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Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder [Paperback]

Bill Eddy , Randi Kreger

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Book Description

June 15 2011
Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse

Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers" leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and doeverything they can to get their way.

Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells , this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.

Turn to this guide to help you:

• Predict what your spouse may do or say in court
• Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking
• Choose a lawyer who understands your case
• Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you

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Product Details

Product Description


""Splitting" provides concise, clear, and invaluable advice for strategically navigating a divorce from someone who has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. Following the suggestions laid out in this book will greatly increase the readers' odds of having a successful marital dissolution under these difficult circumstances." --Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, founder and executive director of the Transition Institute of Marin and author of "Contemplating Divorce" and "Stronger Day by Day "

About the Author

Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, has been a family lawyer for over eighteen years and a therapist for over twelve years. He is senior family mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, CA, and president of the High Conflict Institute based in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a faculty member at Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College and has provided seminars to judges, lawyers, counselors, and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in legal disputes. Randi Kregerhas brought the concerns of family members who have a loved one with BPD to an international forefront through her website,www.bpdcentral.com , and the Welcome to Oz online support community. Through Eggshells Press, she offers family members a wide variety of more specialized booklets and other materials. She was also instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization. Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Member Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder . She speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.

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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.6 out of 5 stars  98 reviews
139 of 144 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If three of the last five words in this title have meaning to you, get this book, it WILL save your life July 17 2011
By ef - Published on Amazon.com
Does your partner have periods of uncontrollable rage? Bizarre behaviors? A truly astonishing ability to twist words and reinterpret reality around you? Wild mood swings? Hair trigger temper? Have you been desperate enough that you spend your free time surreptitiously Google-ing psychological disorders to try to "poor mans diagnose" what you're dealing with?

Clearly you have. If you're reading this, you're probably doing research Right Now in the vain hope of getting an answer to the one question you've been asking yourself night and day for as long as you can remember: What Do I Do?

If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life.

On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and beg a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address. I'm not kidding. Read the title again.
60 of 64 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Helps educate you to lower risks of arrest, abuse investigations from false allegations & help custody efforts Sept. 10 2011
By MarkA - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
After having gone through the first years of post separation & divorce, I can definitely agree that PROTECTING YOURSELF is top priority when separating, especially if you have children. Educate yourself while quietly documenting the spouse's behaviors, quietly and confidentially seek the advice of a few family law attorneys who have experience with high conflict cases, carefully consider your options and prepare accordingly.

Decades ago the hot-button threats by disordered spouses were claiming you were a closet homosexual or having an affair. These days such allegations are ho-hum and ignored in most courts. What has replaced them? Claims of DV (against the spouse) and child neglect, abuse or molestation. Why? To unfairly gain advantage or keep the upper hand in the court's custody and parenting decisions. Those are extreme hot-button issues and agencies are just waiting for a call to jump into action, this is the one time where the allegation is presumed valid at first and the presumption of innocence is set aside at first. An innocent spouse or parent (you) can be arrested and charged with some very serious offenses.

If your spouse has threatened to make false allegations in the past, then that means it has been contemplated and therefore you are at heightened risk. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT AT RISK! William Eddy presents information that will help you to avoid many common presumptions, mistakes and pitfalls us Nice Guys and Nice Gals are likely to make when we first encounter the judicial (not justice) system. Sorry, but normal common sense does not apply in court and the truth does not always prevail. Courts, including family/domestic court, make decisions based on written laws, case law which has modified the application of written laws, and the latitude allowed for the case-by-case discretion by judges. That is why this book is so helpful, in addition to your family law attorney's legal advice.

To echo the excellent advice in another comment: If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life. On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and BEG a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address or appear on your credit card or bank statements. I'm not kidding. Read the title again. PROTECT YOURSELF.
59 of 63 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars SPLITTING July 23 2011
By Bint - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
After ordering Splitting from Amazon I was thrilled to receive this sooner than I thought. I have read it with great interest. This book gives you great insight into all aspects of breaking free from a person with a personality disorder. It actually gave me the strength inside on just how to tackle things in an efficient and practical way. It takes away the emotions. Gives you a clear understanding of what you are dealing with and because of this book, I have conversed brilliantly with my Lawyer. Worked with him and found my straightforward approach with facts, have strengthened my relationship with him. Due to this, we have worked together trustingly to bring closure before court. Hopefully this will be happening within a few days. Brilliant book. Would recommend it to anyone in a difficult breakup with Narcissistic and Borderline personalities. After reading it I also recognised that my ex had both. Well done for writing this book. Wished there was more awareness of this problem.
26 of 29 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Necessary guide for ex-spouse of a BPD/NPD March 15 2012
By Life after a BPD/NPD - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book actually gets it. Learning about BPD & NPD combo is tough enough. But you need to understand how it makes your divorce a thousand times crazier - with little you can do about it. But you need to know & need to do what you can to prepare & limit the damage that will be caused. My divorce was final when I read this guide - yet the restraining orders & lunacy continue. It was as if the authors were flies on the wall - since normal people with normal lives really can't comprehend what goes on. Stop Walking on Eggshells brought great knowledge & understanding. Splitting is the real life version of what divorcing a BPD/NPD is truly about. You start out in a hole & get buried from there - unless you understand how best to navigate. Even then things go haywire every time you are in court. But being prepared for craziness gets far better results than being blindsided. There is nothing funny about this book. If you are reading this opinion, you probably need to read the book cover to cover for your own safety & benefit. Good luck - you need it. I still need it. Sad but very true.
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Spot On Sept. 5 2011
By Brooklyn Central - Published on Amazon.com
This book can be a vital resource even after you've been divorced from a borderline or narcissist.

I recently read it when my husband was going through an extremely stressful period with his ex-wife, a woman whom we have suspected has been mentally ill for quite some time - and with whom he shares custody of a small child. Sad as this situation is, she is a terror when she turns to her lawyer and the family court system to solve her "problems" for her, problems which usually involve pegging her ex-husband as villain in the dramas she creates (she is very likely suffering from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder as well as diagnosed severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder).

With each successive section in Eddy's book, we would think, he's reading our minds, he knows exactly what we're going through! It's as if he wrote this book with the ex-wife in the forefront of his mind, his analysis of borderline behaviors is so spot on. In my husband's case, the divorce was a few years back, but because of the custody issue he has to deal with her for the foreseeable future. And we found the book so helpful in strategizing about how to deal with her disturbed legal shenanigans, which have had the potential to cause him serious financial and emotional damage. As Eddy explains, the divorce itself may be only the beginning of your woes. He strikes a fine balance - he avoids demonizing the borderline and narcissist, but lets the reader know very clearly the dangers he/she may face in allowing these people to run the show when it comes to issues of divorce and custody. Most importantly, he offers very specific ways to fight back.

I highly recommend it.

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