Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too: Amazon.ca: Adele Faber Elaine Mazlish: Books

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I secretly believed that sibling rivalry was something that happened to other people's children. Read the first page

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30 Reviews

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4.8 out of 5 stars (30 customer reviews)

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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good, but outdated, July 14 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (Paperback)

This book contains excellent ideas, but it's obvious that its 13 years old. The examples are most useful for the traditional family with at-home mom. I found the cartoons and text a little too simple for my tastes. The concept bothered me a bit because the authors assume that all siblings hate each other. My kids do fight, but they are friends, too. For good ideas on raising siblings try these books: Loving Each One Best and Kid Cooperation (There's a chapter about siblings, but the whole book has ideas that are helpful when it comes to raising more than one.)and The 10 Greatest Gifts to Give Your Children (Not about siblings, but all the ideas covered do apply.)

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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great suggestions for handling �¿Quibbling Siblings, Aug 2 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (Paperback)

This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "don�¿ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A very helpful tool in dealing with your kids, Mar 12 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (Paperback)

This book was EXACTLY what I was looking for. In dealing with my two stepsons as well as my own two daughters, ranging in age from one to seven, I felt there HAD to be a way to prevent some of this fierce competitive and unkind nature between kids. I refused to believe there was nothing much we parents could do about it. The perspective it gave in how to treat the children each as individuals, without reference or comparison to their siblings in any way seemed obvious, yet for most of us parents, we do these things unconsciously in various daily situations. I began realizing how even the smallest comments, however well-intended, could induce rivalry between the kids and have found the ideas and suggestions in this book to be of immeasurable value to my family. In some areas, I do feel that it gets a little too extreme to be realistic, however, the main concept behind the advice and suggestions is very helpful.

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Most recent customer reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent easy read for all parents
This book was so good. It was very easy and quick to read. It outlines problems that occur between siblings and gives straightforward suggestions. Read more

Published 12 months ago by Mother of Two

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book! A must for families with children
I loved this book. It provides a series on concrete examples and detailed rationales to diffuse (or prevent) sibling rivalry. Read more

Published 15 months ago by cassiesmom