Slaughter High

 

 

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Slaughter High has everything you're looking for in a comically bad horror film: a horrible script, a veritable plague of bad acting, terrible cinematography (it's not uncommon for the screen to go completely black for 15-20 seconds at a time), some enjoyable and even halfway creative killings, a little gratuitous nudity (although very little, in the case of this film), and of course a patented "they should have ended the movie five minutes sooner" ending. Slaughter High is also quite informative. Did you know, for example, that April Fool's Day ends at noon?

Let's begin at the beginning. Marty Rantzen (Simon Scuddamore) is a nerd; there can be no doubt about that. I was a nerd in high school too, but Marty is in a league of his own. He actually believes class babe Carol Manning (Caroline Munro) when she leads him into the girls' locker room and tells him she wants to - well, you know. The poor dope. It's just a setup, of course, resulting in one of the most embarrassing moments imaginable. Unfortunately, that's just the warm-up act for Marty on this particular day. The pièce de résistance leaves him physically and mentally scarred for life. A few years later, all of Marty's tormentors return to the school for a high school reunion. Despite the fact that no other classmates show up at the old, abandoned school house, this gang of friends waits outside all day before finally breaking into the building to reminisce, drink, smoke weed, and sniff lines. Like roaches in a roach motel, they check in but they don't check out. For reasons I certainly cannot explain, they find themselves trapped inside the building - and with a homicidal maniac, at that. One by one, they all meet grisly ends as Marty exacts his revenge for what they did to him. A couple of the killings, as I've mentioned, are actually rather impressive - especially given the film's obviously low budget. They are not overly graphic, though, so you don't have to worry about turning away if you're squeamish - and you certainly don't have to worry about feeling any remorse for the victims because they are all as unlikeable as they are shallow. I was rooting Marty on all the way.

Why these dolts don't find one of the school's many windows and break the glass to escape is just one of many oddities in the story. Why, for example, is a custodian still taking care of the place several years after it was abandoned - and why would he be roaming the halls so late on the night in question? Why does the building still have power and water? Why is there a bathtub in the ladies' locker room? Then there's the whole April Fool's Day ends at noon thing. These people actually convince themselves, with no debate whatsoever, that they'll be safe if they can just hold out until noon the next day. This whole noon rule certainly wasn't in effect the day they ruined Marty's life back in high school, as all of those pranks took place after the school day was over. It's almost as if the actors are making things up as they go along - they really say and do some pretty inane things.

As you probably know, there are two kinds of bad movies, and Slaughter House is definitely of the "so bad it's good" variety. It's a definite "must see" for lovers of bad horror movies, and that is the sole reason I'm giving it four stars. One can only hope that the film will finally be released on DVD at some point.

This is one of my favorite movies. It's Shakespearean actors doing a slasher and failing (succeeding) beyond your greatest expectations. From the kickin' theme, to the repressed british accents, to the...heartless high school bullying, this one is the greatest of all slashers at least. Oh yeah, i should mention, if you're one of those huge loser types, don't watch this movie, because you wont like it. Well, what is this, national sit-on-your-duff week?! Buy it! Now!

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