Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition [Paperback]

 

 

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I bought this book along with another called "5 Days to a Perfect Night's Sleep for Your Child" by Eduard Estivill. I strongly recommend that you buy both and start with the latter.
Estivill's book recommends a method that is basically the same. Ferber calls it the "progressive waiting technique" because after putting your baby to sleep, you go visit him (or her) every now and then until he falls asleep, but the time between those visits gets progressively longer.
This may sound simple and really it is, but of course it is very difficult for some people to hear their baby cry, even if it is only for 1 or 2 minutes. People think it is cruel, there is even an expression "to Ferberize your baby". Sadly that is a wide-spread misconception. This is NOT a cry out method. A cry it out method would have you leave your baby to cry at 7:30 or 8 pm and not return until morning regardless of the amount of crying. Ferber says right in the intro that would be cruel.
His method allows your baby to know that he is not abandoned or forgotten, but also that he cannot control your movements and that he may as well fall asleep. And more importantly, it allows his environment to be the same during his night wakings, as it was when he fell asleep. Nobody who was there then is suddenly disappeared now, vanished into thin air.
Once he can fall asleep on his own at bedtime, he can also fall back asleep on his own after nighttime wakings. Teaching your baby to fall asleep, or back asleep, on his or her own is an important gift you need to give him or her. It would actually be cruel do to otherwise. If you are too weak to hear him cry for a few minutes during this method, you are going to instead make him cry several times a night for months if not years. Every time he wakes he cries, and every time you go through your crazy routine you steal precious sleep time from his night. That is unhealthy, not just psychologically but physiologically to.
I say all this because I know that you are probably considering the No-Cry sleep solution. You may have read that there is a debate, that Sears and Ferber are at two extremes of a spectrum, that Sears is compassionate and Ferber is for heartless vulcans. Well, I have not read the Sears books, but I would recommend that you avoid them. The parents I know who have bought it are still having trouble with sleeping.
Everybody is jealous of our baby and how much sleep we get. They may think it is genetic, that he is a natural good sleeper. While there may some truth to that, I think that the genetic lottery is at most half the story. If anything, this method is even more important if you don't have a natural good sleeper, if such a thing exists.
I recommend that you buy and start with the Estivill book because it is very short yet everything you need to know is there. Ferber is much thicker, goes into much more detail and covers many more types of situations, like sleep walking for example. So it is also a long term investment. We may need it again is some years.
I urge BOTH PARENTS to read the books before starting the method. At the very least you should both read Estivill, then you will be tempted to start. Do so and read Ferber the next day. We did it when our son was only 4 months old, so we only had to read chapters 1,3,4 and 6 in Ferber.
That is perhaps its one main weakness. It is sometimes unclear if some technique he explains is applicable to 4 month old babies, 4 year old toddlers or both.
Also, try to phase out the night feedings before starting this method. And of course bedtime routines. Every night around the same time we give him a warm bath in a vertical tub, take him to our bedroom to rub some balm around the diaper area, go to his bedroom for some breastfeeding, then the same book, then the same song, then it is time for night-night. My girlfriend does all of this except I sometimes give him the bath.
Now 6 months he sleeps from 8pm to 8am. He still gets a night feeding around 5am, but does not usually cry out before or after that. So yes, 9 hours generally uninterrupted, then another 3 hours uninterrupted. We could and should get rid of that last night feeding, but my girlfriend seems OK with it so I don't insist.
I'd say good luck, but again, luck has nothing to do with it. Be smart and talk it over.

I was very skeptical about the Ferber method. I bought various books about sleep and I tried different techniques to get my baby to fall asleep without crying it out. He always had a tough time getting to sleep, except in the car. Night time was the worst, he would cry for an hour or so, no matter how much I tried to comfort him. He never fell asleep at the breast or with a bottle, even as a newborn, and so I spent months trying to figure out a way to help him drift to sleep easily.

I finally gave in and really gave the Ferber method my full commitment. My baby boy was about 6 months at the time and he did not fall asleep without any crying on the third night like I was hoping. However, the crying did decrease and we experimented with different bedtime routines, until we found the one that seemed to relax him the most. Every once in awhile he still cries a little before drifting off to dream land, but for you Mother's out there struggling with guilt that I know you have, your child will wake up a happier baby in the morning if he gets the sleep he needs. Your baby won't resent you and it is much better that you teach them how to fall asleep on their own then struggle with nap time and bed time every day. Take it from a Mom that resisted the Ferber method for months, it works and my son and I are both much happier and less stressed about sleep time. :)

Ok so I tried Mr. Ferber for 3 weeks with my 19 mo. old, and it's brought me nothing but vomiting and hysterical crying when I say "Nigh-night." He says it's ok for them to throw up (but really, I am the one who has to clean it up!) He also says to use the 5/10/15 and so on with the cry-it-out sessions. My daughter would calm down when I went into the room, but as soon as I left, she cried hysterically - worse than before I went in there. Finally it usually ended up with me laying her down after almost an hour of crying and her passing out right when I laid her down. Her eyes would be all puffy, nose bright red, tear streaks on her cheeks... so I've decided this book is for the birds - at least for my child. If after 3 weeks there is no improvement, I must move onto a different solution. She is crying for a reason, and if she needs my comfort then I'm going to be there for her. I've currently ordered a book about the no-cry-solution to sleep problems and it's ratings have been great, so I'm willing to give that a try. I've tried Ferber, now I think I'll give my husband the book to start the grill the next time we cookout!

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5.0 out of 5 stars Great book a must have!
I love this book. For new Mom's that is having trouble with baby sleep this is great book. Informative and educational. Easy to follow and lots of explanation.

Published 2 months ago by new mom

5.0 out of 5 stars My baby sleeps 8+ hours now!
I was also very skeptical of this book. I had also bought other books about sleep that didn't require the crying it out method. None of it worked... at all. Read more

Published 10 months ago by mrswardo

5.0 out of 5 stars mommy
Excellent, super detailed, very helpful. It is not a simple easy read as it is based on a great deal of research and experience. Read more

Published 12 months ago by mommy

5.0 out of 5 stars It does indeed work
A nicely written and well thought out treatise on pediatric sleep disorders. As a physician I appreciated the depth of information on the structure of sleep, as a person I... Read more

Published 13 months ago by Peter

5.0 out of 5 stars A good night sleep for the whole family
This is by far the best sleep book I have purchased. Our 2 yr old toddler was waking 3 times a night and not falling asleep until 11:00pm after 3 hours of crying and hysterics... Read more

Published 20 months ago by Angela

2.0 out of 5 stars Beware, does NOT work for all babies!!!!!
I liked some of the sleep facts in this book and was determined to give it a good try. Did not work at all for my son at 7 months or at 10 months. Read more

Published on Feb 19 2010 by Chelsea

4.0 out of 5 stars Well Researched Mom
I purchased both this book and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Two vastly different books on how to get your baby to sleep. Read more

Published on May 20 2008 by Chantelle Goldsmith

5.0 out of 5 stars Read the book!
[...]- Ferber never suggests leaving the child "alone in a dark room"/"alone to cry it out" - he suggests a progressive waiting approach, where you gradually limit the time you... Read more

Published on Nov 29 2006 by J. Keetch

2.0 out of 5 stars Before you "Sleep-train" your child
As a parent I know that you are tired, frustrated and have no time to eat, sleep ect. (Never mind reading books! Read more

Published on Feb 12 2006 by Cheriatra

1.0 out of 5 stars this is abuse
as far as i'm concerned this "cry it out" method is archaic and abusive. babies are only little for a short time and they need love and patience as they navigate... Read more

Published on Oct 8 2005

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