Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying [Paperback]

I bought this book because I wanted to better understand my grandmother's world and what my parents are beginning to face, but I ended up experiencing its apt relevance to 36-year-old me.

In this inspiring and eminently readable book, Ram Dass celebrates aging as a time of self-discovery and of selfless service to others. What could be more appropriate for a man who has lived so passionately, who has traveled so widely and learned so much than to share his experience and wisdom with others? And Ram Dass does it well, without sanctimonious posturing or self-serving claptrap, in a prose style that is familiar, warm and sharing, and at times brilliant. Especially beautiful are the passages on pages 141-144 in which he recalls his Jewish home and then a visit to India in 1970. Of course he does remind us of the many friends and note worthies he has met along the way; and, true, he is not adverse to indulging himself a little with reflections about how HE has been of service to the aged, the infirm, and the dying. But this is only right. There is, as we are freed from many of the constraints of society and its shallow proprieties, no place for a false modesty, and if one has done well, one should be pleased with oneself, and like Walt Whitman, celebrate oneself. As a young man, Ram Dass went against the shared "wisdom" of the society that had so well nurtured him and sought his own way, and he found it. He is to be admired and listened to.

His way now is not that of renunciation, as one might expect from the Hindu influence on his life, but a more social orientation. He practices karma yoga, from the Bhagavad Gita in which one finds salvation and freedom through the non-attached performance of one's duties--one's dharma--without expectation, without seeking reward or the fruit of labor.

Ram Dass believes he suffered the stroke through the "fierce grace" of his guru because of this continued "attachment to the Ego" (pp. 200-201). By learning a deeper level of suffering first hand he drew closer to God. As his guru once said, "See? That's the way it works. Suffering does bring you closer to God." He was unable to totally renounce the delusions of this world, the social and political fruits that he loved so much, being such an intensely social person, and so the attachment remained. Now confined to a wheelchair he spends more time "hanging out" with his guru (p. 202), the deceased Maharajji, whom he reveres as a god, which is the way of the guru-devotee relationship. His faith was tested by the stroke, but he came away with his faith intact. He writes in closing the book, "I know now that my faith is unshakeable. That assurance is the highest gift I have received from the stroke..."

I think the most important thing this book does is to inspire us to treat our advancing years with wisdom and dignity, with a sense of self worth and to discard the empty notions found in the noxious and insidious suggestion that growing old is some kind of disease or reason for shame. Instead one embraces the natural changes that are taking place and sees them as a new challenge, full of unique surprises and experiences, and yes, pain and sorrow and loss. It takes a strong and focused person to grow old gracefully. (Growing old is not for the faint of heart!) And finally there is an understanding that death is part of life, its fulfillment to be sure. As Ram Dass writes on page 156, "by allowing the mystery of death...to inform our everyday life, we begin to see things anew." The key word is "inform." Death informs our life and makes it whole. Like Browning's Rabbi Ben Ezra, we might also say, "Grow old along with me!/The best is yet to be"; and in believing that and living it, and knowing that death itself is a great adventure, we are freed.

Ram Dass shares his experience through little stories about inspirational people he has met and how they guided him to an appreciation of what it means to change and grow old. His gentle and uplifting style, emphasizing the spiritual aspects of life, make reading this book a warm and fulfilling experience. Incidentally, the typographical style of the book, with its tinted pages with muted yantra symbols and the light wine/purple color of the letters makes for a very pretty book, pleasingly reminiscent of the wildly decorated, paper bag-colored pages of his best seller from long ago.