Six Pillars of Self-Esteem [Paperback]

Brandon says, for instance, that "medium-self-esteem individuals" (his words) are "typically" attracted to others with medium self-esteem and that low-self-esteem-individuals are "typically" attracted to low-self-esteem-individuals" which, as a psychologist, I haven't found to be true. Instead I have found that individuals with low self-esteem may, indeed, be MORE COMFORTABLE with others who have a similar level of self-esteem, but they are most definitely ATTRACTED to those with higher levels of self-esteem, those who portray a strong sense of confidence, those who are independent, those who are positive, secure, upbeat, and have a sense of purpose in their lives. In fact, people with low self-esteem routinely attempt to attach themselves to people with healthy self-esteem, people others admire, because they enjoy a sense of self-importance and feel more secure themselves, when around people who seem to "have it together". Thus, I have found that people with low self-esteem only tend to gravitate to others who have low self-esteem AS A LAST RESORT, when they feel others are not accepting them, when they feel they don't fit in anywhere else. They definitely ARE NOT "ATTRACTED" to others who have low self-esteem. It's common, for instance, for young people who feel they don't fit in with the popular kids at school, to form their own groups--they ban together because they feel like outcasts. Inside, however, they would like to be friends with the same kids others admire. Forming gangs or groups of their own at least gives them a sense of belonging somewhere,of having a support group where they are not ridiculed, teased, or made to feel less adequate. If the truth were to be known, however, they too would say that they really just wanted to fit in with the regular kids in their schools and community.

The second problem I had with this book is that Brandon seems not to recognize that just as many people who have low self-esteem become "overachievers" as those who become "underachievers". Sorensen who wrote "Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem" thoroughly explains this this and also how low self-esteem is in itself, a motivator for many people--that anger and a desire to prove oneself adequate and competent can spur people to achieve as much or more than they might have, had they not had low self-esteem. Many highly successful people in all fields have low self-esteem but Brandon doesn't seem to understand this. Brandon doesn't recognize that low self-esteem, though a negative factor, is, indeed, still a true motivator for many who have low self-esteem. These comments come from early in the book. I read somewhat further but found far too many "distortions" in his concepts to want to finish the book. While I know he has had a huge impact on the early understanding of self-esteem, it seems he has not refined his early concepts, as one often has to do, and it concerns me that the average reader who is not well versed in self-esteem issues, will not necessarily realize the problems in his theories.

This interests me to reread this, because having first read this book in 1994, I wrote so many detailed introspective notes that I too can say, I've learned a lot from thinking and writing about the "learning lessons" of my life.

And this is a life-time process.

So, what are the 6 Pillars of Self-esteem?

First, I'd like to say that a healthy dose of self-esteem is thinking for yourself, no matter what is going on around you; while you maintain the belief that you deserve to be happy.

And happiness is when you can say that you have more joy than pain in your life.

The 6 pillars are:
1. Live Consciously
This requires us to be fully in the present moment. And for
most, this takes a bit of practice, because many of us are
conditioned to disown the here and now, to survive what we
have thought that we cannot handle.

2. Accept Yourself
Yes. You have flaws and attributes. You also have the
opportunity to enhance who you are, by accepting everything
about yourself. In fact, the only way to enhance who you
are is to accept yourself.

3. Take Responsibility for Your Experiences
Through my journey, I have learned to be in conversations
where I say to myself, "It comes down to 'this is where you
end, and I begin,'"
Saying such an affirmation has helped me to congruently say
what I will and will not experience. And this is quite
liberating not only to myself, but also to my interlocutor
(most of the time)

4. Assert Who You Are
Honor what you think, feel, believe, need and want. Yes,
for many readers this may be a challenge. But the results
of accepting this challenge are wonderfully fulfilling.

5. Live Purposefully
Make an agreement with yourself to reach your highest
potential, while you maintain balance in your life.

6. Maintain Your Integrity
Know exactly what your principles are. And stick to them,
no matter what others think or do.

This is an easy to follow book that is also between the caliber of a "self-help" book and a "psychology" book.

Enjoy!