Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son [Hardcover]

I read Anne Lamott's book about her son Sam's first year of life (Operating Instructions) back during my first year of motherhood. So, in some twisted and narcissistic way, I had it in my head that her son Sam was about the same age as my son--as that is when I became aware of him. (It could also have been a persistent "mommy brain" notion that never quite left me.) So it was with a bit of a shock when I saw Lamott's new memoir, Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son. "How could little Sam possibly have a child?" I marveled to myself. Of course, Sam isn't 7 like my son. He is 19. (Still pretty young to be a father but certainly within the realm of believability.) Always wanting to find out "how things turned out" in any story, I eagerly started the book--excited to catch up with Anne and Sam's life since we last spent time together.

Within a few pages, I was reminded of just why I love Anne Lamott. She has a brutal honesty about herself and her life that is both self-depreciating, amusing and authentic. She writes from her heart, and she isn't afraid to show us all aspects of herself--from her neurotic and selfish sides to the spiritual and open searching soul she works on so assiduously. Her writing is never fancy or condescending. Rather, it is heartfelt yet with a sly irreverence and joking tone that always lets you know she is aware of her frailties and flaws. I'd love to have her as a friend.

The subject of her son's first son is fraught with all kinds of emotional minefields that challenge Anne in a myriad of different ways. Not only does she struggle with the idea becoming a grandmother at the age of 55, but her son's complex and volatile relationship with his girlfriend Amy adds a tricky new dimension to Anne's relationship with her grandchild Jax. Anne falls hard and fast for Jax and has clear ideas about how things can and should be for this young couple. Yet Amy is a strong-willed young woman who decided to have Jax regardless of what anyone else felt ... and she has her own ideas about how things will be. Worse yet, Amy's roots are not in the San Francisco area where Anne and Sam are deeply ensconced. As Amy struggles with her identity as a mother and her need to be with her own family, this threat of Jax being "taken away" hangs over Anne's (and Sam's) head like a piano held by the thinnest of threads.

When a young couple who are not established in the world or with each other (Sam is still in art school when Jax is born and Amy is staying with Sam in his tiny apartment; they have a volatile relationship and had broken up several times before Amy became pregnant) decide to have a child together, it isn't easy for a mother (including one who pays many of the bills) to simply step aside and watch them. Throughout the book, Anne struggles with how involved to get, how much she can say, how much support to offer. It is a tricky balancing act that requires all of Anne's spiritual maturity to sort through--and even then she is plagued with moments of needing to control things that overwhelm her and threaten to engulf the precarious new relationships developing between everyone. Yet with her considerable support system, Anne manages to work through her new identity as grandmother and forge a kind of peace with the role.

In addition to getting Anne's point of view (which includes everything that is going on in her life during this year, including a trip to India and a book tour), the book also includes sections written by Sam Lamott about how he is viewing fatherhood at the tender age of 19. It was enlightening and heartening to get a glimpse inside Sam's psyche and his obvious delight and love for Jax. It is very clear that Anne and Sam have a mother-son bond that is solid and tightly woven with strands of love, understanding and respect.

Anne Lamott has led an interesting life (having overcome alcoholism, family dysfunction and taken on single motherhood when she was financially and emotionally unprepared) and managed to come through with grace and good spirit. I love how she is utterly herself (including her trademark dreadlocks) but is so completely relatable that you feel like you know her already. Her writing has a directness and beauty to it that is characteristic of someone who is writing from their authentic self. Besides this book, I'd also recommend Operating Instructions and her excellent writing book, Bird by Bird. Her memoirs on her spiritual journey (although Traveling Mercies is the only one I've read so far) are also well done. Although I've read two of her novels, and found that I prefer her memoirs more.

As both a parent and grandparent- to-be, I couldn't resist ordering this one. To my surprise, it arrived a day earlier than expected and I put everything aside to read it immediately.

Written in daily and dated journal form, author Anne Lamott and her son not only write about the transformation a grandchild brings but also reveal the turbulence experienced by very young parents. When grandchild Jax arrived into the world, Lamott's son Sam was 19 and his girlfriend Amy was 20. Their relationship was bumpy even before the baby came.

So of course the bumpiness and stress continues while caring for a new baby, especially since Sam is juggling school and fatherhood and Amy can feel overwhelmed. But there are pleasures as well, watching Jax change and grow. The book is more than just a portrayal of young parents and their challenges

It is also an honest, even painfully honest, admission of the unique feelings that come with grandparenting. Based on Lamott's experiences, these feelings can be profoundly different than parenting one's own child...with some overlap, of course. She becomes upset and even territorial about decisions affecting Jax, including such events as where he will be baptized.

Because I was drawn to this book due to the impending arrival of a grandchild, I don't know if I can be anything close to objective about this memoir. I can step back enough to see how the day to day descriptions of a baby's tiniest changes might not make for enthralling reading by all. But I was swept up by the book.

I was intrigued by a letter Lamott wrote to her grandson on the Secret of Life. On another day she "interviews" her son about his grandmother as well as how his identity has been affected by parenthood.

Those familiar with Lamott's writing may recall that she wrote a book about being a single young mother while raising her son. That book was Operating Instructions. Sam came to love that work, seeing it as a gift.

So naturally he wanted Jax to have his own chronicle of his first year of life. The result is Some Assembly Required and it creates a sense of life coming full circle, from mother to son to grandchild and also from son to child.

The book has inspired me to think about how I can honor my own grandchild's first year and it could do the same for other readers. As in her other works, Lamott weaves her spiritual insights and challenges throughout Some Assembly Required and this could be motivation enough for those familiar with the author's writing to purchase this book.

This is the humble offering of an ardent and longtime Lamott fan for the title of the (hopefully) inevitable memoir of Jax's son's first year. And for the lesson I always learn from Anne in the most delicious, hilarious, brilliant possible way: Life is not perfect. People are not perfect. Most important, WE are not perfect, and we do need to settle for less perfection in life than we had perhaps hoped for. The good news is that we never need to settle when it comes to spiritual connection, a lesson always reinforced for me by Anne Lamott. I loved Operating Instructions (and all of Anne's books) and was thrilled to download this one right away on Audible. It was an absolute joy. Very dear to hear both Anne and Sam's voices and I am filled with gratitude to both of them for sharing their journeys so transparently. And Anne, BLESS YOU for being you, fears and joys and schadenfreude and all, because it goes a long way in helping me to accept being me. Because this book is not really about Jax, and this review isn't really about your book. The book is about you and the review is about me, as everything we write is ultimately about ourselves. But because your "story" is so much like mine (well except for the brilliant successful writer part!) I can read about you and learn about me. Which is also why I love memoir.

So I have three thousand favorite lines from this literally laugh-out-loud funny book but because I listened to it rather than read it I can't go back and repeat them here. Anyway I wouldn't want readers to miss the chance to enjoy each gem yourselves. One very awesome line I do remember is attributed to Anne's friend Tom: "Either you learn to live with paradox and ambiguities or you will be six years old for the rest of your life." Ain't it the truth. I don't always like paradox and ambiguity but I like being my age and hope I live long enough to read the next installment of Lamott History.