So Long a Letter (African Writers) [Paperback]

Admirably translated, this short novel brings to life the pain of a woman whose husband takes a second wife. Married for 25 years and with twelve children, Ramatoulaye suddenly finds herself abandoned for one of her daughter's young friends. While polygamy may be an African or Muslim custom that sometimes has its defenders even among women, the situation for an older, educated woman is anything but happy. Ramatoulaye's husband lives with his young and childish wife for five years, then dies in the first pages of the book. The older widow, Ramatoulaye, pens her thoughts on family life, marriage, love and society in a remarkably sensitive and clear series of letters to a divorced friend who entered a career when her own marriage broke up.
I have never read any Senegalese writer before. Mariamma Ba opens the door to her world and her life better than any anthropologist could. If you are interested in the complexities of plural marriage, in life in modern Senegal, this book is definitely for you. And it is a cry from the heart as well, applicable to marriage and divorce everywhere.

I don't know where to even start with this book. I highlighted passages on almost every page. So Long a Letter is an insightful look at one woman's pain and anguish when her husband takes another (much younger) wife. The book actually begins with Ramatoulaye's widowhood. Her husband has just died and she is writing a letter to a friend about her feelings on her marriage, her husband's taking of another wife (allowed in Islam), and her husband's death.

Ramatoulaye, a Senegalese teacher, has 12 children, and her husband has run off (without telling her) and married her oldest daughter's best friend. Sort of makes for a bad day. This is what her husband's friends tell her, and her thoughts about it:

"`You can't resist the imperious laws that demand food and clothing for man. These same laws compel the "male" in other respects. I say "male" to emphasie the bestiality of instincts... You understand....A wife must understand, once and for all, and must forgive; she must not worry herself about "betrayals of the flesh." The important thing is what there is in the heart; that's what unites two beings inside.' (He struck his chest, at the point where the heart lies.)

`Driven to the limits of my resistance, I satisfy myself with what is within reach. It's a terrible thing to say. Truth is ugly when one analyses it.'

Thus, to justify himself, he reduced young Nabou to a `plate of food.' Thus, for the sake of `variety,' men are unfaithful to their wives.

I was irritated. He was asking me to understand. But to understand what? The supremacy of instinct? The right to betray? The justification of the desire for variety? I couldn't be an ally to polygamic instincts. What, then was I to understand?"

Another strong passage:

"I had never known the sordid side of marriage. Don't get to know! Run from it! When one begins to forgive, there is an avalanche of faults that comes crashing down, and the only thing that remains is to forgive again, to keep on forgiving. Leave, escape from betrayal!"

Ramatoulaye doesn't `leave' her husband; they do not divorce, a fact which surprises her husband and, it is implied, irritates him. He never goes back to her, even though they are still married. As Ramatoulaye adjusts to her new life, she appreciates even more the value of friendship:

"Friendship has splendours that love knows not. It grows stronger when crossed, whereas obstacles kill love. Friendship resists time, which wearies and severs couples. It has heights unknown to love."

Ramatoulaye also must raise her children alone (even before her husband's death), with all the trials and tribulations that entails. But, she is obviously grateful for her children. On motherhood, Ramatoulaye states:

"And also, one is a mother in order to understand the inexplicable. One is a mother to lighten the darkness. One is a mother to shield when lightning streaks the night, when thunder shakes the earth, when mud bogs one down. One is a mother in order to love without beginning or end."

I highly recommend this book to all, but especially those interested in women's issues or in African fiction.

So Long a Letter is the bold, plainspoken narrative of a Senegalese woman who finds herself deserted by her husband in favor of a girl her daughter's age. Ramatoulaye writes a series of personal letters to her close friend, Aissatou, recounting the events that have led to her life as a widowed mother of twelve. This story is particularly touching because Ramatoulaye's husband, before and during the early stages of their marriage, did not show her any signs that he would be unfaithful. In fact, the educated, respectful young man seemed, to me, very promising. Ramatoulaye's mother was the only one who was skeptical about their relationship and Ramatoulaye revisits this fact often throughout the book. Somehow this presents the argument that had she listened to her mother about Moudou, she would never have been in this lonely and difficult situation. Personally, I think that her condition could have occurred regardless of whom she married.
However, I appreciate that Mariama Ba does not omit Ramatoulaye's struggle with her newfound independence. She boldly suggests that abandoning a relationship is not easy or desirable, no matter the circumstance. Ramatoulaye's friend Aissatou left as soon as her husband decided to take a second wife. Ramatoulaye, to the dismay of her children, stays. I responded to her decision with outrage at first. She does not rebel against or reject her husband because of his actions. Her actions, juxtaposed against Aissatou's, left me with a lot to consider. The overarching theme of the book supports the idea that there is no "right" answer to women's issues. There is not one "correct" path to follow. By no means did Ramatoulaye take the easy way out. Her decision did not give her peace. In fact, it takes her experiencing his death for her to forgive Moudou and find peace with what happened to her.
This one woman's story transcends cultural boundaries and speaks to the universal ideas of betrayal, heartbreak and emotional divorce. The continual suffering of Ramatoulaye might be felt by anyone who has experienced severe emotional trauma, who has to live with the consequences day after day. Thankfully, we can see that even in the most traumatic situations, friendship can triumph. There is hope. It seems to me that women's shared experience can offer the greatest support necessary for recovery. As long as women can share their experiences with one another and support each other, situations such as these can be survived.