Splatter Beach [Import]

Sea Bright Beach is known locally as Splatter Beach. This may be because some of its visitors are never seen again. Geeky journalism student Rupert (Dave Fife) has a theory that the missing people have been killed by sea creatures roaming the shoreline. He also senses that a major story could be in the offing. Good-time pals, Rodney and Tonya (Brice Kennedy and Erika Smith), allow Rupert to tag along when they arrange a trip to stay at a cabin by the beach.

The Polonia brothers' no-budget spoof of sea-creature features is an enjoyable and silly, but affectionate, romp. Brice Kennedy is very funny as `cool-dude' Rodney, chunky chain with a large dollar sign around his neck, clunky line in coolspeak; he's a man who looks a little too old to be dressing and speaking the way he does. Similarly, the beach's resident muscle-man, Duke (Ken Vansant), provides some good comic relief. He, you feel sure, would have been kicking sand in people's faces in his younger days. Now he just pumps his weights and spews nasty comments at anyone who dares to interrupt him.

The three other major players here have rather thankless roles, but all perform them admirably. Erika Smith's Tonya is so delightfully dizzy that it's difficult to imagine any sane man dumping her as Rodney does when he sees a few other bikini-babes on the beach. Dave Fife's Rupert lumbers around the beach getting progressively wetter as he searches for clues. He finds an ally in Tess (Erin Brown) whose own beliefs about the existence of sea creatures have made her a local outcast. Fife and Brown, amidst the wackiness, have to play it straight.

There are some excellent visuals, no doubt thanks to Brett Piper's presence as DP. The underwater shots and beach backdrops are particularly notable with their vivid colors. The beach party band and dancers are all here via the magic of green screen. I'm not sure if this was used to deliberately emphasize the cheapness of the production or not, but it does! As for the creatures, think `Doctor Who' monster circa 1974.

`Splatter Beach' clocks in at just over an hour, but this two-disc set boasts a stack of extras. The second disc is a CD soundtrack. This features three decent songs ("Splatter Beach Main Theme", "Surfin' Cadaver" and "My 486") amongst some largely forgettable music. The DVD has an entertaining audio commentary from the Polonias and Ken Vansant. There's a bonus film called `Hallucinations'. This is a roughly hewn piece of work from the 1980s, but quite imaginative and gory. Perhaps its most frightening sight was Polonia brothers' underwear. Please guys, don't do that to us again. There's behind the scenes footage and a profile of the Polonia brothers, who obviously have an all-consuming passion for film. There's also a profile of a very young Anthony Polonia: "My favorite director is Brett Piper." Hats off to the kid.

Twin brothers Mark and John Polonia have proven themselves several times over since 1987's SPLATTER FARM as masters of ultra low-budget monster moviemaking in its 100% purest form, and their latest SPLATTER BEACH proves they are still no couple of slouches when it comes to flat-out fun schlock entertainment. Camp Motion Pictures, up to this point known for restoring and rereleasing 1980s video gorefests on DVD chose the Polonias as directors of its first in-house production. With the assistance of Pop Cinema (formerly EI Cinema) alumnus Misty "Erin Brown" Mundae and Erika Smith (SEXY ADVENTURES OF VAN HELSING) along with cameraman (and monster film maker himself) Brett Piper, the brothers have created their own cheap modern homage to cheap bikini creature features of the atomic age. Sexy girls on the beach? Check! Tireless reporter whom no one believes? Check! Guy in a green monster suit? Check! Light on bloody special fx but heavy on b-movie cheese, SPLATTER BEACH only comes up short living up to its title. But that in itself is a hallmark of old-school low-budget horror, is it not? Erika Smith is once again outstanding, making a throwaway bimbo role her own as she plays it like she walked right out of a 1960's drive-in movie, and the bizarre Ken Van Sant is a riot as a ridiculously homophobic bodybuilder.

The highlight of this DVD is a well-produced career retrospective on the Polonia Brothers that features photos of the boys with their very first cameras as they chronicle their life of b-filmmaking via detailed interviews. This is great stuff not only for fans of these guys but for anyone who wants to make their own movies, or anyone who ever tried. Their passion is obvious, their enthusiasm is boundless, and their dedication is seemingly eternal. With this release, you get a real sense of Mark and John Polonia getting their due for all their years of hard work.