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From Publishers Weekly
The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of finiteness and transiency and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of existential psychotherapy, this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"Philosophical it is, but never arid with theory. Its lively chapters are populated with patients whose raw angst Yalom refines into vignettes that are always enlightening and often quite moving." (Washington Post, February 24, 2008)
The philosopher Martin Heidegger once remarked that we can live intensely only if we stare death in the face every moment of our lives. Bestselling psychiatrist Yalom (Love's Executioner) attempts to put this principle into practice in a sometimes thoughtful, often repetitious book. Drawing on literature and film, as well as conversations with his patients, Yalom demonstrates how the fear of retirement, concerns about changing jobs or moving to another city, or changes in family status (such as the empty nest) are rooted in our deepest, most inescapable fear: of death. Yet, he says, this anxiety can prompt an awakening to life and help us realize our connections to others and our influence on those around us. Through such experiences we can transcend our sense of “finiteness and transiency” and live in the here and now. In a final chapter, Yalom offers instructions for therapists seeking to help their patients overcome death anxiety. Although in the 1980s Yalom, now 76, provided new insights into the human psyche with his innovative method of “existential psychotherapy,” this book recycles well-known philosophical insights, but Yalom's humane, calm voice may bring them to a new audience. (Feb.) (Publishers Weekly, November 5, 2007)
"Staring at the Sun is neither textbook nor mere self-help. Philosophical it is, but never arid with theory. Its lively chapters are populated with patients whose raw angst Yalom refines into vignettes that are always enlightening and often quite moving." -- Washington Post
"So what to do about the dread of death? ... [Yalom's] key prescriptions are true connections with others, a feeling one has lived well and "rippling" - having positive impacts and memories live on in others after you die. These deceptively obvious goals are, obviously, not easily attained: What thinking and feeling person truly lives a life with no regrets? But they are inarguably worthwhile ones." -- San Francisco Chronicle
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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting and thought-provoking, but limited in its practical effectiveness,
By Daniel Jolley "darkgenius" (Shelby, North Carolina USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
I can't think of any non-religious individual more qualified to address the terror of death, man's strongest and most natural fear, than Dr. Irvin D. Yalom. Having recognized that death anxiety is oftentimes at the root of his many patients' problems, he developed his own brand of existential psychology (even as the profession moved away from this type of approach) to help get to the root causes, no matter how hidden they might be from the surface, of many of his patients' problems. Basically, Yalom : Death :: Freud: Sex. The good doctor has also mined the thoughts and insights of many a great philosopher in formulating his psychological world view (his incredible novel, When Nietzsche Wept, is what introduced me to Yalom in the first place). There's also the fact that Yalom is now in his mid-seventies, an age at which you can't help but come to some kind of terms with your own mortality. Never one to isolate his professional self from his patients or readers, Yalom shares his own personal feelings and thoughts to an unprecedented degree in these pages.Fear of death is the one thing that unites all of mankind. Even our most idyllic days of childhood offer no immunity from it, as that is when most of us are forced to confront death for the first time - be it a grandparent, aunt, pet, etc. Granted, I have the kind of mind that seemingly begs to be someone's case study, but some of my earliest memories had me wondering if I might already be lying dead in my coffin, dreaming my life over again - and I have long predicted that I would die at 42 (I hope I'm wrong, since 42 isn't all that far away now). At least I, as a Christian, know that death is in no way the end; I can't really imagine how atheists could ever come to terms with the looming nothingness awaiting them in their graves. Since Yalom is such an atheist, I was most interested in seeing what he would have to say on the subject. The basic message I get from this book is that one must identity and then confront one's fear of death, for in doing so you can learn to appreciate life all the more. Yalom talks a lot about the positive correlation between one's sense of "the unlived life" and death anxiety, and it would certainly seem to be true that many individuals (including yours truly) let their fears hold them back from living life to the fullest. To hear Yalom describe cases in which people broke through their walls of fear to find a new and extremely passionate love for life is undeniably inspirational. His is an Epicurean philosophy, and Yalom shows how "eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow you may die" is a distorted and far too simplistic concept of his favorite philosopher's beliefs. Epicurus, Yalom tell us, believed the whole point of philosophy was to relieve human misery - and that a great deal of said misery was a product of the omnipresent fear of death. Yalom also emphasizes the concept of rippling as a counter argument to the often cited transiency of human life. The things we do and say will affect others on down the line long after we are dead and forgotten. Frankly, the concept of rippling doesn't do a whole lot for me, but it is the kind of argument atheists have to make in order to convince themselves that their lives are not inherently meaningless. Basically, Yalom tells readers that they can create their own fates, one which they can embrace rather than cower before in fear, and he offers examples of individuals who overcame debilitating death anxiety and emerged as happier, more alive men and women capable of living their lives and connecting with their fellow man in ways they could never have imagined. For my money, though, Yalom's own personal ideas and insights make for the most interesting reading. It's not every day that a leading existential psychologist grants us entry into his most personal and deepest thoughts. Does Yalom succeed in offering "specific methods" with which to battle death anxiety? No, not really, but I will say that I found the book fairly inspirational and thought-provoking. Still, Yalom's personal dismissal of any and all religious beliefs his readers (and undoubtedly a significant number of his patients) may have is a definite weakness that calls into question its ultimate effectiveness. Rooted in secular humanism, though, Staring at the Sun can only take the religious reader so far, for the utter finality of death is not an obstacle of death anxiety that we have to overcome.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) Amazon.com:
4.2 out of 5 stars (111 customer reviews) 62 of 65 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
For Those Readers Who Wish to Fully Live Their Lives Before They Die,
By O. Brown "Ms. O. Khannah-Brown" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
*****"Staring at the Sun" is the eminent psychiatrist Irvin Yalom's latest book based upon the premise that not just many, but all of our fears---fears that on the surface seem to be something else---are in actuality, the fear of death. However, this is not a depressing book. Understanding and accepting death anxiety can bring us to a greater appreciation of life. The author writes, "Death awareness may serve as an awakening experience, a profoundly useful catalyst for major life changes." The book explores how this might be. The second to the last chapter of the book is a memoir of the author's own personal encounters with death anxiety and his reflections in anticipation of his own death. I found this chapter to be moving and poignant. The last chapter is written specifically for therapists. The entire book includes stories from the author's psychotherapeutic practice. The print is large and easy to read. The book includes a reader's guide in the back that would be helpful for book clubs and self-help or other therapeutic groups. I thought this book was wise above all, brave, human, personal, and inspirational without being religious or even spiritual. Highly recommended. ***** 38 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Don't fear the Reaper...,
By Erik Olson "Seeker Reviews" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
According to Irvin D. Yalom, people can be so consumed with their own mortality that they become crippled by "unmanageable death anxiety." This disorder manifests in ways that include anxiety attacks, bad dreams, and depression. Dr. Yalom believes that this is a key psychological problem, one that goes even deeper than Freud's emphasis on sexual repression. Therefore, he's based his practice on helping people overcome this issue and enjoy life to the fullest. I found "Staring at the Sun" to be an intriguing and readable book, not to mention helpful for my own battles with this issue.It should be noted up front that the author is not religious. If his patient follows a certain faith, Dr. Yalom encourages his or her belief if it is helpful to the healing process. But he is a rationalist who is more in line with evolutionary thought and secular philosophy than with spiritual leanings. His treatment methods include guided dream interpretation, and encouraging awakening experiences as a form of existential shock therapy. Along those lines, Dr. Yalom advocates some of the philosophical teachings of Epicurus, Nietzsche, and Schopenhauer to help his patients come to terms with their mortality and cultivate the ability to "create the fate that [they] can love." There is much to like about this book. I admired the author's candor about his own fears of impending death at the age of 76, and how his struggles have enabled him to help others in the same boat. In addition, I appreciated the personal touch he brings to his practice, including appropriate self-revelation and a commitment to help his patients even at inconvenient times. I got the sense that he truly cares about them, but still manages to maintain appropriate boundaries without being rigid or condescending. Finally, his tactics of "rippling" (positively influencing others with one's life), forming genuine connections with people, living free from regret (or using what regret you have to avoid more of it), and internalizing life-affirming philosophies to achieve a holistic strategy for living well makes sense to me. Indeed, if he practiced close by, I'd make an appointment with him. However, I had a couple of minor blind spots with "Staring at the Sun." First, as part of treatment, the author recommends activities that his patients may already be doing - achievement, relationships, taking risks, etc. I inferred that internal motivation is the major defining factor here, but I wish he would've made that idea clearer. Along those lines, does eliminating death anxiety make one a better person? Changing selfishness to selflessness is a whole different ballgame. I'm not certain that curing the fear of death automatically makes one more altruistic. Nihilism is a danger here, especially if the patient takes a wrong turn into Nietzsche's darker corners. Also, he brought up some other tantalizing angles that I wanted to hear more about, such as the illusion of upward mobility. That's a key issue for men at midlife who are confronted with their mortality via physical decline and dwindling life options (like me). In "Staring at the Sun," Dr. Yalom has done an excellent job of defining the fear of death as a key psychological health issue, and also creating a successful path of treatment. More importantly, he's made his ideas available to a wide audience in an interesting and accessible manner. Even the chapter dedicated to therapists is, as the author recommends, readable by laypersons - especially since it will help him or her avoid a bad shrink and select a good one instead. 31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
"The idea of death saves us.",
By E. Bukowsky "booklover10" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
In "Staring at the Sun," psychiatrist and Stanford University professor Irvin D. Yalom confronts one of humanity's greatest fears: the terror of death. Yalom, who is in his seventies, admits that he has pondered the psychological and philosophical implications of his own mortality. In addition, Dr. Yalom discusses his patients, many of whom have been shaken by the loss of a loved one, professional failures, or romantic disappointments. Their frustrations sometimes translate into a fear of death, because as we age, we may come to fear that we will never have enough time to accomplish our goals.If we were to think constantly about death, it would be like "trying to stare at the sun in the face: You can stand only so much of it." Therefore, as a form of self-protection, many of us avoid the subject entirely. After all, we are busy enough attending to life's routines. Work, marriage, raising a family, making friends, cultivating hobbies, and participating in communal and charitable endeavors can take up a great deal of time. Why contemplate an unpleasant subject that can lead to unhappiness and depression? No matter how we may try to ignore it, however, certain life events bring death to the fore, such as a milestone birthday, a serious illness, divorce, retirement, or grown children leaving home. Any such transition can traumatize a vulnerable individual. The author is a non-observant Jew who does not believe in a divine entity; therefore, he does not rely on religion for comfort. Instead, he turns to philosophers such as Epicurus, Nietzsche, and Schopenhauer for guidance. Those who worship a deity may be put off by Yalom's staunch secularism. Still, this book does offer a common sense approach that anyone can implement, no matter what his beliefs. Yalom advises us to spend our lives doing work that we love, so that we will not look back at our youth with regret; to reach out and form meaningful interpersonal relationships--connectedness reduces isolation; to be bold in making necessary lifestyle changes that can bring us greater contentment; to take comfort from the "rippling" effect of our good deeds. Live in the moment, he urges, and make each day count. This seems like obvious advice, but common sense is anything but common; Yalom reminds us of behaviors that we may mean to adopt but, for some reason, do not. Dr. Yalom puts great store in the power of dreams to reveal the secrets locked in our subconscious minds. He recounts and analyzes his own as well as his patients' dreams, discussing at length how many of us grapple with our fear of death symbolically. Yalom analyzes the imagery of dreams, and he uses the knowledge gained from this analysis to work out his clients' emotional issues in a therapeutic setting. Knowing that we are all destined to die can motivate us to focus more on our everyday lives. If we take our mortality seriously, we are more likely to use the time we have left productively. St. Augustine said, "It is only in the face of death that a man's self is born." Power, money, honors, and possessions cannot protect us from the fate that awaits us all. Yalom advises us to "keep in mind the advantage of remaining aware of death, of hugging its shadow to you. Such awareness can integrate the darkness with your spark of life and enhance your life while you still have it." It is never too late, Yalom asserts, to "make substantial positive changes." "Staring at the Sun" is a beautiful gift given by a thoughtful and compassionate man to those of us who are receptive to his words. Rather than plunging into existential despair or having plastic surgery in an attempt to recapture our lost youth, we can choose to celebrate the years that we have left by living them as well as we can. "Staring at the Sun" is an eloquent, literate, and deeply personal book by a humane and compassionate therapist who is not too proud to admit his own vulnerabilities. Irvin Yalom truly lives by the famous words of the Roman writer, Terence: "Nothing human is alien to me." |
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