplates the role of the therapist as well as the unspoken law against offering advice to his clients. Written with a keen ear for narrative, this nonfiction title reads more like well-written fiction: smooth as silk. Highly recommended for both public library self-help and academic psychology collections.?Marty Dean Evensvold, Magnolia P.L., Tx.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

15 Reviews

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
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Average Customer Review

3.9 out of 5 stars (15 customer reviews)

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4.0 out of 5 stars Good Book, But not an Easy Read, May 1 2004

By	J. McAndrew "Jeffrey C. McAndrew" (USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I listened to the audiobook, and frankly I had to re-wind a few times to understand what Dr. Kramer was saying. It was almost like having an insider's view of what psychiatrists think, the thought processes they go through when deciding what techniques to use with patients. This book takes patience, but if you have the patience to re-wind or re-read, it is highly worth it. It was interesting to hear him talk about directive vs. non-directive approaches to therapy and when each is most applicable. I would have liked to see him include more examples of couples with children having problems. It seemed like a lot of his examples included childless couples. Also, a lot of his examples included those high on the socio-economic scale, which may turn off Johnny Lunchbox and Susie Middleclass.

I wish he would have included more about Rogerian therapy, and it's non-directive nature. I also would have found some more references to religion interesting. All in all...it was a good book. A lot of thought went into the work, and I can certainly tell Dr. Kramer majored in English in college. Perhaps he would be better at writing fiction..just a thought.

Jeffrey McAndrew
author of "Our Brown-Eyed Boy"

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5.0 out of 5 stars Deep, intelligent, funny, useful, challenging, unusual, ..., Dec 17 2003

By A Customer

With Beck's Love is Never Enough, it is by far the best book I have read on couples. With so many self-help books centered on finding fault in the other, this one brings a rarer and more usefully challenging perspective. I found it worth reading every year.

Some of the most striking points made by Kramer in this book:
- a promising relationship is one in which, when you change enough, a reciprocal response occurs.
- you need to grow in willingness to be slightly taken advantage of
- you want change ? then stay this time !
- if you want change, change yourself first
- to be committed is to be able to find the bills a mess (or anything else that drives you crazy) and be perfectly fine.
- if you chose somebody with about the same level of differenciation/maturity as you, then you are at the right place
- if you are with somebody easy enough to love and not frankly abusive, you should stay
- learn not to tolerate, but to actually love what you now disdain in your partner (stop being vicious about the unclosed soda cap bottle and learn to find it charming)
- you say your couple or partner do not feel right. Don't you have a problem with your work instead ?
- hidden depression in one or the other partner is the cause of half of the couple problems and breakups. A partner suddently finding all sorts of flaws in the other is a strong hint of depression.
- insist ! Not on leaving, but on staying and having it your way.
- beware of negative projective identification: you unconsciously force the other to behave in ways you fear.
- maturity consists in a large part in resisting to (and resisting the use of) projective identification
- use the current relationship as a greenhouse to develop your relationship skills.
- ethics do matter.
- men are from Illinois and women are from Indiana. They are different, but not in especially confusing ways.
- relationships are exactly like skiing: it does not work as long as you are in the back seat.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Destined to be a classic, Jan 1 2002

By A Customer

An absolute gem of a book I almost missed because I couldn't bear the thought of yet another sappy self-help book. Described as part fiction, part non-fiction, part self-help, Kramer puts together scenarios that seem all too familiar, and then cleverly analyzes them in the second person, writing to "you" instead of an impersonal someone else, so that you are forced to engage with the different situations and personalities where they fit and discard the rest. That's how he gives advice, without directly giving advice, and the experience overall is very rewarding. (And he is clear that his tendency is to stay, not to leave -- although he is also clear about when and why to leave as well.) On top of it all, it is very engagingly written -- Kramer is a writer first, and a psychiatrist second, and it is fascinating to read in such a clear context about the many historical and philosophical references that he has devoted a lifetime to reading (and I probably never will). For those on the fence in an important relationship and wanting a useful tool to help understand how you got there and how to move forward, without spending weeks in intensive therapy, this book is the best help money can buy -- and the lessons you will keep for a lifetime. For all that, I still can't write a review that gives this book its due.

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Most recent customer reviews

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1.0 out of 5 stars Pass on this one
Much of what I thought has already been said, and probably better than I could say it. I've read many relationship books. It just seemed like the Dr. Read more

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