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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too [Paperback]

Adele Faber Elaine Mazlish (Author)
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)

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Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
I secretly believed that sibling rivalry was something that happened to other people's children. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
31 reviews
4.8 out of 5 stars
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great suggestions for handling ï¿Quibbling Siblings Aug 2 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "donï¿ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A very helpful tool in dealing with your kids Mar 12 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book was EXACTLY what I was looking for. In dealing with my two stepsons as well as my own two daughters, ranging in age from one to seven, I felt there HAD to be a way to prevent some of this fierce competitive and unkind nature between kids. I refused to believe there was nothing much we parents could do about it. The perspective it gave in how to treat the children each as individuals, without reference or comparison to their siblings in any way seemed obvious, yet for most of us parents, we do these things unconsciously in various daily situations. I began realizing how even the smallest comments, however well-intended, could induce rivalry between the kids and have found the ideas and suggestions in this book to be of immeasurable value to my family. In some areas, I do feel that it gets a little too extreme to be realistic, however, the main concept behind the advice and suggestions is very helpful.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book has made such a positive difference in my life! Feb 25 2003
By Loralei Thomas
Format:Paperback
I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent easy read for all parents
This book was so good. It was very easy and quick to read. It outlines problems that occur between siblings and gives straightforward suggestions. Read more
Published on Feb 3 2011 by Mother of Two
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book! A must for families with children
I loved this book. It provides a series on concrete examples and detailed rationales to diffuse (or prevent) sibling rivalry. Read more
Published on Oct 29 2010 by cassiesmom
5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't live without it!
I love this book! It is filled with practical advice complete with sketches of common arguements and how to respond. I re-read a chapter every six months as problems arise. Read more
Published on July 6 2004 by Book Mom
4.0 out of 5 stars A Very Practical "How to" Book
This book is useful not only for dealing with sibling rivalry, but also with diffusing conflicts between any children. Read more
Published on Jan 5 2004 by Jan Peczkis
5.0 out of 5 stars I love this book
I love this book... My kids are now 5 & 3 and there is another on the way. I have read this book cover to cover & keep it handy for quick references when I feel I need a... Read more
Published on Jan 4 2004
4.0 out of 5 stars Siblings - Homegrown rivals!
Authors Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish has published books like Siblings Without Rivalry & How to Talk so kids will Listen & Listen so kids will Talk. Read more
Published on July 31 2003 by Ilaxi S. Patel
5.0 out of 5 stars In Need of a Peace Treaty For Your Siblings?
Are you tired of your children fighting over everything big or small? Are your nerves frayed at their ends? Are you spending too much time setteling your childrens' agruments? Read more
Published on Sep 21 2002 by M. Bennett
4.0 out of 5 stars The basics on raising more than one
This is a very simple book that gives good tips on what to do to stop your kids from fighting so much. Read more
Published on Sep 17 2002
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a great book
I have three children - the oldest are girls ages 8 and 6 and boy age 3. This book was wonderful. My two girls constantly battle and my boy is extrememly agressive towards... Read more
Published on Sep 4 2002 by Deborah Patten
4.0 out of 5 stars Look here for some answers
This book is well written and presented in a manner that provides simple, common sense approaches to the anarchy in your home. Read more
Published on Mar 14 2002 by Victoria Kelsey
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