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Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder Paperback – Jun 15 2011

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications (June 15 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608820254
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608820252
  • Product Dimensions: 1.9 x 15.2 x 22.9 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 431 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #28,623 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description


""Splitting" provides concise, clear, and invaluable advice for strategically navigating a divorce from someone who has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. Following the suggestions laid out in this book will greatly increase the readers' odds of having a successful marital dissolution under these difficult circumstances." --Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, founder and executive director of the Transition Institute of Marin and author of "Contemplating Divorce" and "Stronger Day by Day "

About the Author

Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, has been a family lawyer for over eighteen years and a therapist for over twelve years. He is senior family mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, CA, and president of the High Conflict Institute based in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a faculty member at Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College and has provided seminars to judges, lawyers, counselors, and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in legal disputes. Randi Kregerhas brought the concerns of family members who have a loved one with BPD to an international forefront through her website, , and the Welcome to Oz online support community. Through Eggshells Press, she offers family members a wide variety of more specialized booklets and other materials. She was also instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization. Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Member Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder . She speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Just as one of the first pages refers, you will read this book and wonder how the author could know so much about your personal situation and write in detail about it. If you are in a high-conflict divorce and suspect some kind of personality disorder/mental illness in your ex, this is a must read. I was already well into the separation process with my ex when I discovered this book so it was not terribly helpful although incredibly enlightening. I never disclosed what I suspected, that he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder but through no action of my own, he was later diagnosed with it, among others other mental illnesses. This book should be read by lawyers, judges, social workers and all who work with families divorcing.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Well worth reading to help prepare you mentally for the challenges ahead in sticking to the facts in arguing a divorce case against an ex who wants to continually maintain high conflict and blame you for all that has gone wrong in the marriage. It reinforces the need to keep focused instead of backing down and walking away, as has been the tendency throughout the marriage, to avoid conflict. A need to be strong, stay strong and not give in, but to counter the blame and cognitive distortions to reveal the facts.
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By myron on April 26 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A well written book that will relate with you no matter what stage of the relationship you are at.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful By terry durkin on Oct. 21 2014
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Very informative. Good experience with Amazon.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 190 reviews
212 of 217 people found the following review helpful
If three of the last five words in this title have meaning to you, get this book, it WILL save your life July 17 2011
By ef - Published on
Format: Paperback
Does your partner have periods of uncontrollable rage? Bizarre behaviors? A truly astonishing ability to twist words and reinterpret reality around you? Wild mood swings? Hair trigger temper? Have you been desperate enough that you spend your free time surreptitiously Google-ing psychological disorders to try to "poor mans diagnose" what you're dealing with?

Clearly you have. If you're reading this, you're probably doing research Right Now in the vain hope of getting an answer to the one question you've been asking yourself night and day for as long as you can remember: What Do I Do?

If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life.

On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and beg a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address. I'm not kidding. Read the title again.
77 of 82 people found the following review helpful
Helps educate you to lower risks of arrest, abuse investigations from false allegations & help custody efforts Sept. 10 2011
By MarkA - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After having gone through the first years of post separation & divorce, I can definitely agree that PROTECTING YOURSELF is top priority when separating, especially if you have children. Educate yourself while quietly documenting the spouse's behaviors, quietly and confidentially seek the advice of a few family law attorneys who have experience with high conflict cases, carefully consider your options and prepare accordingly.

Decades ago the hot-button threats by disordered spouses were claiming you were a closet homosexual or having an affair. These days such allegations are ho-hum and ignored in most courts. What has replaced them? Claims of DV (against the spouse) and child neglect, abuse or molestation. Why? To unfairly gain advantage or keep the upper hand in the court's custody and parenting decisions. Those are extreme hot-button issues and agencies are just waiting for a call to jump into action, this is the one time where the allegation is presumed valid at first and the presumption of innocence is set aside at first. An innocent spouse or parent (you) can be arrested and charged with some very serious offenses.

If your spouse has threatened to make false allegations in the past, then that means it has been contemplated and therefore you are at heightened risk. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT AT RISK! William Eddy presents information that will help you to avoid many common presumptions, mistakes and pitfalls us Nice Guys and Nice Gals are likely to make when we first encounter the judicial (not justice) system. Sorry, but normal common sense does not apply in court and the truth does not always prevail. Courts, including family/domestic court, make decisions based on written laws, case law which has modified the application of written laws, and the latitude allowed for the case-by-case discretion by judges. That is why this book is so helpful, in addition to your family law attorney's legal advice.

To echo the excellent advice in another comment: If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life. On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and BEG a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address or appear on your credit card or bank statements. I'm not kidding. Read the title again. PROTECT YOURSELF.
74 of 82 people found the following review helpful
SPLITTING July 23 2011
By Bint - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After ordering Splitting from Amazon I was thrilled to receive this sooner than I thought. I have read it with great interest. This book gives you great insight into all aspects of breaking free from a person with a personality disorder. It actually gave me the strength inside on just how to tackle things in an efficient and practical way. It takes away the emotions. Gives you a clear understanding of what you are dealing with and because of this book, I have conversed brilliantly with my Lawyer. Worked with him and found my straightforward approach with facts, have strengthened my relationship with him. Due to this, we have worked together trustingly to bring closure before court. Hopefully this will be happening within a few days. Brilliant book. Would recommend it to anyone in a difficult breakup with Narcissistic and Borderline personalities. After reading it I also recognised that my ex had both. Well done for writing this book. Wished there was more awareness of this problem.
49 of 53 people found the following review helpful
Splitting - Aint talking about an equitable divorce Jan. 2 2013
By Holly O. - Published on
Format: Paperback
Poor sucker:

I read this book too late to fully be effective. The best advice that you can take is; show absolutely NO mercy to these soul-sucking people. Sure, it is a behavioral disorder, but there is no excuse and a great deal of choice-making that goes into the decisions that are made during the divorce process. They will never own their own faults - ever.

Borderlines will immediately begin with a character assassination and side-setting of as many people as possible, and will split up all players in the game into black and white pieces. You are black, WILL have the second move and will remain behind as long as your bank account holds out because nothing is more important to the BPD than the process of proving to the world that you are wrong, bad and probably belong in prison away from all of the white players, including only those of your children that believe the stories. It might include a custody battle with accusations of child abuse, when in fact the real abuse are the lies and deceit that are wielded upon your impressionable and confused children. The narcissists are the worst because there is absolutely no self reflection in the process. If a borderline is not narcissist, then there is a possibility to change the game during one of the many "woe is me" moments.

Absolutely DO NOT GIVE UP and do not do anything stupid. Truth does not matter in court; it is only about going through the motions. Tell your attorney to go for the jugular and spare no expense on getting your kids. However, do not fight dirty directly. Do not talk bad about your BPD ex to your kids or ANY of your common friends. Only talk about truth, including his/her mental disorder. Kids have automatic BS detectors. If you tell the truth, you will win. Period.

Now, read this book. Own it. If you are smart enough to use this knowledge to your advantage, you will win. After 5 years of pure hell from BPD people in my life, I have finally recovered but it took everything including relationships, money, nearly all property and two jobs. BPD splitting is war and reading this book is the first step in a good battle plan.

48 of 57 people found the following review helpful
If this titlte clicks with you at all, read it! July 15 2011
By Patrick J. Atkinson - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
"Splitting" is the professional term used to describe what happens when a person with a diagnosible personality disorder suddenly, and almost always for reasons beyond their own control or understanding, redefines their lover, partner, spouse, or friend from being "savior / saint" to "demon / monster".

This "split" can occur in a matter of a few minutes, and within hours or days the memories of years of positive, loving, supportive relationship can be involuntarilly rewritten by the person engaged in the "splitting" process, to be something totally different. Loving times are rewritten to have been false memories of times of anger, argument, and hostility. Special moments are forgotten... edited out... completely.

The person who suffers from the personality disorder often knows something terribly wrong is happening, but is not sure what, so the process continues to negatively cycle downward. I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

At the end of the "splitting" process, the person suffering from these personality disorders has completely rewritten years of relationship, with very little the affected companion can do. Since the affected companion still often loves the person who has been "splitting", the mis-steps, hurt, anger, sadness, and confusion.

This book is very helpful in that it tells the reader how to protect him/herself when this happens to your partner. While there maybe nothing you can do to stop or reverse the "splitting" process that your affected partner is going through, you can take care of, and protect, yourself.