Solemate: Master the Art Of Aloneness and Transform Your Life [Hardcover]

and trolling the internet, particularly late at night, looking for self-help fixes for a lonely life, then chances are what you need cannot necessarily be contained in a book. Maybe you need therapy, drugs, Jesus, a snack or a good bonking --but if, like me, you've already read a zillion self-help books, then you're probably not convinced that there's ANY book out there that's going to be a panacea or a magic bullet for what ails you.

That said, this one isn't bad. What makes it revolutionary, really,is the fact that she's NOT saying: This is how to fix your lonesome self so that you will be more attractive to friends, neighbors, family members and the opposite sex (or the same sex, I guess) and not be alone anymore. Rather, she's saying that the people who don't like being alone are frequently those who don't really like themselves and thus have a hard time being alone with themselves. Makes sense, certainly.

However, she's still writing largely about her own situation -- young marriage, harsh divorce, moving back to the US from Europe, alone. She's talking about the aloneness that comes from being single --not all those other types of aloneness; not waking up with my menopausal self in the middle of the night and being unable to go to sleep and wondering what the heck I'm doing with myself aloneness. Not being in a lonely marriage aloneness. Not wondering why I'm so different from all the other hellish housewives in my subdivision who seem perfectly content to play bunco, drink margaritas and talk about their latest diet aloneness.

On the positive side: Nowhere in the book does she suggest that physical exercise will solve your problems, which i always consider a huge plus in the self-help literature. I'm deeply suspicious of any book that says that my plight can be solved by jogging, particularly if it involves having to wear my hair in a ponytail and don a baseball cap. On the other hand, she specifically says that she's NOT blaming all of anyone's problems on family of origin issues, but then she contradicts herself and goes on and on about her childhood.

I'll confess here that part of me likes self-help books from the voyeuristic thrill you get when someone else airs their dirty laundry. She does that, alot. But if you can get through that, you might find the occasional nugget of wisdom tucked into this book.

One final note: I would absolutely LOVE to read her take on all the huge lengths we all go to today to avoid being alone -- all the twittering and facebooking and endless updates on baby showers and dentist appointments that we fill our minds with so we can avoid being alone with ourselves. I know it's a bit off topic but I would have loved to hear her take on it.
That's all.

This book is a fantastic, well-written, and well organized book. I would highly recommend this book for everyone, single or not. I have read countless books in the self-help genre but none of the books get to the core of the human issues as clearly as this book does. I read it in three days and plan to do all of the exercises. I have numerous books on manifesting love but as Mackler expresses in her book, how can you manifest love if you have a unconscious block. This book clearly helps the reader get to the root of those unconscious blocks. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.

"If your energy is being expended in staying safe - in avoiding failure, rejection, physical harm, and emotional pain by avoiding the people, places, and situations that trigger your fears-then that energy is tied up in your vigilance to stay safe instead of in fulfilling your potential." Page 78

"If you make finding a soul mate the main focus of your life-and many people do-then if he or she fails to show up, you may spend many days or months or years waiting for a happy and fulfilling life instead of living it." Page 32

Thanks for writing this terrific book, Lauren. It is a Godsend.

What a wonderful book! I feel that this is a must read book for everyone regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. Yes, with the clever title, one might think it is only for people looking for a relationship, or looking to better the one that he or she is presently in, and, it is. However, it is truly a book for anyone looking to make positive, and lasting changes in his or her life. I am a happily married mother of two young boys, who works part-time, and this book has truly changed how I live my life day to day, how I interact with those around me, how I parent my children, and how I treat myself.

This book is tremendously insightful, and very well written. It is filled with a compilation of all of the tools (as well as the theories behind them) to take concrete, doable actions to move forward in your life and to live true to who you are. I think that so many of us know that we want "more" yet we don't always know what that "more" is, why we want "more", and how to get "more" out of our lives. Many of us just walk around doing the same old thing day in and day out, or as Lauren Mackler calls it, living life by default. She gives us the tools to live a more deliberate life, one that we have outlined for ourselves, and one that is more in line with our authentic selves.

What I love about this book is that it truly gave me a comprehensive step-by-step guide for personal transformation. I found that the book broke things down into manageable pieces for me to read, with corresponding exercises/activities for me to do. Each one built upon the next one, and at the end of the book, I had a life vision statement that empowered me, excited me, and energized me. And, even better, it is realistic!

I also love that Lauren Mackler is upfront about this work. She reminds readers that this is a process, not something to be achieved overnight, and not something that comes along merely by positive thinking alone (although she does use visualization). Yet, this work is transformative, and its results are life changing and long lasting.

I have given this book to many people (I can't bear to loan mine out as I reference it a lot!), and they have all loved it as much as I have.

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